You are my wife and I claim my five pounds.
Any good jokes ... ?
- Thread starter cisamcgu
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You are my wife and I claim my five pounds.
The cat is now in Lockdown, I am trying to explain karma, but he keeps breaking out into Boy George impersonations, he's not taking this seriously.
betty swollocks
large member
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The Crofted Crest
Veteran
raleighnut
Legendary Member
- Location
- One of the 'Elite'
You've got some beans 
F70100
Who, me ?
Trump has a heart attack and dies. He goes to hell where the devil is waiting for him.
"I don't know what to do", says the Devil. "You're on my list but I have no room for you. But, you definitely have to stay here so I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I've got three people here who were not quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them go but you have to take their place. I'll even let you decide who leaves."
Trump thought that sounded pretty good so he agrees.
The Devil opened the first room. In it was Richard Nixon and a large pool of water. He kept diving in and surfacing empty handed over and over and over an over, such was his fate in hell. "No!" says Trump, "I don't think so. I'm not a good swimmer and I don't think I could do that all day long".
The Devil led him to the next room. In it was Tony Blair with a sledgehammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing that hammer time after time after time after time. "No! I've got this problem with my shoulder. I would be in constant agony if all I could do was break rocks all day!" commented Trump.
The Devil opened the third door. In it, Trump saw Bill Clinton lying naked on the floor with his arms behind his head and his legs spread eagled. Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best. Trump looked at this in disbelief for a while and finally said "Yeah. I can handle this."
The Devil smiled and said "OK Monica, you're free to go!"
"I don't know what to do", says the Devil. "You're on my list but I have no room for you. But, you definitely have to stay here so I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I've got three people here who were not quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them go but you have to take their place. I'll even let you decide who leaves."
Trump thought that sounded pretty good so he agrees.
The Devil opened the first room. In it was Richard Nixon and a large pool of water. He kept diving in and surfacing empty handed over and over and over an over, such was his fate in hell. "No!" says Trump, "I don't think so. I'm not a good swimmer and I don't think I could do that all day long".
The Devil led him to the next room. In it was Tony Blair with a sledgehammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing that hammer time after time after time after time. "No! I've got this problem with my shoulder. I would be in constant agony if all I could do was break rocks all day!" commented Trump.
The Devil opened the third door. In it, Trump saw Bill Clinton lying naked on the floor with his arms behind his head and his legs spread eagled. Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best. Trump looked at this in disbelief for a while and finally said "Yeah. I can handle this."
The Devil smiled and said "OK Monica, you're free to go!"
Drago
Legendary Member
- Location
- Suburban Poshshire
There is to be a national handicap to show our appreciation for delivery drivers. It'll be tomorrow, any time between 9am and 6pm.
DaveReading
Don't suffer fools gladly (must try harder!)
- Location
- Reading, obvs
Happily, this one has been posted already, before it got mangled by your predictive text.
Drago
Legendary Member
- Location
- Suburban Poshshire
Damn and blast! Although you could argue my predictive text faux pas is a joke in it's own right 
Smokin Joe
Squire
- Location
- Bare headed cyclist, Smoker
There's a place in town where you can still get your hair and nails done despite the lockdown.
It's the undertakers.
It's the undertakers.
