Any poets, wordsmiths ?

[steveindenmark]

 

[Marchrider]

“I lay birdwatching from my bed
A swift flew by an crapped on my head”

I’d stick with your effort!

thats probably the best, the most apt - the only person to ever see it will need to be rolling around on the floor, and if that is due to excessive amounts of ale - then that verse would be just perfect for that moment
although where it is going to, I can't imagine her and her friends having that sort of evening, but be we could be very surprised at what happens at these sherry evenings

 

[Reynard]

oh, now you seem to understand poetry, and that sounds good, in fact I like it a lot, wasn't sure about 'brief the sight' bit, but the wife thinks that gives it class ? not that either of us have ever understood poetry

may be a dozen characters short but I will faff about and make it fit somehow

since it is going round in a circle, would you use a comma or something else to distinguish the lines ? and should the text face inwards or like I have it outwards?

View attachment 757517

and huge thanks for your help, much appreciated!

YVW

Poetry is what you make of it, what moves one person might not necessarily move another. For instance, I like Shakespeare, Blake and Tennyson, but all three are very different in the way they lay out their poems and the way they use language. Roald Dahl makes me smile too, even if his writing is largely directed at a younger audience. But his use of words, rhyme and imagery are genius.

The trick when writing, is to read it out loud, or better, get someone to read it *to* you so that you can hear how the words, syllables etc all fit together.

Really, it all boils down to using the right word in the right place at the right time.

And yes, I do write.

 

[Dogtrousers]

You could have a look at the work of poets to see if you can find something to suit. Your tight character count requirement might make this difficult but it could be worth a look and could be an interesting exercise in its own right.

Sounds like Gerard Manley Hopkins might have something to fit your needs.

 

[Ming the Merciless]

Really, it all boils down to using the right word in the right place at the right time.

As Eric Morecambe might have said “I’m using all the right words, but not necessarily in the right order “

 

[Marchrider]

You could have a look at the work of poets to see if you can find something to suit. Your tight character count requirement might make this difficult but it could be worth a look and could be an interesting exercise in its own right.

Sounds like Gerard Manley Hopkins might have something to fit your needs.

I started off there but they were all too long, and any verse by itself was always a bit out of context - Ai helped quite a bit but I never felt it got it right
However @Reynard seemed to have absolutely nailed it - I can't explain it, but it now sounds right, he seems to know what he's doing, that's the wonderful thing about a cycling forum, such a variety of people, there is always somebody who knows

Crossing seas and boundless skies
Painting trails where twilight lies
Heaven's dancers swift and strong
Brief the sight before they're gone

So I am off now to play with the laser engraver - I have to get this right first time, only one go only one chance - don't want it to burst into flames or any of it going all the way through and destroying it.

 

[Reynard]

However @Reynard seemed to have absolutely nailed it - I can't explain it, but it now sounds right, he seems to know what he's doing, that's the wonderful thing about a cycling forum, such a variety of people, there is always somebody who knows

This girl is very flattered xxx

 

[Marchrider]

@Reynard or anyone who knows
Heaven's dancers swift and strong
Should Heavens have an apostrophe ? would the apostrophe make it 'Heaven Is" ?

 

[Ming the Merciless]

Yes, and no. In this case it’s ownership rather than plural. Bit like Paul’s dog not Pauls dog.

 

[Dogtrousers]

@Reynard or anyone who knows
Heaven's dancers swift and strong
Should Heavens have an apostrophe ? would the apostrophe make it 'Heaven Is" ?

Yes

It's a possessive (the dancers of heaven)

"Heavens dancers" wouldn't make any sense. It would just be two plural words next to each other.

 

[The Crofted Crest]

"Heavens dancers" wouldn't make any sense.

"Heavens, dancers!" would make perfect, if a little outdated, sense.

 

[Dogtrousers]

"Heavens, dancers!" would make perfect, if a little outdated, sense.

Heavens, dancers! Pull yourselves together! Your pas de deux is appalling!

 

[Marchrider]

Heavens, dancers! Pull yourselves together! Your pas de deux is appalling!

I couldn't make my mind up if it was a place or something else, so of course if is is a place then apostrophe needed

 

[numbnuts]

All my life's a circle
Sunrise and sundown
The moon rolls through the nighttime
'Til the daybreak comes around
All my life's a circle
But I can't tell you why
The seasons spinning round again
The years keep rolling by


View: https://youtu.be/fW0vjZiu_rw?si=A37HIdmFGqIL_3uf

 

[Reynard]

@Reynard or anyone who knows
Heaven's dancers swift and strong
Should Heavens have an apostrophe ? would the apostrophe make it 'Heaven Is" ?

Yes, there should be an apostrophe.

It are the dancers of heaven, ergo it's a possessive.