At My Lowest Ever

[cyberknight]

 

[Katherine]

I hope you start to feel better soon

 

[RedRider]

It sounds as though you're dealing with a lot of difficult stuff there Cosmic and it's not surprising you're finding it hard.
Try and be kind to yourself and try not to beat yourself up about how you're feeling. Depression is very common, it's an awful illness, it's nothing to be ashamed of but it does get better.
It seems like you have a lot of insight into what's going on with your mental health and have identified the need to talk about it to people outside of those who love you as well as with them.
Is there any counselling available through the hospital team dealing with your physical health? It can be good to talk to someone who gets paid to listen.
All the best, look after yourself.

 

[Saluki]

Counselling might be the way to go for you. You will need to nag your GP and keep on nagging. When I tried for some help, they said that I would be seen in October, which in early January, seemed a long time to wait in a suicidal state. If you don't have the wherewithall to nag (I didn't have) get your wife to nag (and keep nagging). Counselling can be very beneficial, it also takes the strain off your family and friends, plus you know that whatever you say, is not going to be brought up into the 'real world' unexpectedly.

Depression is horrible insidious and debilitating. Well done for coming on here for a chat.

 

[Fab Foodie]

Bummer Cosmic.
Can't add much more to the excellent advice already given ..... However, suffice to day that depression in its myriad forms affects a lot of people ... Even the best of us!

 

[Simontm]

All the best fella.

 

[Donger]

I don't feel I can add much, Cosmic, but there's some really good advice up thread. The fact that you are sharing this with your cycling buddies shows how much your cycling means to you. I've always found cycling to be the best possible escape when I've been going through it, and I can't imagine how bad it must feel to keep getting setbacks that prevent you from riding. I can't tell you how much I respect people like you and Satnav, who somehow just keep finding the strength to come back. Every ten miler you post in "Your Ride Today" is worth a metric ton of anyone else's. Keep your chin up, mate, and stay in touch with us all. Wishing you all the best.
Donger.

 

[I like Skol]

I can't tell you how much I respect people like you and Satnav, who somehow just keep finding the strength to come back

Yeah but, SatNav is just bonkers (I have met her ) while Cosmic is da' man (and has the coolest avatar ).

 

[Pat "5mph"]

Every ten miler you post in "Your Ride Today" is worth a metric ton of anyone else's.

This!
I enjoy reading about your rides very much
Hope things get better soon.

 

[13 rider]

Can't add much that's not already been said . But hang on in there and I hope things improve soon . like @Pat "5mph" says I enjoy reading about your rides.

 

[Racing roadkill]

I need an outlet, and I'm getting fed up with putting on my wife and friends, so here will do.

I'm depressed, I've never felt so low. I've been on the receiving end of a most unpleasant muscle wasting condition which has bitten me 5 times in the past 2 years, putting me in pain that I never thought existed, and mentally destroying me with horrible withdrawal symptoms from the essential pain relief. I've been paranoid that when my family go out in the morning I'll never see them again. I have to follow to school and make sure they're safe. I can't sleep, I've got the constant jitters and I'm sick of learning to walk all over again.
I've tried really hard to get back to work (who have been really good), but recent attempts saw me leaving in pain every day and exhausted, and last week I broke down at work which was not nice. Now I'm on anti-depressants which have some unpleasant side effects and I find myself curled up on the sofa crying like a baby. Can't even give the kids a cuddle without welling up, and finding it hard to even hold a conversation.
I keep trying to put things into perspective but finding it all a bit much at the moment.

Anybody been through depression have any pointers?

It sounds like you're gripping the pointy end of a particularly shoity stick. All you can do, is keep going. As they say, if you're going through hell, it's best to keep going.

 

[ayceejay]

I used to be married to a woman who had every ailment known to man and then some, when she couldn't handle it anymore which was about 3 o'clock most days, she would start throwing stuff which had an amazingly calming effect on her. Now I am not a professional and there is no way I am suggesting this as a way to maintain a stable relationship but do you have some old crockery that needs smashing?

 

[roadrash]

Here I am sat in my hospital bed 6 hours after surgery, and feel like its nothing compared to what your going through, as already said I hope you are seeking help for the mental issues as well , be as open as possible to those closest to you, its the only way they can understand just how you feel if that is at all possible.

Its reading posts like yours and satnavs and vickster etc, that have given me the hope and determination I have right now, you are an inspiration to others its understandable you feel the way you do, find someone who understands you and you can shout and rave and scream at and let it all out I've done it myself .
Hope you get well soon

 

[totallyfixed]

I ride fixed in hilly terrain often over long distances. My better half is one of the finest exponents of riding a bike you will ever see and we do hard training rides together, but, and it is a big but, compared to your rides they are minuscule . I always read your ride reports and greatly admire what you manage, I am not at all sure I could do that.
Friends are the key thing here, there must be lots of barmy CC'ers in your neck of the woods who could pop by and chat or ride a bit with you when you are able, I know I would, and would consider it a privilege to do so. If I/we ever find ourselves down your way I will drop you a pm and arrange to meet up.
I hope medical science is making progress in your area of need, new advances are being made at a seemingly exponential rate in many different fields so don't give up hope, never give up hope.
Now you lot, start making contact with cosmic and see what you can do.

 

[byegad]

Depression is a constant background to my life. I'm on constant tablets for it, and am fine 99%of the time, but like you I went through hell before I got here.

Not all anti-depressants work for all people and they all take time to 'kick in'. One type I was given early on made me a lot worse, and if left on them I'd not be around now. I went back to the doctor for a chat and he changed them.

While referral for therapy can take a long time, get your name down for any kind of talking therapy on offer. This really helped me.

While I know how you feel, and know it feels hopeless at the moment, it is something from which you can recover. A couple of years after my really low spot I was happier than I'd ever been, my wife and other family were always there for me even when I was in too much despair to notice them. I realise now how much they felt for me at the time.

I still have bad days, but they are very rare. The low level medication I'll likely be on for life means I'm unlikely to slip back into a full blown depression and if I do I know there is help available. Your physical problems and your mental health are not inexorably linked.