Oh my, what have I just done?!

[EltonFrog]

This is all very interesting, some of you have had challenging things happen in your young lives. I shall be watching this thread with interest mad dog.

Hitchingdon, I don't know how you could bare not to know about your family, it's a difficult situation, the possibility of rejection against having the knowledge of knowing for sure. I wonder if this thread will make you think again.

My mother left my father when I was four, and I rarely saw him after that, maybe once a year, then when I was ten I went to live with him and my stepmother for a couple of years, of which I have very happy memories. Then I went back to live with my mother, and I never saw my dad again or heard from him until I was 18. He contacted me after coming back from Australia. Since then we've been on good terms, not close, but good mates and I love him very much even though he should've made more of an effort to support me when I was younger. He's 80 this year.

A few years ago I came to the realise that no photograph existed of me, my mother and my father together and for while this bothered me, especially as my mother died aged 48, in 1981. I mentioned this to my dad and stepmother they were not able to help in my quest to find one.

A couple of years ago my dad went back to Australia to visit some old chums he hadn't seen for thirty odd years, he returned with a black and white photo of him, my mum and me as a baby at a picnic. Apparently, one of his best mates in Oz, who ised to live in the UK, had had it for nearly fifty years. It's one my prized possessions.

I'd like to think that anyone here trying to rekindle family relationships will have a positive outcome. I look forward to hearing what happens.

 

[Over The Hill]

Ok, as some of you might be vaguely aware, I have a part of the family on my Mum's side of the family I know absolutely nothing about (other than basic details) and which my Mum doesn't want to contact and seemingly hasn't for several decades (when my Mum was a kid 60 years ago).

Thing is, I am curious just to know what happened to the family and have been for several years and, on looking on one of these geneology sites, I can see that my Mum's dad (the cause of all the probelms) is now long dead. Looking at the info available and the fact that some of his relatives seem to be on the site, I figure they know (albeit slightly) of us too, so, I have just sent a few emails to his relatives saying hello and explaining the situation.

Part of me hopes they don't reply, but at the same time, I hope they do. Nnngggggg what have I done? They could be millionaires, but at the same time, they could be the Asbo family from hell, and what do I tell my Mum if she finds out?...... Gulp!
I should have waited until my Mum has died, but that could be a very long way away.


It could end up like an episode of Eastenders, so I am trying to be careful with it until I find out who they are.

Do any of you have similar experiences?

My parents split when I was about 9 and I did not have contact with my dad for 20 years. I made contact and am pleased I did.

I rather feel that OK people dont get on and may not wish to see each other but they have no right to stop a kid being in contact with one or other parent.
It is a bit like the child abuse incidents - victim feels guilt but should not. You are in a way the victim and should have no guilt in contacting your father.
My step-mother is a witch though! So be warned!

 

[EltonFrog]

@satnavsaysstraighton. Good grief! What tangle web of intrigue your family is! Makes Les Glums look like happy families.

 

[Mad Doug Biker]

My parents split when I was about 9 and I did not have contact with my dad for 20 years. I made contact and am pleased I did.

I rather feel that OK people dont get on and may not wish to see each other but they have no right to stop a kid being in contact with one or other parent.
It is a bit like the child abuse incidents - victim feels guilt but should not. You are in a way the victim and should have no guilt in contacting your father.
My step-mother is a witch though! So be warned!

Thanks, I feel vaguely embarrassed to have been called a victim now!

By the way it was my Grandpa, my Mum's father (I might not have made that clear). He's dead now, so its his family I am trying to contact, find out more about him and, of course, them, because I know nothing about any of them.

 

[Pat "5mph"]

MDB, go for it if that's what you want, he was your grandfather after all, an important figure in one's life.
I find your curiosity legittimate. sadly, probably your Mum will be a little angry with you at first, I think.
Then she will realize, imo, that the man has passed, the danger is over.
I have a story too ... but I'm not sharing it

 

[Mad Doug Biker]

Still no reply, I am paranoid I have given too much info they didn't know.

In reality, its only, what, about 12 hours since I sent the messages, so, I'll wait.

 

[Monsieur Remings]

I think you've done a brave thing and I respect that.

Not quite on the same level but still, potentially, affecting people who are alive. When I was in my late twenties my Nan gave me a 1st War medal and I figured the name would be my own, but it wasn't, the name was Butler and I found out the family had a Jewish connection which wasn't altogether thought very highly of by some in the family I came to discover.

A few years later I was given my paternal great-grandfather's notebook from the 1st World War and in amid some fairly ordinary diary details and notes for rations etc was the name and number of the chap whose medal I had. So I knew they were mates and for some reason despite all sorts of other details (my paternal great-grandfather later married Tom Butler's sister on his homecoming whilst Tom didn't make it back) I thought it would be nice to reunite both sets of medals together in the here and now. The problem was my great-grandfather's war medals were on '...the other side of the family.'

My grandfather had fallen out with his brother (my paternal great-grandfather's two boys) sometime in the 1970s and since then my own father had not seen his cousin for nearly 40 years. I had not the slightest inkling where I would find them but somewhere in the South-East I found someone with my second name, took the step to phone and was answered by a very elderly German woman. I explained that I was looking for the wife/relative of Fred R. and after hearing me explain she said that she was indeed the wife of my grandfather's brother. Yep, so we met up and I met my dad's cousin and it all went very well, we're still in touch and I managed to reunite two old Tommies which I was rather proud of.

Eventually my nan explained the falling out between the two brothers and there was still some vitriol to be honest but since then she's accepted that I did it for the reasons I gave and all will be well. My dad would like to see his cousin too....

...my point is you wouldn't ever have known and there's nothing wrong with what you've done. If you need to you can keep them at arms length but the chances are they'll respect your curiousity and you just never know.

All the best with it Doug.

 

[Sara_H]

Hope it goes well for you MDB, but be prepared for the fact that t may not, I have a friend who was adopted and found some of her birth family through facebook - at first she was delighted, but then devastated when it turned out that her family members were not good people and they treated her very badly.

 

[Mad Doug Biker]

Yes I have images of them being the family from hell, but, would they be? You'll never know until you find out!

 

[EltonFrog]

Well, What's the worse that could happen? They could be banjo playing holy mothering axe jugglers. No biggy.

 

[DCLane]

Well, What's the worse that could happen? They could be banjo playing holy mothering axe jugglers. No biggy.

Well it is North Wales . And yes, I was an external examiner at Matthew's university, so a) I was there regularly and b) I know and like the area. Edit: I just mixed up MDB with Matthew T

My guess is they're all trying to find out who this person is who's just contacted them.

Are they local? If so, you might find you know them.

My aunt found out 30 years after the event that she'd been going to after-school clubs with her neice who she never knew.

 

[Hotblack Desiato]

Well, What's the worse that could happen? They could be banjo playing holy mothering axe jugglers. No biggy.

Or worse: One J. Savile is long-lost cousin, uncle whatever.

Anything else is a plus.

 

[Mad Doug Biker]

Well it is North Wales . And yes, I was an external examiner at Matthew's university, so a) I was there regularly and b) I know and like the area.

My guess is they're all trying to find out who this person is who's just contacted them.

Are they local? If so, you might find you know them.

My aunt found out 30 years after the event that she'd been going to after-school clubs with her neice who she never knew.

No, I'm near to Glasgow and they are in Leicester. Possibly worse than North Wales?

 

[EltonFrog]

Or worse: One J. Savile is long-lost cousin, uncle whatever.

Anything else is a plus.

Oh! Dear God.

 

[Saluki]

Good luck. I am sure that they will turn out to be nice, normal people who are a bit stunned at getting your email and will respond when they have got their heads around it all. I hear no banjos

My biological mother tracked me down when I was 37 and I got 'guilted' by the adoption agency/family finder unit that contacted me on her behalf into contacting her. She is a right misery-guts, smokes like a trooper and thinks that anyone over 7 stone is horrendous & morally corrupt. Me being 5'8" am never going to be 7 stone or under - unless I am exceedingly ill. I, apparently 'take after my father' who was a 6'6" Polish Civil Engineer. She was totally ashamed because I didn't have a job. I run my own business and have since the mid 80's, but because I didn't work in a shop she was appalled. Being left handed didn't help either. She is on my phone under the name 'oompa loompa' so I know not to answer it. She is 4'11 1/4" tall, and under 7 stone, hence the oompa loompa handle. Worst thing I ever did was succumb to the guilt tactics of the family finder unit. I didn't think that she could track me down, being adopted in 1964, but it seems that none of us are safe from biologicals wanting to track us down after dumping us in the foster/adoption system.

One of my friends suggested that I research my biological family via that website that is forever being advertised on TV but it costs money does that and I am not that curious.