Three bits of tarmac walk into a pub...

[Archie_tect]

Y not....

 

[brockers]

Threads like this are why ba-dum tish and IGMC smilies are necessary. And tumbleweeds while we're at it.

 

[Mad Doug Biker]

A tumbleweed went into a bar, and everyone sat there in silence, watching it drinking until it left a rather wobblyweed.

 

[Cardiac]

E-flat walks into a bar, The bartender says, sorry, we don't serve minors......

A termite walks into a bar and says is the bartender here?

A guy walks into a bar with a pair of jumper cables around his neck. The bartender looks at him and says gruffly, " All right, pal, I'll let you stay but don't start anything."




Bored now...

 

[Red Light]

A musician walks into a bar in Vienna and notices a piano stool in the corner with a big steaming pile on it.

"What's that over there on the piano stool" he asks the barman. "I'm surprised you didn't recognise it" replies the barman, "It's Beethoven's last movement"

 

[Mad Doug Biker]

A group of Antarctic Explorers walked into a bar and one of them immediately said

'Great God, this is an awful place!'

but they sat down and drank anyway. Later on, one of them needed to go out for a smoke, and said to the others

'I am just going outside and may be a long time'.

 

[661-Pete]

Threads like this are why ba-dum tish and IGMC smilies are necessary. And tumbleweeds while we're at it.

 

[661-Pete]

Esther Rantzen and Janet Street-Porter walk into a bar.
"Could we each have a large aperitif?" they ask.
"I very much doubt it," says the barman.

 

[TVC]

Helvetica Bold walks into a bar.

"Sorry" says the barman, "we don't serve your type in here"

 

[TVC]

A man, an ostrich, and a cat who never buys a round walk in to a bar.

"Aren't you three in the wrong joke?" asks the barman.

 

[vernon]

An Englishman,
Irishman,
Frenchman,
Italian,
Spaniard,
German,
Pole,
Swede,
Greek,
Latvian,
Turk,
Jamaican,
Indian,
Zimbabwian,
Senegalese,
Australian,
Kiwi,
Tasmanian,
Papua New Guinean,
Hawaiian,
American and Canadian went to go into a bar.

The doorman wouldn't let them in without a Thai.

 

[Headgardener]

A cyclist walks into a bar. The bartender says "We don't serve cyclists in this bar" The cyclist says:
But I came on a long Trek to get here.



A pony walks into a bar and whispers to the bartender, “Can I have a beer?” The bartender replies, “Sure, but why are you whispering?” The pony answers, “I’m sorry. I’m just a little hoarse.”


A skeleton walks into a bar and asks for a beer and a mop.

I know where that pub is. It's on the edge of the New Forest and is well known round here for asking cyclists to leave as they were to smelly (when I can find the link I will post it here).

 

[brockers]

That's the one! (There is a tumbleweed one out there too). How about it Admin?

 

[just jim]

What did the road surfacing worker say when he got handed his wages?
"Tar mac!"

 

[Brains]

I know where that pub is. It's on the edge of the New Forest and is well known round here for asking cyclists to leave as they were to smelly (when I can find the link I will post it here).

The Lamb Inn, Normansland, New Forest. A couple of us has stopped for lunch there the day before the event below, we had cycled a lot further and were wild camping, so we probably really were slightly 'fragrant'. I've always wondered if this then tipped of the incident below the following day.
http://www.dailyecho.co.uk/news/district/newforest/8421307.Cyclists__too_smelly__for_pub/