Things you'd like to say, but can't

[Fnaar]

I can understand that you may have had a better offer. What can I do to entice you to stay?

Whatever tickles your French Fancy

 

[Speicher]

Please join me for the very late lunch break that I am about to take, and we can discuss that in more detail.

 

[Speicher]

It is really very warm in here, or is it just me?

 

[Fnaar]

Please join me for the very late lunch break that I am about to take, and we can discuss that in more detail.

I would, but I have a date with a Bakewell tart

 

[Speicher]

I will visit the Baker's then and sample his iced buns.


I will have to be careful tho', he gets up very early to start baking. Hope he does not fall asleep half way through my lunch break.

 

[ChrisKH]

Dad died, phoned up bank to report this and ask what was next. Indian call centre. Explain Dad died.

"I'm sorry madam. I can only discuss the account with the account holder."

"What part of 'he is dead' didn't you understand?"

F**kwit!

{eidt} Off topic! I actually DID say that (or words to that effect, anyway).

Yes, not exactly clever are they? I had this with most of my Mum's/Dad's banks/Building Societies/Life Ins. Co's.
Makes you want to say "Hang on" <put down phone, long silence, pick up phone> "No, he's still dead".

 

[Fnaar]

I will visit the Baker's then and sample his iced buns.

Two Ton Ted from Teddington? Who drives the baker's van?

Are you going to swoon at his macaroons?

 

[ComedyPilot]

You haven't seen my daughter in 6 months, and I can count the number of times you have made an effort to see her in her whole lifetime (2 1/2 years) on one hand.

Now, because you have a relative visiting, I have to come and play happy families, and smile while you take pictures and tell people what a devoted ********************** you are.

It's hypocrisy - and I don't want my daughter to be part of it.

You will drive past my house to visit my brother and his kids, you'll drive to Norfolk, London and Ripon to see other relatives and friends. You seem to be ok to fly to Greece, Turkey and Cyprus a the drop of a hat, but I live 9 miles away and it is too much trouble to drop in?

If i ring you, all you do is ask how my brother's kids are, without a care about my daughter, ditto when you ring me, you change the subject and ask about my brother and his family.

 

[bonk man]

ok ... I would like to say
**** ALL TORIES

ok thats off my chest.

 

[surfdude]

i am a women trapped in a mans body

 

[bonk man]

i am a women trapped in a mans body

Women? you are multiple ladies in a mans body?

 

[surfdude]

Women? you are multiple ladies in a mans body?

i ll go and ask my other selves

 

[XmisterIS]

"But I was indicating!" is NOT a good reason to start to pull out from parked (on the pavement, I might add) directly into the path of a vehicle that is approximately four metres behind you, causing them to do an emergency stop.

 

[Jezston]

I need to have a meeting with the head of my department as soon as my current project is finished and discuss the performance of my 'boss' the project 'lead', who has done absolutely no leading AT ALL and just got on with what he wanted to work on and absolutely ignored everything else and left me to basically run an entire project by myself, well except on occasions where he'll notice something wrong and tell me to fix it immediately and when I say yes I'll do it but not just this minute as I am very busy he storms off in a huff and complains to the head of department about it rant rant.

Anyway, this is how I would actually like the conversation to go with the head:

Me: I'm not sure I can work with [Lead] on the next project effectively
Head: Oh? Why do you say that?
Me: Well, to be fair I think we just have a fundamental clash of personalities which I think is irresolveable.
Head: How so? What is the clash?
Me: Well you see, I'm a fairly normal, committed, hard working human being, and conversely, (lead) is a c*nt.
Head: Ahh yes I see. Yes he is a c*nt isn't he. I can see that being a problem. Fair enough.

 

[Evilcat]

For my biggest client...

Just because you are our biggest client and pay us £500,000 per year does not give you the right to:

• demand changes at one hour's notice
• give us completely conflicting feedback
• miss every deadline you commit to
• ask us to commit to completely unrealistic deadlines
• believe that we manage your server when you have paid another company to do so
• ask that we work out of hours when our SLA says no such thing
• phone us up every 20 minutes
• mess us around with multiple changes up until the go live date
• insist that we go live on a Friday afternoon and then complain when we have issues over the weekend
• immediately escalate your issues to your director when we explain any of the above.

And despite the damage it might cause my business I'm glad your budget is being cut in the spending review. With any luck a few of your lazy, incompetent staff will be let go..

EC