Laurence - we've been on these forums for a long time together now... I've also been in the mental place you are too. Trust me, it won't always be like that, but as Waffly says, you have to take it very seriously indeed. No one is useless least of all someone with your sensitivity to the natural world, photographic ability, knowledge of obscure British music and much more. It strikes me that the world could do with a more people like you and fewer 'useful' people.