wife is struggling, how to breech the ability gab?

[chrismisterx]

I remember the day I changed from a 'normal' cheap MTB to a better quality bike with better bearings on the wheels and cranks, brakes that didn't rub the rims all the time: It was a revelation not to have to pedal going downhill. This repeated later when I changed from knubbly MTB tyres to nice smooth road tyres: I thought I was flying.

There's a lot of variables in there, even without personal fitness. Maybe try and find people local to you who know their stuff and/or swap bikes for a few hundred metres and see if the experience is different.

She did have a little go on my bike and hated it, said she doesn't know how I can ride it at all

When is this planned tour of yours?

If it's next summer, then she's plenty of time. I reckon you could probably get ready for touring with a decent couple of months of regular riding beforehand, so anything you do during the winter is a bonus, and then start training in earnest next spring. Maybe getting her a better bike might be an incentive. How about letting her ride alone for a while, so that she isn't so conscious of the current performance gap? Or, as someone else said, get her involved with a small group ride which doesn't involve you.

Starting up is the hardest part (little and often is the key). You've got over that hurdle, and she hasn't quite yet. Maybe leave it until she is comfortable riding 30 miles at her own pace, without you, before you ride together again.

Yes next summer, was the main reason to get a bike in the first place, sort of our end goal. Once we manage that trip I feel we could manage anything!

You could slow down and make sure she enjoys the rides and go faster when you're on your own.

It's always simpler for the faster rider to slow down.

I agree 100% and dont mind the slower pace, to be fair I am a complete novice anyway and not exactly fast, my speed is only between 8-10 mph on avg.

She wont go out on her own and is using the doesn't want to slow me down when I ask her to join me, she wants to be better before going out but wont get better if not going out, chicken and egg problem.

Reason I asked for other options, like indoor training or a tandem? Maybe an e-bike is the answer? Only thing i know is will be really gutted if she decides its not for her as was really looking forward to it being something we can do together.

 

[Skibird]

I know it's a long shot, but do you have any couple friends who might be interested in going out with you both on bikes so you can ride with the husband ahead and she can ride/chat etc with the wife?

 

[chrismisterx]

I know it's a long shot, but do you have any couple friends who might be interested in going out with you both on bikes so you can ride with the husband ahead and she can ride/chat etc with the wife?

Not at all, most of our friends moved away over the years ( we moved to scotland and back and lost touch with a lot of friends then ) nowadays its a few people from work and its the odd pub trip, no one else we know is keen on cycling.

Like ii said above I am concerned it might become a reason to give up altogether. which would be a real shame, its a ton more fun out with her than out on my own!

 

[Andy in Germany]

Only thing i know is will be really gutted if she decides its not for her as was really looking forward to it being something we can do together.

Seems the right attitude to take, just make sure it's clear: that the important thing is that you do something together, and as long as you aren't going so slowly you'll fall off, you con't care how fast it is...

 

[Heltor Chasca]

Be warned: You need to be broad shouldered or happy enough to empower women with an honest acceptance that being male you might not always be fastest or strongest out of the two of you. She may steal your thunder one day.

I ride with LOTS of women who are MUCH better than I’ll ever be. It’s hilarious and sad when they pass a bloke who immediately puffs his chest up and overtakes her shortly afterwards just because she is a woman. Then he blows up and she has to pass him again because he is too slow. A tedious game of leapfrog ensues until she tells him to Foxtrot Oscar and he fakes a mechanical and pulls over to hide his embarrassment.

 

[Skibird]

You mentioned she won't go out on her own, is there a reason for this (confidence etc)?

 

[tom73]

Finding a a social group to ride with will help have a look at Breeze group in your area. Like has been said just go out for a quick spin to the pub or shop, round the block. Build up slow and spend what time she has just getting out. You have plenty of time to work up to a goal. How long it takes don't really matter.

I'm much fitter then Mrs 73 and have had the same issues when you go off walking and can fully understand what you both are feeling.
Off out on the bikes together I'm often out in front and hold back at times so we can ride together as much as we can. Fitness will come and she will be soon away. Any thing off the bike will help even if it's just a nice walk a few days a week.

Have a look round your area for a nice steady route that's not too bad like short route along cycle path. See what's around near by have a day out maybe off on the train and a bit of a nice steady ride with stop's along the way then train back home. That's what we have done and mrs 73 don't left out. Plus if it's a new place you will want to stop and look about anyway.

 

[chrismisterx]

You mentioned she won't go out on her own, is there a reason for this (confidence etc)?

Not 100% sure to be honest, I never learnt to drive where she had lessons and such, so on the road she has 100x the confidence and skill than me, i much prefer cycle paths and quiet roads.

I think she feels being out on her own would be boring, she uses her bike to go to work, its a quick 10 min ride from home, but apart from that the only time she will use her bike is with me.

 

[tom73]

Sounds like a group ride be just the thing. If she rides on her own most days then it understandable she feels like a change.

 

[Cycleops]

Electric bike? Never thought about that, would an Electric bike be good for touring?

Absolutely fine, as long as you can charge at days end. With her on an Ebike it will even things up. You could even convert her existing bike for £3/500.
The Moray trip is also a possibility so equipped but will take a few days for 300miles or you could elect to go part way and train back so several options you could consider.
Good luck.

 

[Andy in Germany]

Be warned: You need to be broad shouldered or happy enough to empower women with an honest acceptance that being male you might not always be fastest or strongest out of the two of you. She may steal your thunder one day.

I ride with LOTS of women who are MUCH better than I’ll ever be. It’s hilarious and sad when they pass a bloke who immediately puffs his chest up and overtakes her shortly afterwards just because she is a woman. Then he blows up and she has to pass him again because he is too slow. A tedious game of leapfrog ensues until she tells him to Foxtrot Oscar and he fakes a mechanical and pulls over to hide his embarrassment.

I got accused of this a few weeks back when riding with Beautiful Daughter on the back of the Xtracycle. A couple passed me on Ebikes just before a summit, which precedes a flat bit before crossing a major road. Once on the flat I sped up and caught up as they stopped on the main road. I generally do a rolling stop if possible at this point because it's a slight rise to the road, thus easier to keep rolling, so I passed them and got a mouthful as they then accelerated over the camber about "Having to prove something..."

Bless...

 

[Supersuperleeds]

Our lass rides at half the pace I do. We regularly ride on a Sunday morning and I go out on the hybrid, leave the bike in the little ring and stay behind her, that way she is in control of the pace and where we go.

 

[Ming the Merciless]

Be warned: You need to be broad shouldered or happy enough to empower women with an honest acceptance that being male you might not always be fastest or strongest out of the two of you. She may steal your thunder one day.

I ride with LOTS of women who are MUCH better than I’ll ever be. It’s hilarious and sad when they pass a bloke who immediately puffs his chest up and overtakes her shortly afterwards just because she is a woman. Then he blows up and she has to pass him again because he is too slow. A tedious game of leapfrog ensues until she tells him to Foxtrot Oscar and he fakes a mechanical and pulls over to hide his embarrassment.

Does this really happen? Is it a young male thing? I just plod along at my own pace.

 

[Heltor Chasca]

Does this really happen? Is it a young male thing? I just plod along at my own pace.

Yes. No.

It really happens. I also heard it discussed on a cycling podcast presented by Raya Hubbell (the awesome triathlete)

The instance I am specifically referring to was by a guy in his late 50s or early sixties.

To add balance: On one of my first Audax rides a couple of years ago, a lady was ribbing me at the start for entering the event on my touring bike. (My only alternative back then)

‘Oh you have really set out to make things difficult for yourself haven’t you? Ha ha ha.’

She was the same lady vomiting at the side of the road after 80km. God how sorry for her I felt.

 

[Bonefish Blues]

A tandem is great for mixed ability couples.

It sounds like you have more free time than she does. Could you do a bigger share of the jobs around the house so she has more time to go out for rides if she wants to?

This, all day long. Harmony restored (except on those occasions where the bike becomes unaccountably heavy when the Stoker's attention (application?) wanders)