25 January. Back lanes east of Truro
"I can't change time, but time changes me" was todays ear worm. David Bowie. Madame Crow says I have the wrong words again but I prefer mine. Contemplating whether I will get faster eventually or just slowly decline with passing time. Grey today, grey sky, grey world, muddy lanes, mist and drizzle. Spinning out of Truro, roads busy today with shoppers heading for the 'Bath of the West' as we like to think of ourselves, me wondering how the hills will feel today. There is a steady drip from the mist off my helmet, wetting my face and the tyres are sucking up mud and grit and throwing it at me. At least it isn't cold.
The plan today is to head east on small back lanes to avoid traffic because I worry that I won't be seen in the murk. Then when enough east is done to turn south into The Roseland then west for home. Looking at the profile on
RidewithGPS last night I worried that it resembled the profile of a particularly vicious saw. The longest hill is just 300 feet but hardly anywhere is it flat. Today I am either going up or I am going down.
I decide to take the hills steadily, spinning slowly, controlling my breath. It doesn't work, I always want to push it. Listening to the video soundtrack this evening, all I can hear is my rasping breath, asthmatic gasping, like rocks scraping against each other. There is little to see, the mist creates a bubble around me of 200 yards, trees are bare, the promise of spring I saw last week in the hedgerows has been crushed by a week of deep frost.
My mind turns inwards. The beeping Wahoo is the only reality as I ride the saw's edge, up and down, across the grain of the land, down into the valley floor and then immediately up the other side, to be faced with another swooping drop. I planned this route last year when I was feeling strong and confident. I wish now I had looked at it more carefully this morning.
Hedges, wet road, broken tarmac, long lines of mud and grit along the middle of the road, overhanging trees black and dripping. The miles pass slowly, each hill hard fought for. The Wahoo shows me why it feels hard with double digit gradients in places, hitting 22% on one hill. I roll into Tregony after more than an hour, passing the school where I was headteacher from 2001-05. The past is a different country and it feels like a dream now. The faces of the children fill my mind, I wonder what they are doing now, some in their 30s now.
I zoom downhill into Tregony, keeping pace with the traffic and feeling the wind whipping past me. This evening on Strava I see I am in the slowest 10% on that hill. I am astonished. How can people go that fast through a village centre with speed bumps?
Now it is uphill again after a brief flat alongside the raging River Fal, brown and roiling, carrying the land to the sea. This is The Roseland as I know it, small lanes, isolated houses, forgotten churches, even a forgotten village abandoned in the 19th century after an earthquake. Another fast flat by the Ruan Lanihorne creek and then steeply up through backtracking bends, who needs to go to the Alps for 1 in 4 hairpins, wheels spinning on the greasy road, out of the saddle, bike sweeping from side to side, gasping for breath at my anaerobic threshold.
Up, down, more lanes, still muddy, still wet, I have lost track of where I am or even why I am here. Everything looks the same in the grey light, flat, colourless. The final swooping downhill into Tresillian and back into the real world. Traffic, people walking, I realise that I have seen little of either, been in my own damp, grey world, just the noise of the tyres and the scattered thoughts, the contemplative maundering of the solitary cyclist.
Ten minutes later I am descending the steep, green track down to our house. Madame Crow has been listening to the impeachment trial in the USA and the sonorous tones of the Republican defence lawyers fill the house. It is a jagged transformation from the last two hours spent alone in the mist and drizzle. Cycling is an escape, time out, time to think. Time passes, time changes me but I can't slow down time.