Any good jokes ... ?
- Thread starter cisamcgu
- Start date
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Scotchlovingcylist
Formerly known as Speedfreak
Got up at 4.30 and thought I'd cycle to work, got the bike out of the shed and it started to pour down so I thought sod this I'll get back into bed for an hour. Into bed and spooned the missus who was half asleep, I said it's pouring down outside
She said yeah and that daft bugger has cycled to work.
She said yeah and that daft bugger has cycled to work.
Toshiba Boy
N+1er
- Location
- By the beach, West Zummerzet
Chris S
Legendary Member
- Location
- Birmingham
Seevio
Guru
- Location
- South Glos
My friends take great pleasure in scaring the crap out of me.
With friends like that, who needs enemas.
With friends like that, who needs enemas.
betty swollocks
large member
A chap is fishing and hooks a salmon, he reels it in and is just going to kill it for his dinner when the salmon looks at him and implores,
"Hey mate, don't kill me, I'm only a baby, I haven't swum the seven seas yet, give me a chance pal.”
The man looks at the salmon "Hey, you can talk?" "Course I can. Go on put me back, there's much bigger fish under the bridge.” "All right, I'll put you back, what's your name?” "Rusty" answers the salmon, "And yours?" "My name's Dave."
He puts the fish back in the water & resolves to say nothing to anyone, for fear that he'll become a laughing stock.
Ten years later Dave's fishing in the same spot & he hooks a monster. It takes him two hours to land it. He looks at it & pictures it on his dinner plate. Just then the salmon opens one eye & looks at him "Dave, is that you?"
"Rusty, I don't believe it! It must be ten years since I let you go, what have you been doing?"
"Well Dave, I've had a fantastic time. I've swum the seven seas & all the oceans. In fact, I've just come across the Atlantic, but I was really disturbed."
"Why's that Rusty"?
"Well, I was half way across & a voice told me to swim deeper, so I did, deeper & deeper & I found this huge shipwreck. I counted four funnels. It felt like death so I hurriedly left."
"Wow Rusty, that was the Titanic. It sank & almost all on board were drowned."
"Ah, I knew it, in fact, I was so upset I had to sit down & write a poem about it."
"A poem, don't talk daft, you're just a fish, how can you write a poem? That's rubbish."
"No Dave, really, it's available in all bookshops now."
"Ok. so what's it called then?"
"Salmon Rusty’s Titanic Verses.”
"Hey mate, don't kill me, I'm only a baby, I haven't swum the seven seas yet, give me a chance pal.”
The man looks at the salmon "Hey, you can talk?" "Course I can. Go on put me back, there's much bigger fish under the bridge.” "All right, I'll put you back, what's your name?” "Rusty" answers the salmon, "And yours?" "My name's Dave."
He puts the fish back in the water & resolves to say nothing to anyone, for fear that he'll become a laughing stock.
Ten years later Dave's fishing in the same spot & he hooks a monster. It takes him two hours to land it. He looks at it & pictures it on his dinner plate. Just then the salmon opens one eye & looks at him "Dave, is that you?"
"Rusty, I don't believe it! It must be ten years since I let you go, what have you been doing?"
"Well Dave, I've had a fantastic time. I've swum the seven seas & all the oceans. In fact, I've just come across the Atlantic, but I was really disturbed."
"Why's that Rusty"?
"Well, I was half way across & a voice told me to swim deeper, so I did, deeper & deeper & I found this huge shipwreck. I counted four funnels. It felt like death so I hurriedly left."
"Wow Rusty, that was the Titanic. It sank & almost all on board were drowned."
"Ah, I knew it, in fact, I was so upset I had to sit down & write a poem about it."
"A poem, don't talk daft, you're just a fish, how can you write a poem? That's rubbish."
"No Dave, really, it's available in all bookshops now."
"Ok. so what's it called then?"
"Salmon Rusty’s Titanic Verses.”
betty swollocks
large member
Q: Where would a crab catch a train?
A: King's Crustacean.
A: King's Crustacean.
