Mugshot
Cracking a solo.
Last edited by a moderator:
Any good jokes ... ?
- Thread starter cisamcgu
- Start date
Page may contain affiliate links. Please see terms for details.
EnPassant
Remember Remember some date in November Member
- Location
- Gloucester
mrandmrspoves
Middle aged bald git.
- Location
- Narfuk
Here's the 'before' photo. The 'after' is a bit much for a family forum.
I looked at this and thought I don't think he would be brave enough - so I ask the question - Dairy?
You have to be old enough to remember Abbott and Costello, and too old to REALLY understand computers, to fully appreciate this. For those of us you who sometimes get flustered by our computers, please read on...
If Bud Abbott and Lou Costello were alive today, their infamous sketch, 'Who's on First?' might have turned out something like this:
COSTELLO CALLS TO BUY A COMPUTER FROM ABBOTT
ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?
COSTELLO: Thanks I'm setting up an office in my den and I'm thinking about buying a computer.
ABBOTT: Mac?
COSTELLO: No, the name's Lou.
ABBOTT: Your computer?
COSTELLO: I don't own a computer. I want to buy one.
ABBOTT: Mac?
COSTELLO: I told you, my name's Lou.
ABBOTT: What about Windows?
COSTELLO: Why? Will it get stuffy in here?
ABBOTT: Do you want a computer with Windows?
COSTELLO: I don't know. What will I see when I look at the windows?
ABBOTT: Wallpaper.
COSTELLO: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software.
ABBOTT: Software for Windows?
COSTELLO: No. On the computer! I need something I can use to write proposals, track expenses and run my business. What do you have?
ABBOTT: Office.
COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?
ABBOTT: I just did.
COSTELLO: You just did what?
ABBOTT: Recommend something.
COSTELLO: You recommended something?
ABBOTT: Yes.
COSTELLO: For my office?
ABBOTT: Yes.
COSTELLO: OK, what did you recommend for my office?
ABBOTT: Office.
COSTELLO: Yes, for my office!
ABBOTT: I recommend Office with Windows.
COSTELLO: I already have an office with windows! OK, let's just say I'm sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal. What do I need?
ABBOTT: Word.
COSTELLO: What word?
ABBOTT: Word in Office.
COSTELLO: The only word in office is office.
ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.
COSTELLO: Which word in office for windows?
ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click the blue 'W'.
COSTELLO: I'm going to click your blue 'w' if you don't start with some straight answers. What about financial bookkeeping? You have anything I can track my money with?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: That's right. What do you have?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: I need money to track my money?
ABBOTT: It comes bundled with your computer.
COSTELLO: What's bundled with my computer?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: Money comes with my computer?
ABBOTT: Yes. No extra charge.
COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much?
ABBOTT: One copy.
COSTELLO: Isn't it illegal to copy money?
ABBOTT: Microsoft gave us a license to copy Money.
COSTELLO: They can give you a license to copy money?
ABBOTT: Why not? THEY OWN IT!
(A few days later)
ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?
COSTELLO: How do I turn my computer off?
ABBOTT: Click on 'START'.............
If Bud Abbott and Lou Costello were alive today, their infamous sketch, 'Who's on First?' might have turned out something like this:
COSTELLO CALLS TO BUY A COMPUTER FROM ABBOTT
ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?
COSTELLO: Thanks I'm setting up an office in my den and I'm thinking about buying a computer.
ABBOTT: Mac?
COSTELLO: No, the name's Lou.
ABBOTT: Your computer?
COSTELLO: I don't own a computer. I want to buy one.
ABBOTT: Mac?
COSTELLO: I told you, my name's Lou.
ABBOTT: What about Windows?
COSTELLO: Why? Will it get stuffy in here?
ABBOTT: Do you want a computer with Windows?
COSTELLO: I don't know. What will I see when I look at the windows?
ABBOTT: Wallpaper.
COSTELLO: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software.
ABBOTT: Software for Windows?
COSTELLO: No. On the computer! I need something I can use to write proposals, track expenses and run my business. What do you have?
ABBOTT: Office.
COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?
ABBOTT: I just did.
COSTELLO: You just did what?
ABBOTT: Recommend something.
COSTELLO: You recommended something?
ABBOTT: Yes.
COSTELLO: For my office?
ABBOTT: Yes.
COSTELLO: OK, what did you recommend for my office?
ABBOTT: Office.
COSTELLO: Yes, for my office!
ABBOTT: I recommend Office with Windows.
COSTELLO: I already have an office with windows! OK, let's just say I'm sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal. What do I need?
ABBOTT: Word.
COSTELLO: What word?
ABBOTT: Word in Office.
COSTELLO: The only word in office is office.
ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.
COSTELLO: Which word in office for windows?
ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click the blue 'W'.
COSTELLO: I'm going to click your blue 'w' if you don't start with some straight answers. What about financial bookkeeping? You have anything I can track my money with?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: That's right. What do you have?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: I need money to track my money?
ABBOTT: It comes bundled with your computer.
COSTELLO: What's bundled with my computer?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: Money comes with my computer?
ABBOTT: Yes. No extra charge.
COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much?
ABBOTT: One copy.
COSTELLO: Isn't it illegal to copy money?
ABBOTT: Microsoft gave us a license to copy Money.
COSTELLO: They can give you a license to copy money?
ABBOTT: Why not? THEY OWN IT!
(A few days later)
ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?
COSTELLO: How do I turn my computer off?
ABBOTT: Click on 'START'.............
Wee Billy from Glasgay always wanted to look cool.
His friend told him that he needed a good designer pair of trainers to go with his shell suit.
Billy saved up all his Giros and all the money he got back from returning his empty bottles of ginger beer and finally managed to get himself a pair of brilliant white trainers to go with his shell suit.
Proudly, he strutted down the street calling out to all the passers by "See ma new trainers? Stonkin, eh?"
One fine upstanding gentleman pointed out that they were indeed a fine pair of trainers but was young Billy aware that one shoelace was undone?
Billy scornfully retorted that it was part of being cool to have a trailing lace on one trainer, and that on the sole of the trainer there were instructions for the wearer to do such a thing.
When asked for proof of this instruction, Billy took off his trainer and held it upside down for the disbeliever to read.
"There y'are! It clearly says ....
Taiwan !!!!!
His friend told him that he needed a good designer pair of trainers to go with his shell suit.
Billy saved up all his Giros and all the money he got back from returning his empty bottles of ginger beer and finally managed to get himself a pair of brilliant white trainers to go with his shell suit.
Proudly, he strutted down the street calling out to all the passers by "See ma new trainers? Stonkin, eh?"
One fine upstanding gentleman pointed out that they were indeed a fine pair of trainers but was young Billy aware that one shoelace was undone?
Billy scornfully retorted that it was part of being cool to have a trailing lace on one trainer, and that on the sole of the trainer there were instructions for the wearer to do such a thing.
When asked for proof of this instruction, Billy took off his trainer and held it upside down for the disbeliever to read.
"There y'are! It clearly says ....
Taiwan !!!!!
Cubist
Still wavin'
- Location
- Ovver 'thill
Oh, good grief!
When David Beckham played his last game for Real Madrid, they put an image of him on the big screen with the words 'Adios Beckham' superimposed over the top and a woman reporter on the pitch, although aware he'd played in Spain for four years, asked him if he knew what 'Adios' meant and he said, 'Of course I do. They're the ones who make my boots.'
My wife has had people take their shoes off in the local pub to show her their feet, she is a Chiropist.
I know not a joke but you have to laugh when it happens.
ClichéGuevara
Legendary Member
- Location
- Kingston upon the River Hull
Apparently he was talking to another player, who said that he was getting a cortisone injection. Beckham replied that he was getting a new car too..."
LCpl Boiled Egg
Three word soundbite
One day at a pre-match team talk, Beckham was speaking to the rest of the team.
"They're small, they're white, and they make your breath smell minty."
Alex Ferguson leant over and whispered "David, I asked you to talk about tactics..."
"They're small, they're white, and they make your breath smell minty."
Alex Ferguson leant over and whispered "David, I asked you to talk about tactics..."
