The selfishness of people

[Boris Bajic]

Sorry to hear your sad news.

Inappropriate reactions happen and although the case you describe sounds particularly hard to take, everyone who's lost someone has heard something slightly insensitive.

I write this as a godless and deeply unspiritual man, but I do find (without wanting to generalise) that the more spiritual and at home with human company someone is, the better they listen and empathise. It may be that the kind of people to whom a week here or there in the grooming regime of their pet is critical are not necessarily completely empathetic with their human cousins. I may be quite wrong on that.

We now live in a fairly godless and uncivilised world. These reactions will become less uncommon. That's quite sad.

Again, my sympathy and condolences.

 

[Globalti]

Quite often when people hear bad news they stop thinking straight, which is why consultants and doctors like you to bring a friend or relative along for the bad news; they know you won't be listening to the rest of the story.

 

[vernon]

My mum died recently and first thing I had from DWP was a demand for £7.60 they had overpaid to her.

I rented a flat many years ago when you still had a rent book and paid the rent by cheque monthly. Two lads in flat above. One, who was the named person on the rent book killed himself. Landlord just put a line through his name and wrote the other lads name above it on the same rent book.

Both are pragmatic appoaches.

 

[Hover Fly]

10 or more years ago, a mate of mine had what was considered a "plum job" one night 11pm or so, she was killed in a car crash, the very next morning just minutes after starting time someone rang her boss asking about filling "the vacancy".

 

[Arch]

One person said how inconvenient it was to have to find a new groomer.

I hope he replied that is was going to be very inconvenient arranging the funeral and finding a new wife, and then waited for it to sink in and listened to the garbled foot-in-mouth responce.

As Vernon said, I suspect many didn't listen properly, or did hear, but couldn't process the enormity of it, and said the first thing that came into their heads.


When I lost a boyfriend to suicide, someone I worked with said, when I told her, on my first day back in our office "Oh my, that's going to take you 5 years to get over!" I wasn't sure what was worse, the highlighting of my misery, or the specific timescale. In her case, I think it was actually a case of self centredness, since she had been utterly self centred since she arrived, and was universally disliked anyway.

 

[Saluki]

Oh my word Arch. How devastating for you. How insensitive of you co-worker. Little wonder she was disliked.

I am sure that Becky's husband came back with a suitable reply, of course he might have just hung up.

 

[Arch]

Oh my word Arch. How devastating for you. How insensitive of you co-worker. Little wonder she was disliked.

She was just one of those people who always had to be cleverer, or know more, than anyone else. She had an equally obnoxious husband, they were wonderfully suited.

Life goes on. It was a very sad time, and one never really 'gets over' a loss like that, but you find a way to come to terms with it, and get on.

 

[fossyant]

There are some feckin idiots out there, in Mrs Brown's words.

 

[Saluki]

My mum died recently and first thing I had from DWP was a demand for £7.60 they had overpaid to her.

I rented a flat many years ago when you still had a rent book and paid the rent by cheque monthly. Two lads in flat above. One, who was the named person on the rent book killed himself. Landlord just put a line through his name and wrote the other lads name above it on the same rent book.

So sorry to hear about your Mum, OTH.
When my Dad died, in '91, the Motorbility people were round to collect the car within 36 hours. My Mother got a phone call first thing in the morning and was told not to drive it again (Dad didn't drive). My Mum instanty re-applied for a motorbility car as she was not to clever on her feet at the best of times and when it was approved the man who demanded the car that was for my Dad's use rang Mum to tell her that her car would be ready in the afternoon. My Mum took great pleasure in saying that she was getting one from a different Motorbility office and when he asked 'Why?' she give him a few choice words.

She also got a letter from Motorbility regarding taking the car back after Dad's death. The letter said that should the situation change that he would be eligible again. Not only do they not listen, they don't understand. My Mum laughed her socks off when she read it. She said that it was proof of corporate idiocy.

 

[Arch]

She also got a letter from Motorbility regarding taking the car back after Dad's death. The letter said that should the situation change that he would be eligible again. Not only do they not listen, they don't understand. My Mum laughed her socks off when she read it. She said that it was proof of corporate idiocy.

Laughing is the only way to cope with idiocy like that. I'm sure anyone who's had to deal with the official aftermath of a death has had to deal with a situation like that, or those listed above.

 

[DCLane]

I'm fortunate not to have been in either of your positions @Saluki and @Arch - however, people are too self-centred.

Sometimes we get it wrong too - about 10 years ago one of my students committeed suicide during the summer break. I had to let his classmates know and I simply got it wrong, partly due to naiivety and partly due to poor judgement. The announcement was OK but we needed support workers there.

Having realised this, we took action. The decision was made to plant a tree in his memory; his family came up and the students who knew him, from a very small HE college, were able to grieve properly.

 

[Silver Fox]

Sorry to hear that sad news Saluki but nothing surprises me about human nature these days.

Only yesterday I was at Somerford Park when the event rider Tom Gadsby died following a fall from his horse. The event was abandoned, as one would expect, but to my disgust I overheard a woman complaining to her friend about having her day out cut short. I didn't say anything but I thought you selfish cow, at least you're going home.

 

[Over The Hill]

I used to be much less tolerant of this sort of thing but my wife has studied this sort of thing in her work and I think that basically it is that some people do not develop out of a child ego state and so remain, rather like children, with a very self-centred outlook that they then cannot or by habit will not grow out of.
Once you accept this they are a bit easier to cope with and it starts being a bit amusing when they pop up with these little gems.

I guess they then must get to run various organisations.

 

[Saluki]

Sorry to hear that sad news Saluki but nothing surprises me about human nature these days.

Only yesterday I was at Somerford Park when the event rider Tom Gadsby died following a fall from his horse. The event was abandoned, as one would expect, but to my disgust I overheard a woman complaining to her friend about having her day out cut short. I didn't say anything but I thought you selfish cow, at least you're going home.

I heard about Tom Gadsby, the lady who used to be my 2ic texted me about it. I don't event any more but have survived a couple of rotational falls in my time. My heart goes out to his family and friends. What a disgusting old bag, you would think that she would have more respect as its not the sort of event one goes to unless interested in the sport.

 

[Black Sheep]

She was just one of those people who always had to be cleverer, or know more, than anyone else. She had an equally obnoxious husband, they were wonderfully suited.

Life goes on. It was a very sad time, and one never really 'gets over' a loss like that, but you find a way to come to terms with it, and get on.

Very well put by someone who has obviously decided to fill her life with things she enjoys with little time for people who try to spoil it