wife is struggling, how to breech the ability gab?

[Skibird]

Not 100% sure to be honest, I never learnt to drive where she had lessons and such, so on the road she has 100x the confidence and skill than me, i much prefer cycle paths and quiet roads.

I think she feels being out on her own would be boring, she uses her bike to go to work, its a quick 10 min ride from home, but apart from that the only time she will use her bike is with me.

Well that is a positive anyway. Is everything set up correctly for her on the bike, for comfort etc (just looking for any reason she may not feel comfortable)? I go out 99% of the time on my own (just done 21miles whilst hubby was cleaning his van lol) and it is pretty boring but like you, we moved her to the Isle Of Wight and there are not that many people we know that can/will ride so I just have to get on with it unfortunately. This is not serious but could you try gentle bribery lile a new dress, see her favourite show etc, when she completes her first 50 miles and so on (cumulative not in one go).

 

[wajc]

There is a big difference in cycling ability between myself and my wife in terms of both speed and distance capability and because of this we rarely go out cycling together.

However we've been a couple of places this year Monsal Trail (ridden 22 miles) and Rutland water (ridden 29 miles) to go cycling together and to do this we have hired an e-bike for the wife and I've used one of my own or hired a standard bike.

It was quite a revelation for her as it made the whole cycling experience much more enjoyable. She was able to complete each ride without feeling shattered at the end and also quicker than she would do normally (although this wasn't the aim). In fact she was happy after completing the full Rutland circuit including the peninsula to agree to add a 10km loop on at the end around the country lanes.

Both bikes had 4 settings for the assist and most of the time she had them on the 2nd lowest setting. There was plenty of battery life left so I reckon they would have been good for a fair few more miles as well.

I'd recommend you try something similar and see how you both get on. If she really likes it and you want to tour together it shouldn't be that difficult to plan some touring based on the potential range of the e-bike you have and the ability to charge it at the end of the day (assuming you aren't going bike packing, off-grid somewhere) .

 

[Supersuperleeds]

There is a big difference in cycling ability between myself and my wife in terms of both speed and distance capability and because of this we rarely go out cycling together.

However we've been a couple of places this year Monsal Trail (ridden 22 miles) and Rutland water (ridden 29 miles) to go cycling together and to do this we have hired an e-bike for the wife and I've used one of my own or hired a standard bike.

It was quite a revelation for her as it made the whole cycling experience much more enjoyable. She was able to complete each ride without feeling shattered at the end and also quicker than she would do normally (although this wasn't the aim). In fact she was happy after completing the full Rutland circuit including the peninsula to agree to add a 10km loop on at the end around the country lanes.

Both bikes had 4 settings for the assist and most of the time she had them on the 2nd lowest setting. There was plenty of battery life left so I reckon they would have been good for a fair few more miles as well.

I'd recommend you try something similar and see how you both get on. If she really likes it and you want to tour together it shouldn't be that difficult to plan some touring based on the potential range of the e-bike you have and the ability to charge it at the end of the day (assuming you aren't going bike packing, off-grid somewhere) .

I hope you took a slight detour to pick up the square that is off the main road

 

[mjr]

I know it's a long shot, but do you have any couple friends who might be interested in going out with you both on bikes so you can ride with the husband ahead and she can ride/chat etc with the wife?

The faster rider(s) should rarely ride ahead IMO. When you single out for whatever reason (oncoming cyclists on a narrow road, whatever), it should be the faster rider who grabs a handful of brake and drops in behind. They have more energy to spare and they can catch up again. If they accelerate in front, the slower rider will struggle to catch them or may get the depressing sight of them stalling or stopping to wait for them.

Check a Breeze group's history before turning up IMO. Some are all lycra, helmets and road bikes. Some include men. Others aren't/don't. I think there are usually better RideSocial options but YMMV.

 

[Ming the Merciless]

Plan the rides around her not you. So if there are easier / shorter rides to be done. Then do them. Do not cycle ahead if her, cycle by her side or behind admiring the view.

 

[HarryTheDog]

I have been in this position before with my soon to be ex wife and now with my girlfriend. The wife worked part time and found a group of mainly pensioners to cycle with mid week who were more at her level. She was completely un-competitive and liked cycling more for the social aspect and only wanted "comfortable excercise"though she was a really strong rider. My Girlfriend chose spin classes and she now finds she loves the tough exercise and "competes" with the other spinners, I do point out to her she is a 4ft 10 grandmother and should not expect to keep up with the young ladies, but she is determined to match them. It has brought her on leaps and bounds and when we were out the other week she tried to give me a run for my money. We were looking at CX bikes this week as she wants to race with me next year.
Different strokes for different folks, she is going to have to find what motivates her to ride. I am a big believer in if you don't like it, don't do it.

 

[JtB]

Since I’ve started cycling with my wife my average speeds and distances have reduced, but my enjoyment has increased. My wife has indicated on a number of occasions that she feels she’s holding me back, but given the choice of a physically challenging ride or a ride with my wife I’d choose the latter every time.

 

[mjr]

[...], but given the choice of a physically challenging ride or a ride with my wife I’d choose the latter every time.

I'm sorry but fnarr!

 

[User76022]

They was lots of "sorry can I stop a min" and she was feeling really bad, i explained it was fine and she would improve like I am, but I think its put her off quite a bit. She feels without the time to invest she will never improve enough.

Why don't you be the one that asks to stop?

My missus and I hardly ride out together. Family commitments and differing ability make it a bit difficult. But last summer, for the first summer in years, circumstances meant we could ride together more. I'm vastly fitter than she is. So this is how I handled it. I stopped every few minutes to take photos of things. A wildflower I particularly liked, the view, an interest building. Whatever.

She wasn't holding me back at all. In fact it was me that was holding us back by stopping every few minutes for the slightest reason.

Now the dark nights are here she doesn't get out much on the bike again now. She does on Sundays though. We ride with the kids so we naturally go slow and easy.

My personal rule. Ride at the pace of the slowest rider in the group. Seems to work.

 

[Dave 123]

I’m going to suggest a Breeze ride too.

Tandem. Where do you live? Firms like Rutland Cycles will hire you one for a day to see how you both like it. I can assure you that it’s great fun!

 

[JtB]

I'm sorry but fnarr!

Opps, I’d better start reading what I write before posting

 

[Vantage]

@mjr 's suggestion of a ride social group is a good idea. I joined a group local to me earlier this year following a stroke and the social aspect along with the non - raceasfastaspossible pace suits me perfectly.
I found this in the ops location and might be worth a look.

 

[chrismisterx]

So a little update,

went for a little ride with my other half yesterday, was a 14 mile trip split in two with a 3-4 hour break in the middle.

We followed the North shields to Newcastle cycle route and stopped at the bike HUB for coffee before heading into town and locking our bikes up at the uni ( seemed a safer place to leave them ) before heading into town for shopping and lunch.

Going was great, took on board all the great advice, I stopped at the one nasty hill before my wife go there and jumped off and asked her if we could just walk up, instead of waiting for her to do that and that was the only time we both stopped and walked. Avg a really nice 7 - 8 miles an hour speed going and thought great cracked it!

Coming back not so good, i think we overate a little as the ride home was a little uncomfortable, plus it had got dark and a little windy, she did the "you just go ahead and I will catch up thing again", so I again jumped off the bike first and said "lets just walk awhile, we are in no hurry"

we still made good time imo and I feel she is being too hard on herself but two interesting things happened the first on the bike ride was I notice her changing gears there was a clanking noise and it looked when i was side onto her that the gears where slipping and she would put the gear back into a higher one, i get the feeling she isnt 100% happy with the bike too. The second thing happened at home, she was on the computer looking for new bikes! which is a great sign, so I dont feel she is ready to give up on cycling yet.

I am going to get an exercise bike for the house, something that we can jump on and do the odd 30 mins when the weather is poor or if its late at night, due to her shifts, but i am going to get us new bikes for xmas with our trip in may to Scotland in mind. She did say if we can get fit she would love to travel more around the UK by cycle and would love to try something like the whole coast at one point in the future!

thanks again for the advice, I did ask if she was interested in joining a group but she isnt keen on that, we have also looked at a tandem at the hub in Newcastle, but again she isnt keen on that and I feel she would rather have 2 bikes, I do think we should hire one and give it ago though!

I like the idea mentioned above about me carry weight and think that would even things out and give me great training on our touring, I hope I can get fit enough to carry the supplies and she can just worry about the riding part.

The more I look into Cycles the more choices and confusing it gets, too much choice maybe lol.

 

[Bodhbh]

If it's for a tour, I would've thought the answer would be simple - you carry all the stuff for both of you. Use a trailer if required, but 75l panniers are available too (plus 40l rack top bags, etc). A loaded trailer on the back of my bike turns the 40min commute into something more like an hour.

 

[alicat]

Well done for anticipating her needs.

Now just sort her gears out, there is nothing more energy-sapping than gears not behaving predictably in my experience. It puts me on edge for the whole ride.