True Facts About Chris Rea

[Drago]

Chris Rea is the UN special envoy for beared women.

 

[DRM]

Chris Rea's 1986 fund raising, sponsored parachute jump event "Feed the Bairns" nearly ended in tragedy when a freak gust of wind blew him into the Transporter Bridge, snagging on the basket, he was transported 23 times from Middlesbrough to Port Clarence, in order to clear the traffic congestion, eventually the parachute freed it's self and he had to catch the No18 bus back to the City centre, and a hero's welcome

 

[Gwylan]

Chris Rea's 1986 fund raising, sponsored parachute jump event "Feed the Bairns" nearly ended in tragedy when a freak gust of wind blew him into the Transporter Bridge, snagging on the basket, he was transported 23 times from Middlesbrough to Port Clarence, in order to clear the traffic congestion, eventually the parachute freed it's self and he had to catch the No18 bus back to the City centre, and a hero's welcome

That's silly. You know he got an Uber

 

[Gwylan]

I once shared a charter plane with Chris Rea

We flew from Frankfurt to Leeds Bradford International airport. Not to be confused with the Henry Kissinger airport at Otley. We were the only passengers.
He let me join his flight.
We had to have a whip round for the fuel before we could leave the fuelling station.
Then faffing about with the airline to get the fuel knocked off the charter price.

The accountants queried my expense report for the 50% of the charter. But not the receipt for the fuel.
We could only have one invoice and a photocopy.
So, I claimed my 50% and wrote the explanation on my copy of the invoice. Went on for weeks. Numpties.
The "airline" went bust shortly afterwards.

Some of this is true.

Including accountants being numpties

 

[DRM]

That's silly. You know he got an Uber

No Ubers in 1986, however Chris Rea was mulling over the problem of public transport, and invented the UBER concept in 1993, trialling it in the USA first, as he said, Them Yanks have got more money then sense, they love the UBER cars & varying prices

 

[Gwylan]

No Ubers in 1986, however Chris Rea was mulling over the problem of public transport, and invented the UBER concept in 1993, trialling it in the USA first, as he said, Them Yanks have got more money then sense, they love the UBER cars & varying prices

Chris Rea is a secret time lord. Darth Vader does a cracking impression of him at their annual awards dinner. People have died when he does Stainsby Girls

 

[Drago]

The Chris Rea-chute is a type of parachute that, when in use, resembles a disembodied goatee beard floating gracefully down from the heavens.

 

[Dogtrousers]

When Chris Rea was a young struggling musician he worked in his father's ice cream business. This excessive exposure to ice cream at a stressful formative period in his life left him mentally scarred, unable to bear the sight of an ice cream sundae which resulted in him running out of the 1981 Grammy awards screaming in terror.

 

[Gwylan]

When Chris Rea was a young struggling musician he worked in his father's ice cream business. This excessive exposure to ice cream at a stressful formative period in his life left him mentally scarred, unable to bear the sight of an ice cream sundae which resulted in him running out of the 1981 Grammy awards screaming in terror.

But he's fine with Mondays

 

[Dogtrousers]

But he's fine with Mondays

When Bob Geldof was starting out as a musician he met Chris Rea in a rehearsal room. Rea was noodling around and Geldof asked him what the tune was. Rea replied that it was a silly song about ice cream called "I don't like Sundaes". As Rea never released or published the tune he had no copyright claim against Geldof when he released "I don't like Mondays" and failed to credit Rea. This led to a bitter three way feud between Geldof, Chris Rea and Bob Holness (who played oboe on the Boomtown Rats studio recordings)

 

[DRM]

Chris Rea was disqualified from I'm A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here, after being coached by Ray Mears & Bear Grylls in survival techniques, then honing them on excercise with 22 Regiment SAS, his appearance caused outrage when he captured, killed and butchered a Kangeroo on live TV, and stating, tell Ant & Dec to stick their Beans & Rice where the sun don't shine, we've got more than enough to eat in camp now, however the final straw came when he was in the last 3 contestents & built a trap for Ant & Dec, by digging a pit & lining it with sharpened bamboo poles, and was forced to leave camp in disgrace.

 

[Gwylan]

Chris Rea was disqualified from I'm A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here, after being coached by Ray Mears & Bear Grylls in survival techniques, then honing them on excercise with 22 Regiment SAS, his appearance caused outrage when he captured, killed and butchered a Kangeroo on live TV, and stating, tell Ant & Dec to stick their Beans & Rice where the sun don't shine, we've got more than enough to eat in camp now, however the final straw came when he was in the last 3 contestents & built a trap for Ant & Dec, by digging a pit & lining it with sharpened bamboo poles, and was forced to leave camp in disgrace.

Bad news was it was all done on a set in Hertfordshire. The RSPCA are still after Rea for the mysterious disappearance of a kangaroo from a petting zoo in Berkhampstead

 

[Drago]

Chris Rea writes violent crime and espionage thrillers under the pen name Andy McNab.

 

[Gwylan]

Chris Rea writes violent crime and espionage thrillers under the pen name Andy McNab.

I thought he was a body double for Phoebe Waller-Bridge.

He did have a role Inthe Night Manager though.

 

[DRM]

Rumours on Social Media suggest that Chris Rea will be the next James Bond, fulfilling a lifetime dream to play 007