Any good jokes ... ?

[colly]

My extra sensitive toothpaste doesn't like it when I use other toothpastes.

 

[Cavalol]

Does anyone else find the tinnitus helpline useless?

It just keeps ringing.

 

[Cavalol]

Been trying to think of the woman's name that used to captain the England Cricket team, I believe it was Rachel something but it won't come to me. Oh well, heigh-ho.

 

[colly]

I had 500 Kit Kats in my fridge and my mate only had one Kit Kat.
I pressured him into giving his to a homeless guy.
That's basically how celebrity charity appeals work.

 

[Joey Shabadoo]

I had 500 Kit Kats in my fridge and my mate only had one Kit Kat.
I pressured him into giving his to a homeless guy.
That's basically how celebrity charity appeals work.

You could add -

I had 500 Kit Kats in my fridge and my mate only had one Kit Kat.
I pressured him into giving his to a homeless guy.
Nestle gave me 5 Kit Kats as a reward
That's basically how celebrity charity appeals work

 

[Markymark]

How about I have 500 kitkats in a cupboard (what sort of idiot keeps them in a fridge). I used my status to highlight an issue many may not know or care about about to convince hundreds of thousand of people to give half of a finger if they can spare it to a homeless person.

 

[swee'pea99]

How about I have 500 kitkats in a cupboard (what sort of idiot keeps them in a fridge). I used my status to highlight an issue many may not know or care about about to convince hundreds of thousand of people to give half of a finger if they can spare it to a homeless person.

I hope he likes KitKats.

 

[JtB]

How about I have 500 kitkats in a cupboard (what sort of idiot keeps them in a fridge). I used my status to highlight an issue many may not know or care about about to convince hundreds of thousand of people to give half of a finger if they can spare it to a homeless person.

Or to give their middle finger to the celebrity.

 

[srw]

How about I have 500 kitkats in a cupboard (what sort of idiot keeps them in a fridge). I used my status to highlight an issue many may not know or care about about to convince hundreds of thousand of people to give half of a finger if they can spare it to a homeless person.

The trouble with that isn't that it's much more accurate (although you forgot the bit where you used a lot of your time, when you could have been stockpiling KitKats, for free to do the persuading), it's that smug gits who think there's something fishy about trying to change things for the better for other people will never snigger and share it.

 

[Cavalol]

Got my test results back today - negative, thank God.

What is IQ anyway?

 

[JtB]

A “cruel” joke (on the country) rather than a “good” joke

 

[colly]

JK Rowling talking about the 20th anniversary of Harry Potter. I don't think anyone has milked a small wizard this much since Debbie Magee.

 

[morrisman]

Yesterday I saw a police officer wearing a pilot's uniform,
I thought it was a bit odd.
Then I realised he was one of those plane clothes officers.

 

[Oldbloke]

Yesterday I saw a police officer wearing a pilot's uniform,
I thought it was a bit odd.
Then I realised he was one of those plane clothes officers.

Flying Squad?

 

[Cavalol]

Not enough late '90s novelty pop bands are being kidnapped these days.

I've taken Steps to rectify this.