Any good jokes ... ?

[Stringy Bob]

A teenage scouser goes to the chemist and asks for some condoms. Bloke behind the counter gives him a knowing look and asks if it's his first time.

Scouser says, no, i've smuggled drugs loads of times.

 

[simon the viking]

[QUOTE 2836904, member: 1314"]Geordie visiting doctor: "Me leg's bad, man, can ye give us a sick note?"

Doctor: "Can you walk?"

Geordie: "Work? Y'a kiddin' man, A cannet even waak!"

Nah. Still don't get it.[/quote]
There's a couple of jokes based on the South Derbyshire accent.....but you have to be a "Swaddie" ie from Swadlincote to "get" them.... but here goes....

A Swaddie is on the golf couse and he hits a great first drive.... his mate says "Great T shot." The man replies "Cheers I got it from Primark......."

The local Chinese takeaway in Swad is laying staff off..... there's no wok on

I apologise to any people from South Derbyshire in advance for any offence caused....

 

[derrick]

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?...673.1073741825.166004983466506&type=1&theater

 

[mrcunning]

My cat can say its own name, ive called it meoowww.

 

[machew]

My wife wanted something that went from 0 -150 in 4 seconds for Christmas
so I bought her a bathroom scale

 

[martint235]

My cat can say its own name, ive called it meoowww.

You nicked that from Mrs Brown's Boys!!

 

[mrcunning]

You nicked that from Mrs Brown's Boys!!

facebook actually..its not the calibre of one of my usuals..

 

[vernon]

A Scottish boy asks his father for twenty quid. His father replied, "ten quid, what in the world do you need five quid for, I'd be happy to give you a quid, here's fifty pence."

 

[TVC]

There's a couple of jokes based on the South Derbyshire accent.....but you have to be a "Swaddie" ie from Swadlincote to "get" them.... but here goes....

A Swaddie is on the golf couse and he hits a great first drive.... his mate says "Great T shot." The man replies "Cheers I got it from Primark......."

The local Chinese takeaway in Swad is laying staff off..... there's no wok on

I apologise to any people from South Derbyshire in advance for any offence caused....

Don't worry, they won't notice, they'll all be sat on their front porch playing the banjo.

 

[thom]

What do you call a turkey in a shell-suit ?


An egg..

 

[mrcunning]

How do you comfort an English Teacher?

There, their, they're!

 

[Speicher]

Did you hear about the two English teachers? One wanted to conjugate, the other wished to decline.

 

[Stephenite]

What does the 'B' in Benoit B Mandelbrot stand for?


Benoit B Mandelbrot.

 

[Stephenite]

There are 10 kinds of people in this world, those who understand binary, and those who don't.

 

[Stephenite]

A blowfly goes into a bar and asks:

"Is that stool taken?"

Last 3 jokes shamelessly copied and pasted from the guardian.