Any good jokes ... ?

[wheresthetorch]

I met a transvestite from Greater Manchester yesterday.
He had a Wigan address.

 

[RichardB]

I took my new girlfriend home to meet my parents. We had a lovely evening and, after she'd gone, my dad leaned over and said, "Son, I think this one's a keeper."
"Awww Dad, what makes you say that?"
"She smells of elephant sh*t."

Alternative punch line:

"Cos she's got really big hands ..."

 

[RichardB]

Jokes up there ^^^ remind me:

I was on honeymoon with my new wife and one night in bed we got talking. She said: "You know how we said we wouldn't have any secrets from each other?"
"Yes," I said.
"Well, in my past life I was very different. For several years I was a hooker."
"That's not a problem. When I married you I promised to love you unconditionally, and what is past is past. I don't mind at all. Why would I have a problem with that?"
"Well, I played for Wigan."

 

[wheresthetorch]

At any time, the temptation to sing The Lion Sleeps Tonight is never more than a whim away.

 

[subaqua]

At any time, the temptation to sing The Lion Sleeps Tonight is never more than a whim away.

eeeeeeooooo eeeeeeeeeoooooo

 

[glenn forger]

Red sky at night shepherd's delight. Blue sky at night. Day.

 

[postman]

My mate thought he had found his soul mate on holiday in Thailand.
She bought him drinks,she bought him dinner,she bought him clothes.She even drove him home in her car,to her home.It wasn't until she reversed the car into the garage he twigged.

 

[RichardB]

Red sky at night shepherd's delight. Blue sky at night. Day.

This has a compelling logic.

My late father-in-law wasn't very good with words, and his version was always: "Red sky, Shepherd's Pie!"

 

[Markymark]

My mate thought he had found his soul mate on holiday in Thailand.
She bought him drinks,she bought him dinner,she bought him clothes.She even drove him home in her car,to her home.It wasn't until she reversed the car into the garage he twigged.

I saw a beautiful Thai woman on the tube this morning. . We were smiling at each other. After a while she walked over. I prayed under my breath "Don't get an erection, don't get an erection"........but she did.

 

[Cubist]

My Thai wife says that a small penis shouldn't be a barrier to a really good sex life.
She might be right, but I do wish she didn't have one.

 

[martint235]

Red sky at night shepherd's delight. Blue sky at night. Day.

Red sky at night, shepherd's delight. Red sky in the morning, shepherd's house is on fire.

 

[Aperitif]

What's the best cheese for hiding a horse?

Mascarpone

 

[benb]

What's the best cheese for hiding a horse?

Mascarpone

What cheese would you use for coaxing a bear out of its cave?
Camembert

How should you approach Welsh cheese?
Caerphilly

 

[Speicher]

I was in a cave and a bear entered the cave. He was interested in my sandwiches. I told him that he would not like my sandwiches. "Why?" said the bear, purplexed. So I said very loudly "Gouda here!", so he did!

 

[AndyRM]

Someone chucked a block of cheddar at me once.

I thought, " Well. that's not very mature."

*******************

What do you call cheese that doesn't belong to you?

Nacho cheese!