Things you'd like to say, but can't

[Speicher]

If you know it is going to be a very very hot day, why have you chosen to wear skin-tight very thick jeans?

 

[Shut Up Legs]

Stop marinading yourself in aftershave! Learn how to use it, FFS... The air is unfit to breath anywhere near you.

 

[Arjimlad]

Asking me to do five hours' work for nothing in the hope of possibly getting paid for one and a half hour's work at the end, which might not ever happen, isn't an attractive business proposal..

 

[matth411]

If you could extend your silent treatment to when you are chewing your food, that'd be great.

 

[Andy_R]

Look up... bit more... bit more.. there you go, see, my eyes are up here!

If god had meant us not to look at them when talking to you, he'd have put them round the back. But that would be even more confusing cos we wouldn't know whether to look up or down when you walk away!





(Joking of course!)

 

[Pointy boy]

Shaking your head and gesticulating at another cyclist because they accidentally got in your way on a shared pedestrian/cycle path on the busiest Sunday afternoon of the year is pretty low. When that other 'cyclist' was a small child with stabilisers on their bike, it just makes you look like a total **** Actually, your not-insubstantial beer-gut wrapped in a too-small polka dot king-of-the-mountains jersey was already making you look like a ****. Your actions just confirmed it. Happily the child was oblivious to your reaction. Seriously, you were doing 20+ when you went past me. The path was rammed with families enjoying the weather. WTF were you thinking? Kindly take your spotty jersey and sh*tty attitude and do one. You are not a TDF contender. You are just a tw*t.

And breathe......

 

[alicat]

Why did you come on a group cycling holiday comprised mainly of English people if a) you haven't ridden a bike for years b) you don't like group holidays and c) you don't like Sassanachs?

 

[Nigel-YZ1]

Many thanks for bothering to even look at my 76 year old mother in between messaging and phoning your wife to bring you in your mobile charger. She'd only not been able to swallow, not eaten properly in three weeks, and had head and throat pain.
You then told her she probably had cancer, then told her the government forces you to send her to hospital within two weeks.
The appointment was fast, 7 days later, where they confirmed the throat cancer diagnosis was utter twaddle.
Then another week before the results.
By which time she'd suddenly gone totally blind in one eye and was throwing up all over the place to the point she had to be admitted.
It's good my fiancee is an ex nurse and thought it worth pushing at the results appointment.

It's called temporal arteritis.

And while you spent the last 10 years talking to her like shoot to the point she waited 3 weeks to sit in your farking surgery as she felt so unwelcome, she was developing the symptoms. And you couldn't be arsed. In fact you gave her a giant bottle of pepto-bisomol which wiped her out and made her so bad she collapsed.

It's a good thing the hospital staff are the most brilliant and caring people on earth.

You're letting them down.

I hope you got your mobile charged.

 

[classic33]

Many thanks for bothering to even look at my 76 year old mother in between messaging and phoning your wife to bring you in your mobile charger. She'd only not been able to swallow, not eaten properly in three weeks, and had head and throat pain.
You then told her she probably had cancer, then told her the government forces you to send her to hospital within two weeks.
The appointment was fast, 7 days later, where they confirmed the throat cancer diagnosis was utter twaddle.
Then another week before the results.
By which time she'd suddenly gone totally blind in one eye and was throwing up all over the place to the point she had to be admitted.
It's good my fiancee is an ex nurse and thought it worth pushing at the results appointment.

It's called temporal arteritis.

And while you spent the last 10 years talking to her like **** to the point she waited 3 weeks to sit in your ****ing surgery as she felt so unwelcome, she was developing the symptoms. And you couldn't be arsed. In fact you gave her a giant bottle of pepto-bisomol which wiped her out and made her so bad she collapsed.

It's a good thing the hospital staff are the most brilliant and caring people on earth.

You're letting them down.

I hope you got your mobile
charged.

That one needs sending in.

 

[Ganymede]

That one needs sending in.

I agree. If only you could come to my lovely GPs who always treat my 84-year-old mum and 87-year-old dad with unfailing attention, courtesy and seriousness. I'm not surprised that you are furious.

 

[Mad Doug Biker]

Yep, definite complaint there!!

 

[Archie_tect]

If I'd wanted to waste the entire day I could've found a much more pleasant way.....

Next time, think first.

 

[shouldbeinbed]

Look, none of us enjoy work particularly but we make the effort to chivvy up the day you miserable f@$&ing dementor of a human being.

You'd be better employed sucking the laughs out of a funeral service you dour miserable b&£@#rd

 

[perplexed]

You are not a 'hard pressed' pensioner, I've just seen you get out of a 6 month old Jaguar. I'm no expert, but your watch looks like it would probably set me back at least two or three months salary...

Now, you are completely entitled to buy nasty, cheap polyester shirts. Your perogative.

But please would you consider your fellow shoppers in the supermarket and splash a little water and soap under your arms once in a while? This would be particularly appreciated in warmer weather, even more so if you put the shirt through the washing machine now and then.

Finally, could you just swing left after the pet food aisle, because there you will find some inexpensive anti-perspirant goods.

Treat youself. And us.

Thank you.

 

[152l2]

@matth411 are we talking about the same person? I cannot believe there are two of them out there.