Any good jokes ... ?

[rustybolts]

The Pope dies and stands before the Gates of Heaven.​

He knocks and St. Peter opens the Gate.

St.Peter:"Yes?? How can i help you??"

Pope:"I wanna speak with God."

St.Peter:"And you are ???"

Pope frustrated:"Im the Pope!!!"

St. Peter:"Doesnt ring a bell."

Pope very angry:"I DEMAND TO SPEAK WITH GOD!!!"

St.Peter closes the Gate and goes to God.

St.Peter:"My Lord there is someone who wants to talk with you."

God:"Who?"

St.Peter:"He calls himself the Pope."

God:"Who is that supposed to be?"

St.Peter:" I dont know, what should we do with him??"

God:"Let Jesus talk with him, he spent some time down there."

Jesus goes to the Pope.

A few Minutes later Jesus returns Laughing like there is no Tomorrow.

God:"Whats so funny Jesus??"

Jesus:"Father you wont believe this, that Fishing Club i founded 2000 years ago still exists!!!"

 

[craigwend]

 

[Cavalol]

 

[tyred]

 

[Cavalol]

Despite having retired 12 years ago, I now have a new job as my wife's sexual advisor. Well, I think that's what she meant when she said if she wanted my f*****g advice that she'd ask for it.

 

[tyred]

I was washing my car when my neighbour asked "Are you washing your car?"

I replied "No, I'm watering it to see if it grows into a bus!"

 

[Pblakeney]

I was washing my car when my neighbour asked "Are you washing your car?"

I replied "No, I'm watering it to see if it grows into a bus!"

Apparently I wash mine to give birds a place to poop.

 

[Seevio]

Apparently I wash mine to give birds a place to poop.

Nobody likes a dirty toilet.

 

[ebikeerwidnes]

I was washing my car when my neighbour asked "Are you washing your car?"

I replied "No, I'm watering it to see if it grows into a bus!"

Your neighbour needs to go on a reeducation programme

the correct comment when seeing a neighbour washing their car is "feel free to do mine next" - or similar

 

[craigwend]

 

[morrisman]

I was addicted to buying boats until I was prescribed some antibuyachtics

 

[presta]

 

[screenman]

I was washing my car when my neighbour asked "Are you washing your car?"

I replied "No, I'm watering it to see if it grows into a bus!"

And did it?

 

[rustybolts]

The pope dies. He arrives at the Pearly Gates and finds them unattended, so he calls out to St Peter. St Peter calls back, "I'm busy. You're the pope,, you've got the keys to the kingdom of heaven yourself." "I've got the keys all right," says the pope, "but that Luther guy has changed the lock."

 

[cisamcgu]

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Not sure I understand the humour ... but I often miss things