Any good jokes ... ?

[Andy_R]

View: https://twitter.com/FloandJoan/status/1341830206928154625

Spoiler: From the same 2 ladies...NSFW...

 

[roley poley]

don't call your new kitten Swipe as if he goes missing and you send the kids out to look for him asking the neighbors "My dad wants to know if you've got our Swipe in your house?" can be misheard

 

[Chris S]

I used to have a cat called 'Fleabag'. One of my neighbours thought I was shouting abuse at him when I was actually calling my cat in.

 

[raleighnut]

Spoiler: From the same 2 ladies...NSFW...

 

[MichaelW2]

I used to have a cat called 'Fleabag'. One of my neighbours thought I was shouting abuse at him when I was actually calling my cat in.

My landlady in Balham had a labrador called Blackie. Walks on Clapham Common were fraught, esp near the Bedford pub

 

[Arjimlad]

 

[morrisman]

What could go wrong?

 

[Tenacious Sloth]

My landlady in Balham had a labrador called Blackie. Walks on Clapham Common were fraught, esp near the Bedford pub

The guy who runs Peterborough Independent Supporters Association (PISA), who’s main remit is to get Barry Fry out of anything to do with Peterborough United FC, has a dog called ‘Fry Out’.

Note: This was true several years ago - not sure if it still is.

 

[PaulB]

Since drawing a watch on my wrist with a pen, I've been living on Biro'ed time.

 

[Dayvo]

 

[raleighnut]

Since drawing a watch on my wrist with a pen, I've been living on Biro'ed time.

Clappers was in America when he did that, he's been living on 'Tulsa' time since


View: https://youtu.be/hsGAA3cDSlo

 

[Andy_R]

 

[PaulB]

Here's a piece of advice for you.

Adv

 

[betty swollocks]

These celebrities are real moaners. Whilst working in the Savoy in London, I was serving breakfast to Elton John & Bonnie Tyler and asked Elton how his egg was?
"It's a little bit runny."
I then asked asked Bonnie.
"It's a hard egg, nothing but a hard egg."

 

[Joey Shabadoo]

Bloke gets wrecked on desert island, he’s the only one on there. Next day someone else gets wrecked there and it turns out to be a woman. Bloke goes down to say hello and finds out it’s Michelle Pfeiffer. He thinks, fantastic, I’m in here, and she says,

“There’s just the two of us here, how about we make this a friendly and a physical relationship?”

He thinks, bloody hell, that’s marvellous that, stranded on a desert island, having it off with Michelle Pfeiffer. So he’s doing this for about two or three days, and he says to her,

“You couldn’t put a false moustache on, could you, draw it out of the embers of the fire, then put this hat on and let me call you Frank?”

She thinks it’s a bit weird but agrees anyway, puts the hat and moustache on and says,

“Hey, it’s me, Frank, how you doing?”

And he turns around and says,

“Hey Frank, you’ll never guess who I’m shaggin’…”