Any good jokes ... ?

[rustybolts]

The Pope dies and stands before the Gates of Heaven.​

He knocks and St. Peter opens the Gate.

St.Peter:"Yes?? How can i help you??"

Pope:"I wanna speak with God."

St.Peter:"And you are ???"

Pope frustrated:"Im the Pope!!!"

St. Peter:"Doesnt ring a bell."

Pope very angry:"I DEMAND TO SPEAK WITH GOD!!!"

St.Peter closes the Gate and goes to God.

St.Peter:"My Lord there is someone who wants to talk with you."

God:"Who?"

St.Peter:"He calls himself the Pope."

God:"Who is that supposed to be?"

St.Peter:" I dont know, what should we do with him??"

God:"Let Jesus talk with him, he spent some time down there."

Jesus goes to the Pope.

A few Minutes later Jesus returns Laughing like there is no Tomorrow.

God:"Whats so funny Jesus??"

Jesus:"Father you wont believe this, that Fishing Club i founded 2000 years ago still exists!!!"

 

[craigwend]

 

[Cavalol]

 

[tyred]

 

[Cavalol]

Despite having retired 12 years ago, I now have a new job as my wife's sexual advisor. Well, I think that's what she meant when she said if she wanted my f*****g advice that she'd ask for it.

 

[tyred]

I was washing my car when my neighbour asked "Are you washing your car?"

I replied "No, I'm watering it to see if it grows into a bus!"

 

[Pblakeney]

I was washing my car when my neighbour asked "Are you washing your car?"

I replied "No, I'm watering it to see if it grows into a bus!"

Apparently I wash mine to give birds a place to poop.