Useless Advice Required

[Pottsy]

Don't run with scissors.

 

[bonj2]

When I was on a diet (successfully losing 3 stone in 3 mths) a woman at work looked at my sandwich (chicken, salad no butter, made to order) and said (every day) "you'll never lose weight eating sandwiches - they're fattening"

some are. A tescos deep fill ham and cheddar with mayonnaise for example contains 43% of your recommended daily amount of fat / 550 calories. It'sall in the butter and mayonnaise though I bet.
Calories are a bit of a misnomer though, really, aswell - you really need to look at saturated fat content - keep it low all the time, and carbs content - keep it low unless you're going to burn it off with exercise within the next few hours, when it's acceptable.

 

[Amanda P]

Take my advice.

I'm not using it.

(Didn't this used to be somebody's sig line on C+?)

 

[John Ponting]

Never whistle with a mouth full of jelly.

 

[TheDoctor]

You don't need mudguards.
Fixies are dangerous and pointless
Tea? is a pointless thread.

 

[papercorn2000]

Don't eat yellow snow
Don't argue with women

 

[ColinJ]

When I was small, my dad actually used to sing this to me, and you know what - I think the daft bugger jinxed me - it's all come true! Apart from the happy bit that is... !

 

[alecstilleyedye]

You don't need mudguards.
Fixies are dangerous and pointless
Tea? is a pointless thread.

and ipods and macintosh computers are just a load of old tosh that somehow get the most gullible people in the world to fall for the world's best marketing campaign.

and there's no such thing as a zonkey.

 

[goo_mason]

As a kid, having just broken my arm during a rugby warm-up:

Club medical expert: "Here, drink this pint of water."
Me (in shock): "OK".

Get to hospital.

Doctor: "Have you eaten or drunk anything in the last 4 hours ? We can't anaesthetise you now if you have...."

I had to wait four sodding hours before they'd put me under and reset my arm. I was climbing the walls in agony by the end, sweat pouring off me, as they refused to give me any pain relief. The pain of a broken arm 4 hours later is immense, especially after the radiographer has twisted your arm round sharply to get it in the right place to x-ray, thus rubbing the jagged edges of the break together..."

I'm breaking out in a sweat remembering it now, and that was almost 29 years ago !

 

[Andy Pandy]

Your saddle is at the right height when you can put both feet on the ground

 

[john2702]

wear women's tights to keep your legs warm

 

[PrettyboyTim]

An owl in a sack bothers no man.

 

[Twenty Inch]

Breathe all the way out as you get to the top of the hill, it'll get all the carbon dioxide out of your lungs.

 

[louise]

From my teacher,

Give up trying to get anywhere because your thick and stupid and basically a hopeless case.

Fast forward a few years and I have a degree, a good job and have just started a Graduate Diploma

 

[Angelfishsolo]

In 1895 Albert Einstein’s teacher said to his father: “It doesn’t matter what he does, he will never amount to anything.” Well I guess amount is relative lol.

Good for you on proving that stupid teacher wrong!!!

From my teacher,

Give up trying to get anywhere because your thick and stupid and basically a hopeless case.

Fast forward a few years and I have a degree, a good job and have just started a Graduate Diploma