Any good jokes ... ?

[Joey Shabadoo]

Old Ethiopian proverb: You can't have your cake or eat it.

 

[glasgowcyclist]

I saw a car with a sticker that said: "I'm vet, so I drive like an animal".

Made me realise how many gynaecologists there are on the road.

 

[Inertia]

Another busy night at all the British henge sites as staff work all night to move the stones forward by an hour.

 

[TVC]

This made I laugh from Viz.

 

[morrisman]

After running out of space in my toolbox,

I've had to get rid of my three-foot adjustable spanner,

It was quite a wrench.

 

[Joey Shabadoo]

I was in the park with my dog and I said to this bloke, "Which way did you vote?"
"I voted to leave," he replied. With that my dog bit him.

I carried on and I saw a woman, "Which way did you vote? " I asked.
"I voted to leave, " she said. My dog bit her as well.

As I carried on I met another man, "Which way did you vote?" I asked.
"I voted to remain" he said. With that my dog bit him.

My dog doesn't give a toss about politics.

 

[Venod]

 

[ozboz]

 

[morrisman]

Therapist - "So why do you want to end your marriage?"
Wife - "I can't stand his incessant Star Wars puns!"
Husband - "Divorce is strong with this one"

 

[Cubist]

Obi Wan and Skywalker are in a Chinese restaurant. Skywalker is doing his best to stick with the chopsticks, but he's really struggling. There's bits of noodle and rice all over the table, and prawns and beansprouts falling onto his chest and lap. Obi Wan can't watch any longer:
"Use the forks Luke, use the forks"

 

[threebikesmcginty]

Why did Darth Vader cross the road?

To get to the dark side.

 

[PaulB]

I bought some shoes from a drug dealer.

Not sure what he laced them with but I've been tripping all day.

 

[Speicher]

I bought some shoes from a drug dealer.

Not sure what he laced them with but I've been tripping all day.

Was your tongue hanging out? He'll have to be a sole dealer.

 

[Cubist]

How did Darth Vader know what Luke had got him for Christmas?

He felt his presents.

 

[Cubist]

I bought some shoes from a drug dealer.

Not sure what he laced them with but I've been tripping all day.

Should have stuck with Boots.