Things you'd like to say, but can't

[srw]

To the drivers on the southbound M5 last Friday morning, the ones that caused a miles-long tailback and added at least 15 minutes to my journey.

Yes, someone had an accident on the other carriageway. That does not mean you need to slow down to walking pace to get a good look. What were you going to do, stop to help? No, you just want to revel in someone else's misfortune, and by doing so create a situation on your side of the motorway that may well lead to another accident.

From the dull-but-true department: it's not "slowing down to walking pace to get a good look", it's an inevitable consequence of a busy motorway. When you hear a crash your first, instinctive reaction is to slow down a little bit. Once the first people have slowed down a little bit, everyone immediately behind them slows down a little bit more - until traffic is slowed right down to walking pace. That ripple in the traffic persists until the traffic is light enough that people coming to the back of it don't have to slow down at all - which is likely to be several hours later in the case of a busy motorway like the M5.

So, I'm afraid you shouldn't blame the drivers in front of you - you should blame everyone, including yourself, who chose to make the M5 busy. That, and the laws of physics and the training that all of receive to be prudent when driving.

 

[Nigel-YZ1]

It's not so bad having the barrage of ailments and hospital visit stories, after all I'm here twice a week and do everything for you.
What hurts is that my brother does sod all for you and you hand him £300 on a whim.

 

[Maverick Goose]

Who taught you to park? Stevie Wonder?

 

[Flying_Monkey]

You claim you didn't mean to send that message, but let's face it, you did and you meant every word. Just because you regretted it afterwards, it doesn't mean you can just call this an accident. However, I don't have to worry about it or spare any thought for you at all from this point. I'm comfortable enough with myself. But you're going to get so much shoot from the the person you really disparaged. I'll bet they and their partner are not going to let this go easily... so, good luck with that!

 

[Lullabelle]

Lilac high heel shoes, tight pink jeans, tight white t shirt and large sunglasses. Interesting combo except for

1. You can barely walk in those shoes and look silly tottering in them

2. The muffin top hanging over the top of your jeans which you clearly cannot see, we all can

3. Your ill fitting bra beneath your not as white as you think top

4. The sunglasses do not suit you at all

5. Let's face it, you are closer to 50 than you want people to believe.

 

[Lullabelle]

You think he is odd, a bit pot and kettle but we are cool

 

[TVC]

Lilac high heel shoes, tight pink jeans, tight white t shirt and large sunglasses. Interesting combo except for

1. You can barely walk in those shoes and look silly tottering in them

2. The muffin top hanging over the top of your jeans which you clearly cannot see, we all can

3. Your ill fitting bra beneath your not as white as you think top

4. The sunglasses do not suit you at all

5. Let's face it, you are closer to 50 than you want people to believe.

Sounds like my kind of woman

 

[Lullabelle]

Sounds like my kind of woman

Seriously, talk about a rottweiler chewing a wasp

 

[srw]

This phonecall, and the whole process we're discussing, are both horribly badly managed. Get a bloody grip someone.

 

[fimm]

So you send me an email saying the delay is impacting your work. I agree, I could have got back to you more quickly, but I had urgent stuff to do yesterday. This morning I sent you an email asking you to do something and tell me the result - and I have heard nothing.
Either this is urgent, or it isn't. Either way, I need your help before I can help you.

 

[Salad Dodger]

Thanks for nothing, my ukulele chums. I need your support for a gig on Sunday, but because it's my idea and not yours, none of you are apparently available. So the whole thing will die on its arse, but I will still go along anyway. Thanks for bloody nothing.

 

[bikingdad90]

Thanks for calling me a "farking self-gratification artist" after I swung out to take primary to stop you pushing me in the gutter as we came up to a traffic island.

I was keeping up with the flow of traffic and after the island was negotiated by both of us you achieved nothing. All you did was drive a cheap 2wd Audi and speed past me but then turn 50 metres down the road into a school nursery. I was so tempted to follow you and say "thanks for the compliment. By the way have you read the cycle craft book or researched advice from IAM to qualify your opinion of my safe riding?"

What I actually shouted was "whatever" and shook my head before carrying on my way.

What is also quite funny is this morning going the other way a car farked up the overtake and had to abort in the same spot as I had taken primary but going the other way.

 

[Lullabelle]

You complain when the teachers go on strike and mess about with your son's education yet you didn't send him today and he won't be going in on Monday because he is away for the weekend with his mate.

 

[srw]

You really don't have a clue about managing people, do you? If I'm sitting in the same office as you, come and talk to me, don't send me an email and copy in your boss. You'll have discovered that (a) I've already raised with you most of what you complained about, and (b) as we discussed yesterday I've got the resource to do the job you asked me to do, but not all at once and, as I've already said, not by today.

 

[classic33]

Don't blame me for you telling everyone what you'd done and then be surprised that you were found out. And don't try getting your "mates" who profited from what you did, having another go at me. It didn't work the first time, it'll not work this time. You even had a go at playing the injured victim to get support.

You knew it was wrong, I knew it was wrong. I even tried pointing out it may cost you your job, but you and your "they'll never find out" attitude is what got you caught. That and your down the nose "I'm better than you" mentality is what's going to be your downfall.

Despite everything you did, you still feel it was wrong that you were caught. Care to explain?

Oh, by the way I've a letter at home asking me to get in touch with someone, something about making a statement over what happened.