Any good jokes ... ?
- Thread starter cisamcgu
- Start date
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Joey Shabadoo
My pronouns are "He", "Him" and "buggerlugs"
oops
Andy_R
Hard of hearing..I said Herd of Herring..oh FFS..
- Location
- County Durham
Joey Shabadoo
My pronouns are "He", "Him" and "buggerlugs"
I think i should exeunt gracefully, stage left
simon.r
Person
- Location
- Nottingham
On the subject of regional accents, a Nottingham one:
Man goes to a vet and says I've got a problem with my cat. The vet says it is a tom? Man says, no, I bought it with me.
Man goes to a vet and says I've got a problem with my cat. The vet says it is a tom? Man says, no, I bought it with me.
DaveReading
Don't suffer fools gladly (must try harder!)
- Location
- Reading, obvs
vernon
Harder than Ronnie Pickering
- Location
- Meanwood, Leeds
Archie_tect
De Skieven Architek... aka Penfold + Horace
- Location
- Northumberland
Joey Shabadoo
My pronouns are "He", "Him" and "buggerlugs"
I often have trouble spelling my own address. "Surrey" seems to be the hardest word.
Joey Shabadoo
My pronouns are "He", "Him" and "buggerlugs"
Christmas shopping for the wife, I tried out one of those Dyson ball cleaners.
I'm now banned from Currys.
I'm now banned from Currys.
Joey Shabadoo
My pronouns are "He", "Him" and "buggerlugs"
I've just been given two weeks to live.
The wife's gone away for a fortnight.
The wife's gone away for a fortnight.
mrcunning
Über Member
A little girl asked her Mom,
"Mom, may I take the dog for a walk around the block?"
Mom replies, "No, because she is in heat."
"What's that mean?" asked the child.
"Go ask your father. I think he's in the garage."
The little girl goes to the garage and says,
"Dad, may I take Belle for a walk around the block?
I asked Mom, but she said the dog was in heat, and to come to you."
Dad said, "Bring Belle over here."
Being old school he took a rag, soaked it with a little petrol, and
dabbed the dog's backside with it to disguise the scent, and said,
"OK, you can go now, but keep Belle on the leash and only go one time
round the block."
The little girl left .....and returned a few minutes later with no dog on the leash.
Surprised, Dad asked, "Where's Belle?"
The little girl said, "She ran out of petrol about halfway down the
block, so another dog is pushing her home."
"Mom, may I take the dog for a walk around the block?"
Mom replies, "No, because she is in heat."
"What's that mean?" asked the child.
"Go ask your father. I think he's in the garage."
The little girl goes to the garage and says,
"Dad, may I take Belle for a walk around the block?
I asked Mom, but she said the dog was in heat, and to come to you."
Dad said, "Bring Belle over here."
Being old school he took a rag, soaked it with a little petrol, and
dabbed the dog's backside with it to disguise the scent, and said,
"OK, you can go now, but keep Belle on the leash and only go one time
round the block."
The little girl left .....and returned a few minutes later with no dog on the leash.
Surprised, Dad asked, "Where's Belle?"
The little girl said, "She ran out of petrol about halfway down the
block, so another dog is pushing her home."
)I was in bed with a blind girl last night and she said that I had the biggest penis she had ever laid her hands on. I said "You're pulling my leg."
I saw a poor old lady fall over today on the sidewalk! At least I presume she was poor - she only had £1 in her purse.
My girlfriend thinks that I'm a stalker. Well, she's not exactly my girlfriend yet.
Went for my routine checkup today and everything seemed to be going fine until he stuck his index finger up my ar$e! Do you think I should change dentists?
A wife says to her husband you're always pushing me around and talking behind my back. He says what do you expect? You're in a wheel chair.
I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get reincarnated but must come back as a different creature. She said she would like to come back as a cow. I said, "You're obviously not listening".
The wife has been missing a week now. Police said to prepare for the worst. So, I have been back to the charity shop to get all of her clothes back.
At the Senior Citizens Center they had a contest the other day. I lost by one point: The question was: Where do women mostly have curly hair? Apparently the correct answer was Africa!!!
You can say lots of bad things about pedophiles but at least they drive slowly past schools.
Being a modest man, when I checked into my hotel on a recent trip, I said to the lady at the registration desk, "I hope the porn channel in my room is disabled." To which she replied, "No, it's regular people-porn, you sick ba$tard.
A friend of mine has just told me he's getting it on with his girlfriend and her twin. I said "How can you tell them apart?" He said "Her brother's got a mustache."
The Red Cross have just knocked at our door and asked if we could help towards the floods. I said we would love to, but our garden hose only reaches to the end of the driveway
I saw a poor old lady fall over today on the sidewalk! At least I presume she was poor - she only had £1 in her purse.
My girlfriend thinks that I'm a stalker. Well, she's not exactly my girlfriend yet.
Went for my routine checkup today and everything seemed to be going fine until he stuck his index finger up my ar$e! Do you think I should change dentists?
A wife says to her husband you're always pushing me around and talking behind my back. He says what do you expect? You're in a wheel chair.
I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get reincarnated but must come back as a different creature. She said she would like to come back as a cow. I said, "You're obviously not listening".
The wife has been missing a week now. Police said to prepare for the worst. So, I have been back to the charity shop to get all of her clothes back.
At the Senior Citizens Center they had a contest the other day. I lost by one point: The question was: Where do women mostly have curly hair? Apparently the correct answer was Africa!!!
You can say lots of bad things about pedophiles but at least they drive slowly past schools.
Being a modest man, when I checked into my hotel on a recent trip, I said to the lady at the registration desk, "I hope the porn channel in my room is disabled." To which she replied, "No, it's regular people-porn, you sick ba$tard.
A friend of mine has just told me he's getting it on with his girlfriend and her twin. I said "How can you tell them apart?" He said "Her brother's got a mustache."
The Red Cross have just knocked at our door and asked if we could help towards the floods. I said we would love to, but our garden hose only reaches to the end of the driveway
