Any good jokes ... ?

[AndyRM]

I just read that more people die from choking on sweet packaging than sweets themselves.

Gums don't kill people, wrappers do.

Did you hear that joke in a documentary on BBC Two?

 

[Smokin Joe]

Women spend more time wondering what men are thinking than men spend thinking.

 

[bruce1530]

“Johnny, come over here and sit down for a minute. I want to talk to you.”

“Yes mummy, what is it?”

“I’ve had a letter from your teacher. She’s very angry. She says you said the C-word. Now, that wasn’t clever, was it?”

“No, mummy, it was c***"

 

[Salty seadog]

10 minutes but well worth the watch.

 

[swee'pea99]

Bono and Edge walk into a pub.

Barman says "Not you two again"

 

[Cavalol]

Intelligence agencies have learnt of a possible attack on the tiddlywinks world championships.

Counter terrorist police have been put on stand by.

 

[Pro Tour Punditry]

Two cats had a swimming race. One was called "One Two Three" and the other "Un Deux Trois".

One Two Three was the victor because Un Deux Trois cat sank.

 

[Speicher]

Two cats had a swimming race. One was called "One Two Three" and the other "Un Deux Trois".

One Two Three was the victor because Un Deux Trois cat sank.

Cease please! Sept ember was a good month for jokes. Wit? Had en neuf now. Dix has gone on too long.

 

[slow scot]

Cease please! Sept ember was a good month for jokes. Wit? Had en neuf now. Dix has gone on too long.

What do you have against the number eight? Are you "huit intolerant"?

 

[TheDoctor]

I eight these puns.

 

[roadrash]

yeah they leave me feeling TENse

 

[Tenacious Sloth]

Its ok four you lot, I’m no good eight these puns.

 

[Cavalol]

A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption.

One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named Amal".

The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him "Juan".

Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal.

Her husband responds, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

 

[swee'pea99]

What do you have against the number eight? Are you "huit intolerant"?

That's not the funniest joke on this thread, but it's definitely in the running for cleverest. Chapeau, sirrah.

 

[Speicher]

What do you have against the number eight? Are you "huit intolerant"?

Wit = huit obvs too subtle.

I do not know how you have the neuf to ask that.