Any good jokes ... ?

[OskarTennisChampion]

The rarest bird of prey is the Chesney Hawk, there is believed to be only one.

and only
(thankfully)

 

[Dave7]

95 year old Fred played golf every Sunday. One day he tells his wife "that's it......no more. I can knock the ball 250 yards down the fairway but with my failing eye-sight......I can't find it".
She says.........."why don't you ask our Harry to go with you"
He says..........."Harry is 104 years old"
She say............"yes but he has good eye-sight"
And so it was arranged.
1st hole.......250 yards, straight down the fairway. As they are walking down Fred asks "did you see it Harry"??
Harry says "Oh yes.......I saw it".
"Where is it then" asks Fred.
Harry looks around, a bit perplexed and says.................."I don't know.......I've forgotten"

 

[TwickenhamCyclist]

Made me chuckle as its a fairly accurate representation of quite a few people I know


View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z78_rAg4Ldg

 

[TwickenhamCyclist]

How many Marxists does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, the lightbulb contains the seeds of its own revolution.

I think you'll also find it isn't the light bulb that needs changing but the entire system that needs replacing...

 

[TwickenhamCyclist]

How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?
Five: One to screw the bulb in, and four to talk about how much better Ginger Baker could have changed it

Replace with Guitarists and Stevie Ray Vaughn

 

[Markymark]

I was doing a crossword:

Period between birth and death (6)

I was about to write my answer in but thought life was too short.

 

[TwickenhamCyclist]

How many computer scientists does it take to change a lighbulb?
None. That is a hardware issue

 

[TwickenhamCyclist]

How many Germans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
One. They’re efficient and not very funny.

 

[TwickenhamCyclist]

How many Grateful Dead fans does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, they just let it burn out and follow it around for a few decades

 

[martint235]

How many computer scientists does it take to change a lighbulb?
None. That is a hardware issue

Programmers surely. Computer scientists study hardware too.

 

[biggs682]

wht cany Penguins play football........ because there is snowball

 

[wheresthetorch]

Crossword clue: "To stand out clearly (7 letters)."
Wracked my brain for ages, thinking I bet in the end the answer is going to be obvious.

 

[Spartak]

Did my first cage fight today and won

The budgie didn't know what hit him.

 

[Joey Shabadoo]

And 5,4,3...

 

[TwickenhamCyclist]

And 5,4,3...

Would make Bernard Manning blush...

which reminds me of a Victoria Wood story she once told about having to share a dressing room with Roy Chubby Brown, Bernard Manning, Jim Davidson and Thora Hird... and how Thora didn't half know some filthy jokes...

(I've possibly got all the names wrong, but you get the idea)