Any good jokes ... ?

[Cavalol]

Some people say you lean forward when you nod.

I'm inclined to agree.

 

[Cavalol]

People who harvest honey, which one are they?
a) piarists
b) keepers

 

[Cavalol]

My wife gave me an envelope marked 'Not to opened until 2024'. Inside was a list of reasons why I can't be trusted to carry out simple instructions.

 

[PaulB]

Notice in my local butchers. “Will customers with small children please refrain from sitting them on the bacon slicer. We are getting behind with our orders”

 

[Chris S]

I used to drive past a butchers with a sign saying, "Well hung meat" outside it. Somebody must have pointed out the double-entendre because it was later changed to, "Well hung beef".

 

[Eziemnaik]

 

[Oldhippy]

Stroppy looking little sod isn't he.

 

[Eziemnaik]

Looks as if about to set light to a pet

 

[Oldhippy]

Or a sibling or nanny.

 

[Ian H]

—I went to see this faith-healer's show the other day.
—Was it any good?
—Nah. Absolute crap. Even the bloke in the wheelchair got up and walked out.

 

[Joey Shabadoo]

 

[Dayvo]

View attachment 567452

Is that a very young Ann Widdecombe?

 

[Dayvo]

 

[PeteXXX]

 

[PaulB]

I can hear music coming from under my house. I think it's the Foundations.