Any good jokes ... ?

[rvw]

Shamelessly nicked from FB...

 

[Profpointy]

Shamelessly nicked from FB...
View attachment 617282

How about welsh?

thirteen, fourteen, fifteen,
one and fifteen, two and fifteen,
two-nines, four and fifteen, twenty,

 

[Profpointy]

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View attachment 617213

It's like the old "blonde" joke, "don't worry, I've got a spare engine in the boot"

Or a more genuine story from an account of a caving expedition to Czechoslovakia in the 60s. The border guards would bang on each car's bonnet with a rifle butt as a signal to the driver to open up for inspection. They were rather baffled when faced with a Morris Minor engine rather than the luggage compartment of the Skodas they were accustomed to. It was written in the book as if they suspected it was a sneaky capitalist trick of some sort.

 

[Chislenko]

How about welsh?

thirteen, fourteen, fifteen,
one and fifteen, two and fifteen,
two-nines, four and fifteen, twenty,

Good to see you count in the proper old way Prof.

 

[Cavalol]

View attachment 617216

Cant lie, effectively that was me today having a blood sample taken

 

[Toshiba Boy]

 

[ClichéGuevara]

You'll groan, but I bet you still smile.

Just landed a major new job at Old Macdonalds Farm.
I’m the new CIEIO.

A man I saw in the supermarket today reminded me of Michael Jackson.
He said, "Don't forget about Michael Jackson".

Pitching a new TV talent show to discover who can make the best hat.
Going to call it Who Wants To Be A Milliner?

The seminar “How To Avoid Frauds” is cancelled.
Tickets are non-refundable.


My wife has been acting very strangely since she turned 50.
Last night she told me that she wanted to help people have babies.
I reckon she’s going through a midwife crisis.


Thousands of eggs have been stolen from a local farm.
Police suspect poachers are to blame.

 

[Dayvo]

 

[PeteXXX]

 

[tyred]

 

[ClichéGuevara]

 

[Toshiba Boy]

 

[JtB]

View attachment 617325

Reminded me of

THE CHRISTMAS FAIRY STORY

Santa was very upset. It was Christmas Eve and NOTHING was going right!

Mrs. Claus had burned all the mince pies. The elves were complaining about not getting paid overtime. The reindeer had been drinking sherry all afternoon and were dead drunk. And to make matters worse, they had taken the sleigh out for a spin earlier in the day and crashed it into a tree.

Santa was furious. "I can't believe it! I've got to deliver millions of presents all over the world in just a few hours and all of my reindeer are drunk, the elves are on strike and I don't even have a Christmas tree!" He continued, "I sent that stupid little Christmas fairy out hours ago to find a tree and she isn't back yet! What am I going to do?"

Just then, the Christmas fairy opened the front door and stepped in from the snowy night, dragging a Christmas tree behind her. She said, "Yo, fat man! Where do you want me to stick the tree this year?"

And thus the tradition of fairies on top of the Christmas tree got its start.

 

[Dayvo]

 

[srj10]