Any good jokes ... ?

[Mad Doug Biker]

My story about the whisky is true as I was in the old Western in Glasgow getting a kidney removed. The old boy Mr MacDonald got drunk every night In a pub in Partick. He lived in the top floor of a tenement and could not get up the stairs on his own so he waited till a regular police patrol came along and waved his stick to get their attention and they helped up to his flat. We reckoned it was in fact part of their routine patrol to check on him every night.
It was the time of a royal wedding and it was good to know it was a holiday and they were not going to wheel you away and do very nasty things to you by way of testing various bits.
There was a rumour that we were all going to get a dram on that day but that never happened.

I wasn't doubting you, I heard the stories about Guinness and other drinks from some of the older nurses when I was in Paisley a few years back.
Not now, sadly.

Incidentally, your story reminds me of when my late Grandpa was in hospital years ago and was opposite a guy who liked a drink.
The poor guy was away the fairies and he he drank a bottle of aftershave one day just to get something!

 

[AndyRM]

 

[tyred]

 

[Seevio]

Interviewer: "It says here you have cat-like reflexes?"
Me: *slowly pushes CV off desk without breaking eye contact* "That's right."

 

[Richard A Thackeray]

Oh yeah, I have heard stories of nurses serving Guinness and other tipples to patients.

Not now though, unfortunately.

Yes it did, at our Hospital
Guinness was poured on the elderly ward, at times, as a treat, and a lot believed in the old advertising slogan
'Guinness Is Good For You'

Plus, when we were in the old Hospital (pre-2010) & the nearest pub was still open, patients on the Spinal Injuries unit who could get into wheelchairs were taken there once a week (or fortnight) by off-duty Nurses, or volunteers
Given that due to injuries/physiotherapy/home adaptation needs, some of them might be in Hospital a few months, it was a well-liked evening out!!
My g/f of the time (now wife), was a student Nurse, & went herself a few times

 

[PeteXXX]

I've got a new job!!!

So excited. I'm going to be in charge of old Mac Donald’s Farm.

I'm the new CIEIO!

 

[Electric_Andy]

I'm so upset. Fired on my first day as a sign wrtier

 

[tyred]

 

[Chris S]

That did happen once when I was in hospital for a kidney removal in 1981. In that case it was Johnie Walker given to a Mr McDonald every night when the drug trolley came round. It was the only way to get him to stay in bed and sleep.

When I was in hospital in 1972 the consultant smoked a pipe - on the ward!

 

[rikki]

When I was in hospital in 1972 the consultant smoked a pipe - on the ward!

I was in the Childrens' Hospital in 1972 and an older patient was allowed to smoke on the balcony.
He would have been about 15.

 

[Toshiba Boy]

 

[ClichéGuevara]

As the patient recovers from laser eye surgery, the surgeon comes in and asks if he wants the good news or the bad news first.

The patient excitedly asks for the good news.

The surgeon says, well, you are about to get a new dog.

 

[tyred]

 

[swee'pea99]

I was in the Childrens' Hospital in 1972 and an older patient was allowed to smoke on the balcony.
He would have been about 15.

Our French O Level teacher let the kids smoke if they wanted to. He was going to, so it seemed only fair.

 

[The Crofted Crest]

I was in a heart clinic in Bavaria and we had a choice of seven beers with the evening meal. (7!) One was alcohol-free, so I suppose that doesn't count. The man I shared a room with had a beer and a schnapps every evening.

The meal alternated between schnitzel with chips and bratwurst with fried potatoes.