Any good jokes ... ?

[ufkacbln]

I'd give it another ten minutes.

An oft heard quote after a diarrhoea session in the loo

 

[glasgowcyclist]

An oft heard quote after a diarrhoea session in the loo

No shît, Sherlock.

 

[Markymark]

Asked Siri on my iPhone what the weather will be like today.

"34 degrees" it said.
"Surely that can't be right?" I asked
"It is and don't call me Shirley"

Must have left my phone in airplane mode...

 

[Cavalol]

My dog Minton just ate two shuttlecocks. Bad Minton.

 

[Smokin Joe]

I shouldn't tell you this, but today is the start of National Constipation Week.

Keep it to yourself.

 

[raleighnut]

I shouldn't tell you this, but today is the start of National Constipation Week.

Keep it to yourself.

If you're struggling to calculate how many minutes that it lasts get a mathematician to work it out with a pencil.

 

[LinchPin]

At Nandos what do you call the space between the front and back doors ?
Peri-Peri-nium

 

[ufkacbln]

No shît, Sherlock.

That is constipation, see above

 

[morrisman]

In an attempt to redeem myself:

Woke up this morning to find 3 EasyJets planes in the bedroom, seems I left the landing lights on.

 

[PaulSB]

^^^ Love it

 

[Hitchington]

Did you hear about the sceptical onarist?
He couldn't believe he pulled it off.

 

[Andy_R]

What about the evil group of men who control all the cheese in the world?

They're known as the Hallouminati....

 

[Threevok]

Told to me by my 7 year old ...

Why did Tigger have his head down the toilet ?

He was looking for Pooh

 

[PaulB]

What's the difference between the bagpipes and onions?

No one cries if you cut up the bagpipes.

 

[ufkacbln]

Search shows 23 pages of "hat jokes"

So if this is a repeat my apologies

A man walks into a pub and hangs his hat and coat up on the peg. There's a dog sat in the corner which leaps up grabs the hat and rips it to pieces.

Man: I say, your dog's just ruined my hat.
Dog owner: So what. I couldn't care less.
Man: I don't like your attitude !
Dog owner: It's not my attitude, it's your hat he chewed