The Retirement Thread

[derrick]

A suspected Covid-19 male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. A young student female nurse appears and gives him a partial sponge bath.
"Nurse,"' he mumbles from behind the mask, "are my testicles black?"
Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet."
He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, please check for me. Are my testicles black?"
Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worrying about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and
pulls back the covers.
She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles gently in the other.
She looks very closely and says, "There's nothing wrong with them, Sir. They look fine."
The man slowly pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her, and says very slowly,
"Thank you very much. That was wonderful. Now listen very,
very, closely:
"Are - my - test - results - back?"

 

[Drago]

Very angry. Walked up the village shop to buy some food and milk - essential stuff.

The village shop was rammed full of old duffers whod gone to buy nothing more essential than a newspaper, stood around in groups chopsing. I couldn't get to the door to leave because that would have meant walking within a metre of one of these groups. I very rudely ordered them to give me 2 metres so I could pass and they grudgjngly moved.

Then I walked the dog, and then local gamekeeper is driving his car to work. Not an essential use of a car, as he lives half a mile from work. Not an essential journey.

We are fecked. So many people are not taking this seriously and seem incapable of following the most basic of orders. Utter traits the lot if them.

 

[welsh dragon]

Very angry. Walked up the village shop to buy some food and milk - essential stuff.

The village shop was rammed full of old duffers whod gone to buy nothing more essential than a newspaper, stood around in groups chopsing. I couldn't get to the door to leave because that would have meant walking within a metre of one of these groups. I very rudely ordered them to give me 2 metres so I could pass and they grudgjngly moved.

Then I walked the dog, and then local gamekeeper is driving his car to work. Not an essential use of a car, as he lives half a mile from work. Not an essential journey.

We are fecked. So many people are not taking this seriously and seem incapable of following the most basic of orders. Utter traits the lot if them.

Police are expecting people from England to try to come to Wales this weekend. They are going to be out in force telling them to go home. Stupid people

 

[pawl]

A suspected Covid-19 male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. A young student female nurse appears and gives him a partial sponge bath.
"Nurse,"' he mumbles from behind the mask, "are my testicles black?"
Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet."
He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, please check for me. Are my testicles black?"
Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worrying about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and
pulls back the covers.
She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles gently in the other.
She looks very closely and says, "There's nothing wrong with them, Sir. They look fine."
The man slowly pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her, and says very slowly,
"Thank you very much. That was wonderful. Now listen very,
very, closely:
"Are - my - test - results - back?"

That’s just given me and Mrs p the biggest laugh of the week😄😄😄😄


Oops just thought hope this is fiction

 

[Mo1959]

That’s just given me and Mrs p the biggest laugh of the week😄😄😄😄


Oops just thought hope this is fiction

Heard it before but still funny.

 

[welsh dragon]

I think today is going to be a major slobbing day. The sun is out but I can hear the wind.

I think I will be staying in my PJ's all day.

 

[pawl]

Good morning people, cold and cloudy this morning, I've put the washing out, must do some ironing later.

If it’s blowing as hard as it is here it will soon dry.Hope you have it well pegged our you have to get your bike out to get them from a neighbouring county

 

[The Rover]

We did our first hedgehog release last night. This is Bilbo who will hopefully remain resident on our allotment. He has a friend called Barry - hard to tell them apart. View attachment 510952

awesome, as I mentioned my missus volunteers at the rescue and I’ve been requested to make some hedgehog houses so they can release some more, they can’t cope with the numbers. I’ll add a photo later of my first attempt. It’s a bit heath Robinson!

quick edit - we also released one last night called Quirky! I’ve just shown the wife your post and she’s delighted!

 

[Deleted member 1258]

I've not had that before, I'm on the Wicks DIY website and I'm in a virtual queue waiting to get on the website.

 

[gavroche]

Good morning all. Just got up and had my breakfast. Dull and grey outside so I think it is going to be a long, boring day. Still have my backache to keep me company. Stay safe everyone.

 

[classic33]

I have never seen a hedgehog where I live. Not even dead ones on the road.

Hedgehog Pies anyone?
http://charcutieranglais.blogspot.com/2011/10/hedgehog-pies.html?m=1

 

[derrick]

I've not had that before, I'm on the Wicks DIY website and I'm in a virtual queue waiting to get on the website.

we had the same earlier in the week. got a delivery coming next Friday.

 

[Dirk]

Police are expecting people from England to try to come to Wales this weekend. They are going to be out in force telling them to go home. Stupid people

They were already turning motorhomes and caravans back on the North Devon link road yesterday, mainly folk from Birmingham and London from what I can gather.
There's a couple of holiday homes within 100yds of me which have had London and Birmingham registration cars mysteriously appear on their drives this week.

 

[classic33]

@Dirk, Timothy Taylors to stop exporting their products to the far south.

Oh, London as well.

 

[Dave7]

Very angry. Walked up the village shop to buy some food and milk - essential stuff.

The village shop was rammed full of old duffers whod gone to buy nothing more essential than a newspaper, stood around in groups chopsing. I couldn't get to the door to leave because that would have meant walking within a metre of one of these groups. I very rudely ordered them to give me 2 metres so I could pass and they grudgjngly moved.

Then I walked the dog, and then local gamekeeper is driving his car to work. Not an essential use of a car, as he lives half a mile from work. Not an essential journey.

We are fecked. So many people are not taking this seriously and seem incapable of following the most basic of orders. Utter traits the lot if them.

Police in Warrington are clamping down. Stopping cars to check where they are going etc.