True Facts About Chris Rea

[Moon bunny]

At this very moment, Chris Rea is in Grange-over -Sands public library, slipping P.G.Wodehouse novels into a hidden pocket in his trousers.

 

[Drago]

The reason libraries insist upon silence is because all librarians in the land, every single one, are hifi buffs and are listening to Chris Rea in the back office.

 

[Dogtrousers]

Chris Rea holds the world record for wearing multiple onesies simultaneously. He managed to don 173 Onseises at once. He was pretty much spherical at this point.

That was when Richard Madely chose his moment and weed all over Chris' onesies and ran away. Chris was furious, but was pretty much immobilised and unable to do anything about it.

 

[Drago]

Chris Rea's beard has been cast as the alien in the forthcoming Guy Ritchie remake of The Blob.

 

[lazybloke]

Chris Rea holds the world record for wearing multiple onesies simultaneously. He managed to don 173 Onseises at once. He was pretty much spherical at this point..

Experts at Cambridge Uni were horrified when they calculated that just 7 more onesies would have caused a gravitational collapse.

Although they speculate that the forces might be equally balanced by an interaction between beard hair and auberge radiation. In fact, this might be the source of Dark Energy, meaning that Chris Rea is truly at the centre of the universe; the centre of everything.

My gran always said CR was special. She had no idea.

 

[grldtnr]

Can't be bovvered looking at 213 pages of Rea this Rea that.So i will say this post is dire Rea.

That's quite all right Postie, as very little of it is true, but we know that, even Chris Rea must be having a chuckle at our fibs.....

 

[Dogtrousers]

That's quite all right Postie, as very little of it and every last word of it is true, but we know that, even Chris Rea must be having a chuckle at our fibs..... true facts

Minor correction. Hope you don't mind

 

[grldtnr]

Chris Rea's beard has been cast as the alien in the forthcoming Guy Ritchie remake of The Blob.

Perhaps his world breaking onsies record sort of swung it wearing 173 onsies all at once , he probably resembled a 'blob'.
Just imagine having to get out of them in a hurry to use the Lav ?

 

[grldtnr]

Minor correction. Hope you don't mind

Itsxall right, as I am rapidly losing a grip on reality.....President Trump is the best American president ever......NOT.

 

[Dogtrousers]

Chris Rea has just found his old maths exercise book from when he was at school. He always suspected that he was a genius and he has just realised - it is possible to divide by zero. He just has a few finishing touches to add to the proof, because there was a big ink blot in his exercise book obscuring some subtle workings.

 

[Drago]

Another example of Chris Rea's genius - he can recite Pi to three decimal places.

 

[Ming the Merciless]

Chris Rea once attempted to record an entire album using only the sounds of a Theremin and a rusty bicycle pump. It was reportedly shelved after he accidentally inflated a passing pigeon.

 

[Hover Fly]

Chris Rea knows exactly how hard an Emperor penguin can slap, if someone tries to steal her egg.

 

[Dogtrousers]

Chris Rea always waves to cyclists.

Cheerily.

 

[Dogtrousers]

Chris Rea was arrested in the famous Roubaix showers after Paris-Roubaix for waving at cyclists. Exactly what he was waving is unclear.