Viz Top Tips

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whitebait

Active Member
Location
Colliers Wood
Fixie riders,

buy a bike with brakes and gears to help you stop and start at traffic lights. :biggrin:

Not bike related, but my personal favourite top tip:

Employers,

Avoid hiring unlucky people by throwing half the CVs in the bin.
 

Melonfish

Evil Genius in training.
Location
Warrington, UK
Child choking on an ice cube? not a problem simply pour boiling water down their throat and hey presto! the ice will melt. :biggrin:
viz has a lot to answer for...
 

Bicycle

Guest
Fixie riders,

buy a bike with brakes and gears to help you stop and start at traffic lights. :biggrin:


Cyclists,

Buy a car. You'll get there quicker and won't be tired when you arrive....

Also, you can enjoy low-speed impact without getting hurt.

:biggrin:

Sorry... I had to.

I spend some of my time riding a fixie and felt slighted on behalf of the whole fixie community. My fixie is dead good. The only thing it's rubbish at is free-wheeling. Well it's OK at it... but I have to keep moving my legs quite fast....
 

Bicycle

Guest
From Viz about 20 years ago:

Never lose anything again! Just get a long loop of string and loop it through a small hole in everything you own.

If you ever mislay anything, just start anywhere along the string and work round until you find it.
 

Melonfish

Evil Genius in training.
Location
Warrington, UK
LMAO!!!

SINGLE MEN: Convince people you have a girlfriend by standing outside Topshop with bags of shopping, looking at your watch and occasionally glancing inside.

 

Sh4rkyBloke

Jaffa Cake monster
Location
Manchester, UK
Don't waste money on expensive binoculars, simply stand closer to the object you are trying to view.
 

Melonfish

Evil Genius in training.
Location
Warrington, UK
another cycle related one:

CYCLISTS: Avoid getting a sore behind by simply placing a naan bread over your saddle. This will comfort your ride and when you return home, hey presto! A warm snack.
 

abo

Well-Known Member
Location
Stockton on Tees
Earn big money by displaying a “How's My Driving?” sign on your car, along with an 0906 number ( £1.50 per minute) which you can aquire through BT. Then simply drive around town like a complete peanut.
 

slowmotion

Quite dreadful
Location
lost somewhere
Pass yourself off as Welsh by putting coal dust behind your fingernails and talking gibberish all the time, stopping occasionally to sing loudly, or set fire to someone else's house.
 
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