Any good jokes ... ?

[Joey Shabadoo]

Tesco, good, occasionally busy later.

Sainsburys, moderate to good, sale on Corn Flakes.

Asda, slight to moderate, heavy crowds by evening.

Marks and Spencers and Co-Op, fair.

Waitrose fair to moderate, spillage in aisle 7.

Lidl, rough at first, moderate later.

And that's the end of the Shopping Forecast.

 

[Cavalol]

Traffic news: A lorry carrying spicy beef and beans has collided with a rice lorry on the M4. Police say it's chilli con carnage at the scene.

 

[Dave7]

Not a joke as such, just a bit of humour.

https://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news...-if-this-lasts-100-fking-years-20200410195325

 

[mistyoptic]

 

[Cavalol]

What do you call a bee that eats other bees?


Hannibal Nectar.

 

[Dayvo]

 

[tyred]

One needs to improvise...

 

[Cavalol]

My ex-girlfriend and I were a fastidious couple.

She was fast and I was hideous.

 

[Kajjal]

Thanks for all the jokes they are keeping my "more experienced" relatives laughing in their isolation at the moment on a daily basis

 

[doughnut]

As if things aren't bad enough these days, isolation has taken its toll and it turns out Mrs Doughnut has left me.
She said she was just popping out for a pint of milk, but she never came back.
Thanks for all the messages of support and offers of help, but I will be ok.
I've got some powdered milk here that I can use instead.

 

[Dayvo]

And as if by magic, doughnut posted this, it seems!

 

[doughnut]

 

[swee'pea99]

My ex-girlfriend and I were a fastidious couple.

She was fast and I was hideous.

Reminds me of when I was in a changing room years and years ago and there were a couple of young Asian lads talking and one said to the other in a sort of Peter Sellers bad Indian accent, it's kind of a love hate relationship: she loves me and I hate her.

 

[Cavalol]

Halloumi – the only cheese that greets itself in the third person.

 

[Joey Shabadoo]