Viz Top Tips

[Dayvo]

WORRIED that your teeth will be stained after a heavy night drinking red I wine? Drink a bottle of white wine before going to bed, to remove the stains.

 

[stowie]

Save money on door bell batteries by going to the front door every two mins to see if there is anyone there.

 

[Origamist]

Avoid parking tickets by leaving your windscreen wipers turned to "fast wipe" whenever you leave your car parked illegally.

 

[davefb]

(after a court case that viz won)

"McDonalds marketing executives. Pass someone else's idea off as your own by claiming you overheard it in the pub, you c***s."

 

[TwickenhamCyclist]

F1 fans - recreate the excitement of your favourite sport by threading coloured beads onto a string, pulling it taut and lowering one end. For added authenticity, single beads can be used for practice, qualifying etc.

 

[palinurus]

Drivers: If a car breaks down or stalls in front of you, beep your horn and wave your arms frantically. This should help the car start and send them on their way.

 

[palinurus]

Fellas: Avoid arguments with the missus about lifting the loo seat by simply pissing in the sink

 

[Rhythm Thief]

Cyclists. Pretend you've won the Tour de France by wearing a yellow jumper, taking lots of drugs and holding your arms aloft as you enter the office car park.

 

[leroy]

SUPERMARKETS. Sell your undersized vegetables for twice the price by not cleaning the shoot off them and calling them 'organic

 

[Adasta]

DRIVERS: Avoid getting prosecuted for using your phone while driving. Simply pop your mobile inside a large shell and the police will think you are listening to the sea.

 

[CharlieB]

If your name is Toblerone, use an empty Toblerone carton as a nameplate for your desk.



…I think this thread's now entered Café territory…

 

[SportMonkey]

Surely that would be:

Chocolate lovers: change your name to Toblerone and use an empty pack as a nameplate. (Let's face it, it won't be a full one)

 

[leroy]

Mouse Motorcycle Stunt Team Owner: A Toblerone bar makes a very handy motorbike storage area whilst your Mice are resting

 

[jonny jeez]

Earn big money by displaying a “How's My Driving?” sign on your car, along with an 0906 number ( £1.50 per minute) which you can aquire through BT. Then simply drive around town like a complete peanut.

heheheh...

 

[Cyclopathic]

Motorists, save money on expensive vanity plates by simply changing your name to match the plate that is already on the car.