betty swollocks
large member
It'd be shellfish not to.
Any good jokes ... ?
- Thread starter cisamcgu
- Start date
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Electric_Andy
Heavy Metal Fan
- Location
- Plymouth
Shellfish aren't fish; the term refers to water-dwelling animals including but not limited to crustaceans 
morrisman
Guru
As all QI aficionados know there is no such thing as a fishShellfish aren't fish; the term refers to water-dwelling animals including but not limited to crustaceans
View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uhwcEvMJz1Y
betty swollocks
large member
That'll teach me. I'll clam up now and challenge you to a barnacle fight; one without the gloves.Shellfish aren't fish; the term refers to water-dwelling animals including but not limited to crustaceans
Profpointy
Legendary Member
Well, there are such things as fish ... providing we accept that mammals, birds, amphibia etc are all fish
No such thing as a reptile though
Kempstonian
Has the memory of a goldfish
- Location
- Bedford
How’s your day going?
Here I was, sitting at a bar, when a large trouble making biker steps up next to me, grabs my drink and gulps it down in one swig. “Well, whatcha gonna do about it?” he says menacingly as I burst into tears.
“Come on, man,” says the biker. I didn’t think you’d CRY. I can’t stand to see a man crying!”
“This is the worst day of my life,” I say. “I am a complete failure. I was late to a meeting and my boss fired me. When I went to the parking lot, I found that my car had been stolen and I don’t have any insurance. I left my wallet in the cab I took home. I found my wife with another man, and then my dog bit me.”
“So I came to this bar to work up the courage to end it all. So I buy a drink, I drop a capsule in, and sit here watching the poison dissolve. Then you show up and drink the whole thing!
“But enough about me. How’s your day going?
Here I was, sitting at a bar, when a large trouble making biker steps up next to me, grabs my drink and gulps it down in one swig. “Well, whatcha gonna do about it?” he says menacingly as I burst into tears.
“Come on, man,” says the biker. I didn’t think you’d CRY. I can’t stand to see a man crying!”
“This is the worst day of my life,” I say. “I am a complete failure. I was late to a meeting and my boss fired me. When I went to the parking lot, I found that my car had been stolen and I don’t have any insurance. I left my wallet in the cab I took home. I found my wife with another man, and then my dog bit me.”
“So I came to this bar to work up the courage to end it all. So I buy a drink, I drop a capsule in, and sit here watching the poison dissolve. Then you show up and drink the whole thing!
“But enough about me. How’s your day going?
Threevok
Growing old disgracefully
- Location
- South Wales
My 3 year old daughter asked for a Baby Annabell doll for Xmas
I think she's gonna love it
I think she's gonna love it
Last edited:
Beebo
Firm and Fruity
- Location
- Hexleybeef
My wife sponsored an African child for Christmas last year.
Imagine our disappointment when he didn’t even run in the marathon.
Imagine our disappointment when he didn’t even run in the marathon.
Mike Ayling
Veteran
- Location
- Melbourne Downunda
Slick
Guru
To be fair, it was posted around that time.
Senior Sex
Husband leans over and asks his wife, "Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago? We went behind the village tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you."
Yes, she says, "I remember it well."
OK, he says, "How about taking a stroll around there again and we can do it for old time's sake?"
"Oh Jim, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy, but good idea!"
A police officer sitting in the next booth heard their conversation and, having a chuckle to himself, he thinks to himself, I've got to see these two old-timers having
sex against a fence. I'll just keep an eye on them so there's no trouble. So he follows them.
The elderly couple walks haltingly along, leaning on each other for support aided by walking sticks. Finally, they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence The old lady lifts her skirt and the old man drops his trousers. As she leans against the fence, the old man moves in.. Then suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the policeman has ever seen. This goes on for about ten minutes while both are making loud noises and moaning and screaming. Finally, they both collapse, panting on the ground.
The policeman is amazed. He thinks he has learned something about life and old age that he didn't know.
After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggle to their feet and put their clothes back on. The policeman, is still watching and thinks to himself, this is truly amazing, I've got to ask them what their secret is.
So, as the couple passes, he says to them, "Excuse me, but that was something else. You must've had a fantastic sex life together. Is there some sort of secret to this?"
Shaking, the old man is barely able to reply,
"Fifty years ago that wasn't an electric fence."
Husband leans over and asks his wife, "Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago? We went behind the village tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you."
Yes, she says, "I remember it well."
OK, he says, "How about taking a stroll around there again and we can do it for old time's sake?"
"Oh Jim, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy, but good idea!"
A police officer sitting in the next booth heard their conversation and, having a chuckle to himself, he thinks to himself, I've got to see these two old-timers having
sex against a fence. I'll just keep an eye on them so there's no trouble. So he follows them.
The elderly couple walks haltingly along, leaning on each other for support aided by walking sticks. Finally, they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence The old lady lifts her skirt and the old man drops his trousers. As she leans against the fence, the old man moves in.. Then suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the policeman has ever seen. This goes on for about ten minutes while both are making loud noises and moaning and screaming. Finally, they both collapse, panting on the ground.
The policeman is amazed. He thinks he has learned something about life and old age that he didn't know.
After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggle to their feet and put their clothes back on. The policeman, is still watching and thinks to himself, this is truly amazing, I've got to ask them what their secret is.
So, as the couple passes, he says to them, "Excuse me, but that was something else. You must've had a fantastic sex life together. Is there some sort of secret to this?"
Shaking, the old man is barely able to reply,
"Fifty years ago that wasn't an electric fence."
Mike Ayling
Veteran
- Location
- Melbourne Downunda
