Any good jokes ... ?

[Cavalol]

 

[swee'pea99]

Apparently terrorists have hijacked a plane full of accordion players. They say if their demands aren't met they will release one accordion player an hour.

 

[LCpl Boiled Egg]

Who is the coolest person in the hospital? The ultrasound technician.

Who is the second coolest person in the hospital? The hip replacement surgeon.

 

[raleighnut]

Who is the coolest person in the hospital? The ultrasound technician.

Who is the second coolest person in the hospital? The hip replacement surgeon.

What's the difference between a Consultant Surgeon and God

God doesn't think he's a Surgeon.

(Told to me by a Nurse whilst I was in Hospital after having a Titanium Rod inserted in my Femur)

 

[Cavalol]

Geoff Vapes

 

[Smokin Joe]

My girlfriend complained that I never buy her flowers.

I never even knew she sold them.

 

[Electric_Andy]

I went to the Doctors the other day and said "Dr, I keep getting pains in my groin". He said "Do you eat turnips?". I said "no". And he said "Well, it can't be that then"

 

[betty swollocks]

 

[Joey Shabadoo]

View attachment 414042

Oh that is good

 

[monkeytennis]

Just been shopping and stocked the fridge up with beers ready for the World Cup...San Miguel for when Spain play cos it's Spanish, Becks for when Germany play cos it's German, Stella for when Belgium play cos it's Belgian, and Carling for when England play cos it's shite...

 

[monkeytennis]

View attachment 414042

 

[AndyRM]

It is a sketch show, but having been around in the 70s and 80s it doesn't seem that far fetched.

Not sure I'd call Look Around You a sketch show. Shame that cuts off right before the best bit, "obviously I don't wear make up".

 

[Cavalol]

The guy sat next to me on the train pulled out a photo of his wife and said, “She’s beautiful, isn’t she?” I said, “If you think she’s beautiful, you should see my girlfriend mate.”
He said, “Why? Is she a stunner?” I said, “No, she’s an optician.”

 

[Cavalol]

I can't believe I've been voted Britain's slowest marathon runner again!

That's 8 years running!

 

[Cavalol]

To get over my fear of crowds, I went to a cowboy & Indian fancy dress night .

I put on a Brave face .