Being a modest man, when I checked into my hotel on a recent trip, I
said to
the lady at the
registration desk, "I hope the porn channel in my room is disabled." To
which she replied, "No,
it's regular porn, you sick bastard."
i tried one of those new stick deoderants this morning .. the instructions said remove cap and push up bottom ... i've had a hell of a job driving the Taxi all day
I Married a Devon Girl
The first man married a woman from Essex. He told her that she
was to do the dishes and house cleaning.. It took a couple of days, but on
the third day, he came home to see a clean house and dishes washed and put
away.
The second man married a woman from sussex. He gave his wife
orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes and the cooking. The first
day he didn't see any results, but the next day he saw it was better. By the
third day, he saw his house was clean, the dishes were done and there was a
huge dinner on the table.
The third man married a Devon Girl . He ordered her to keep the house
cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed, and hot meals on the table
for every meal. He said the first day he didn't see anything, the second day
he didn't see anything but by the third day, some of the swelling had gone
down and he could see a little out of his left eye, and his arm was healed
enough that he could fix himself a sandwich and load the dishwasher.
He still has some difficulty when he pees.
Classic use of the "F" word through time
10th - "Scattered f**king showers, my ar$e!" - Noah, 4314 BC
9th - "How the f**k did you work that out?" - Pythagoras, 126 BC
8th - "You want WHAT on the f**king ceiling?" - Michelangelo, 1566
7th - "Jeez, look at all those f**king Indians?" - Custer, 1877
6th - "It does f**king look like her!" - Picasso, 1926
5th - "Where the f**k are we?" - Amelia Earhart, 1937
4th - "Any f**king clown could understand that." - Einstein, 1938
3rd - "What the f**k was that?" - Mayor Of Hiroshima , 1945
2nd - "I need this parade like I need a f**king hole in the head!" - JFK, 1963
The number 1 most appropriate time for using the "F" word
..... "Aw c'mon. Who the f**k is going to find out?" - Tiger Woods, 2009
Simon
