Any good jokes ... ?

[Joey Shabadoo]

A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller.
He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patty Whack.
"Miss Whack, I'd like to get a £30,000 loan to take a holiday."
Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's okay, he knows the bank manager.
Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.
The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.
Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office.
She finds the manager and says, "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow £30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral." She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is this?"

The bank manager looks back at her and says, "It's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."

 

[Cavalol]

 

[Cavalol]

Does anyone know an anagram for "frisking a deaf minor"?

I'm asking for a friend.

 

[Salty seadog]

That's 5 minutes of my life I want back please!

I gave up after 2 and skipped to the end. Wish I had gone to the toilet instead

 

[Cavalol]

I had another row with my neighbour yesterday.

It's one of the perks of living near a boating lake.

 

[Joey Shabadoo]

In the jungle, a group of explorers hear distant drumming. Their native bearers suddenly seem very afraid. The expedition's leader asks them, "What's going on?" A native bearer replies, "Very bad when drumming stops." So the leader asks, "Why, what happens then?" The bearer explains, "Bass solo starts."

 

[Cavalol]

Furious that I can’t remember how to write 1, 1000, 51, 6, 500 in Roman numerals.

 

[benb]

View attachment 415318

More like great-grandfather.

 

[wheresthetorch]

I have up after 2 and skipped to the end. Wish I had gone to the toilet instead

I did both at the same time . . .

 

[Cavalol]

Supposed to be going to a Whitesnake concert with my mate tonight, but he’s let me down.

Here I go again, on my own.

 

[HertzvanRental]

The Devon and Cornwall Music Festival, due for this coming weekend, has been cancelled.
The organisers couldn't decide whether the Jam, or Cream should go on first.

 

[Cavalol]

I've just started the Adam Ant diet.

Don't chew ever, don't chew ever.

 

[Cavalol]

Aww are you two twins?

No, why do you ask?

Cus mummy dressed you both the same.

Ok that’s enough, your drivers license please.

 

[Cavalol]

What do we want?
Northern Irish accents.
When do we want them?
Noiy.

 

[Chris S]

Furious that I can’t remember how to write 1, 1000, 51, 6, 500 in Roman numerals.

Shouldn't that be "I'm LIVID that I can’t remember how to write 1, 1000, 51, 6, 500 in Roman numerals"?