Sittingduck
Legendary Member
- Location
- Somewhere flat
Chuffy said:Soon to appear on the menu of the Fat Duck...
The most embarrassing thing you have ever done?
- Thread starter mickle
- Start date
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Tetedelacourse
New Member
- Location
- Rosyth
Laughing out loud at this thread, great stuff!
I've committed a fair few misdemeanours. The more acceptable ones:
1. Doing a presentation to a room full of strangers for work, promoting a government initiative, in my suit. Only when I got back to my car afterwards did I realise I'd forgotten to untuck my trousers from my socks after my short cycle to work that day.
2. Asking another customer for the bill in a chinese restaurant, based on the fact that he was chinese and was dressed similarly to the waiters.
3. Re-enacting the "I'm the king of the world" scene from Titanic on what I thought was a deserted beach, by running up onto a rock and shouting with arms spread wide, only to discover a family picnicing on the other side.
4. Whilst staying at friends of my inlaws in Canada, got up in the middle of the night with boxers on thankfully, went through to the pitch-black living room to see if it was snowing out the back, had an absent-minded rub of the old nackers, when a cough came from directly below said nackers. The host's wife had decided to sleep on the couch cos of her husband's snoring and her head was less than a foot away from my beanbag.
5. Walked into a closed patio door in various locations while inlaws looked on.
6. Followed through whilst playing a Greek lad at pool at uni.
and on, and on, and on...
I've committed a fair few misdemeanours. The more acceptable ones:
1. Doing a presentation to a room full of strangers for work, promoting a government initiative, in my suit. Only when I got back to my car afterwards did I realise I'd forgotten to untuck my trousers from my socks after my short cycle to work that day.
2. Asking another customer for the bill in a chinese restaurant, based on the fact that he was chinese and was dressed similarly to the waiters.
3. Re-enacting the "I'm the king of the world" scene from Titanic on what I thought was a deserted beach, by running up onto a rock and shouting with arms spread wide, only to discover a family picnicing on the other side.
4. Whilst staying at friends of my inlaws in Canada, got up in the middle of the night with boxers on thankfully, went through to the pitch-black living room to see if it was snowing out the back, had an absent-minded rub of the old nackers, when a cough came from directly below said nackers. The host's wife had decided to sleep on the couch cos of her husband's snoring and her head was less than a foot away from my beanbag.
5. Walked into a closed patio door in various locations while inlaws looked on.
6. Followed through whilst playing a Greek lad at pool at uni.
and on, and on, and on...
Once chased a girl for ages, she worked in the local estate agents and I was well smitten. It took me months to ask her out and suprisingly she said "yes". This was not just another woman, she was "the one" and I was going to do things properly for a change, respect and all that.
A month or so later her flatmate was going away for the weekned and I was invited to stay, it was time to consumate our love. A nice night of chit-chat and wine was followed by, well, you can guess, in the middle of which she expressed a wish to visit the bathroom. After what seemed like a very long time but was probably only 5 mins or so, I now also, had a pressing need for the bathroom, still she was in there, what the hell she was doing is anybody's guess but by now I was hopping about the room in desperation.
No way could I hold on, I had a need to pee, I went downstairs (in retrospect, I don't know what my intentions were really) anyway......I went in the kitchen, in the dark, and fumbled for the nearest "container", a milk bottle. The relief was immense, but as the bottle filled I felt a tightening, bang! It was too late, my dick was stuck.
The kitchen light went on "What are you doing"? she said.
A month or so later her flatmate was going away for the weekned and I was invited to stay, it was time to consumate our love. A nice night of chit-chat and wine was followed by, well, you can guess, in the middle of which she expressed a wish to visit the bathroom. After what seemed like a very long time but was probably only 5 mins or so, I now also, had a pressing need for the bathroom, still she was in there, what the hell she was doing is anybody's guess but by now I was hopping about the room in desperation.
No way could I hold on, I had a need to pee, I went downstairs (in retrospect, I don't know what my intentions were really) anyway......I went in the kitchen, in the dark, and fumbled for the nearest "container", a milk bottle. The relief was immense, but as the bottle filled I felt a tightening, bang! It was too late, my dick was stuck.
The kitchen light went on "What are you doing"? she said.
Fnaar
Smutmaster General
- Location
- Thumberland
This one's not really emabarrassing as such, but it was excruciating to go through... I was teaching English in Spain, and basically desperate for a shag B) These days I understand the teacher-student relationship, and that professional distance must be kept etc etc, but my need for a shag was over-riding. I really fancied one of my students (hello Magda 
) and it got to the point where another student asked (in the lesson) if I was teaching everyone, or just Magda () I guess I spent a lot of time gazing at her wondrous eyes (amongst other features )
Anyway, to cut a long story short, I asked her out, and arranged to meet in a local bar. Got dressed up, made sure I smelt nice etc etc, and went to the bar... Magda turned up 20 mins later ... with her boyfriend And so a long evening of excruciating small-talk ensued, whilst I wondered how the f*** I'd got it so wrong!
) and it got to the point where another student asked (in the lesson) if I was teaching everyone, or just Magda () I guess I spent a lot of time gazing at her wondrous eyes (amongst other features )Anyway, to cut a long story short, I asked her out, and arranged to meet in a local bar. Got dressed up, made sure I smelt nice etc etc, and went to the bar... Magda turned up 20 mins later ... with her boyfriend
And so a long evening of excruciating small-talk ensued, whilst I wondered how the f*** I'd got it so wrong!Blimey! I can't compete with any of them. May I just say that I am cringing on behalf of all of you, you may now think of these things openly as I have taken on your cringiness.
I often do the common one, where someone says hello to someone behind you and you say hello back, like the muppet you are. I mean you've never seen this person before right but you just feel you have to say hello anyway - Duh!
I often do the common one, where someone says hello to someone behind you and you say hello back, like the muppet you are. I mean you've never seen this person before right but you just feel you have to say hello anyway - Duh!
Sittingduck
Legendary Member
- Location
- Somewhere flat
This is a very entertaining thread
Tetedelacourse
New Member
- Location
- Rosyth
Not so embarrassing due to being drunk at the time, but funny all the same:
Went shopping in Edinburgh about 10 years ago with a mate. Never got past the pub in the bus station. We ended up getting drunk over the course of the afternoon. In those days, traffic was pretty nose to tail all the way out to the Barnton in rush hour. When the money ran out, we got the bus home, sat at the back. Inevitably I began to need the loo. Due to the rush hour traffic progress was very slow. Just before I thought my bladder was about to explode, I had to get off, thinking that beacuse of the traffic jam I'd easily make it back on. I got off, ran up someone's driveway and relieved myself, ah, bliss. But wait, this is taking a while... how can one bladder hold so much fluid?
A good minute later I set off after the bus which was still in view, with my pal waving at me out of the back window, laughing. It took about 2 miles for me to eventually catch up as, every time I drew near to the end of the bus, a gap in traffic appeared and it pulled away again. I had the Grange Hill theme tune playing in my head the whole time. When I finally made it back on, the driver was killing himself laughing as were most of the back of the bus. My pal was in tears.
Went shopping in Edinburgh about 10 years ago with a mate. Never got past the pub in the bus station. We ended up getting drunk over the course of the afternoon. In those days, traffic was pretty nose to tail all the way out to the Barnton in rush hour. When the money ran out, we got the bus home, sat at the back. Inevitably I began to need the loo. Due to the rush hour traffic progress was very slow. Just before I thought my bladder was about to explode, I had to get off, thinking that beacuse of the traffic jam I'd easily make it back on. I got off, ran up someone's driveway and relieved myself, ah, bliss. But wait, this is taking a while... how can one bladder hold so much fluid?
A good minute later I set off after the bus which was still in view, with my pal waving at me out of the back window, laughing. It took about 2 miles for me to eventually catch up as, every time I drew near to the end of the bus, a gap in traffic appeared and it pulled away again. I had the Grange Hill theme tune playing in my head the whole time. When I finally made it back on, the driver was killing himself laughing as were most of the back of the bus. My pal was in tears.
Nicensleazy
Guest
Shagging the old next door neighbours wife..........
Dayvo
just passin' through
- Location
- 59° 50′ 5.55″ N, 10° 47′ 41.89″ E
Nicensleazy said:
Was the grass greener?
Fnaar
Smutmaster General
- Location
- Thumberland
or did she mow the lawnDayvo said:Was the grass greener?
Dayvo
just passin' through
- Location
- 59° 50′ 5.55″ N, 10° 47′ 41.89″ E
Fnaar said:or did she mow the lawn
Yeah; whilst he was sowing his seed!
ColinJ
Puzzle game procrastinator!
- Location
- Todmorden - Yorks/Lancs border
I'd taken a day off work to spend with my girlfriend and my stepdaughter. We'd had a nice morning but now step-sprog was having an afternoon nap in the first-floor bedroom so girlfriend and I sneaked up to the attic bedroom for an hour of passion.
It was all going well when for some unknown reason (the one and only time in my life) I decided to 'talk dirty' to my partner. I was sitting astride her and telling her in the filthiest, sleaziest voice I could muster exactly what I was going to do next
.
Then, suddenly... I heard a little cough from behind me and the voice of my partner's mother saying "Coo-ee, it's only me - I let myself in, the door wasn't locked!"
She went downstairs to put the kettle on, and we hurriedly got dressed. Not a word was ever said about the incident, but it was months before I could look my 'mother-in-law' in the eye again
!
It was all going well when for some unknown reason (the one and only time in my life) I decided to 'talk dirty' to my partner. I was sitting astride her and telling her in the filthiest, sleaziest voice I could muster exactly what I was going to do next
. Then, suddenly... I heard a little cough from behind me and the voice of my partner's mother saying "Coo-ee, it's only me - I let myself in, the door wasn't locked!"
She went downstairs to put the kettle on, and we hurriedly got dressed. Not a word was ever said about the incident, but it was months before I could look my 'mother-in-law' in the eye again
!
Tetedelacourse
New Member
- Location
- Rosyth
Oh that reminds me Colin - my mother-in-law lent us an airbed whilst we were awaiting a new bed. Through a strange quirk of fate, we ended up handing back the airbed in a plastic bag, which along with said airbed, contained a vibrator. That wasn't good.
Nicensleazy
Guest
Dayvo said:Was the grass greener?
Well it was quite interesting. It was whilst I was living in Paris. She was a lovely girl!
OP
OP
mickle
innit
- Location
- 53.933606, -1.076131
Between houses we stayed in a mobile home when I was about 14. My mum and stepfather went off to the pub one evening leaving my 8 yo sister watching telly. Seeing an opportunity for a hand shandy I tucked her in and went to the bedroom at the other end. Half way through she wanders in all scared and sobbing, 'the caravan's shaking!'
Seems I'd managed to tune my wrist action to the resonant frequency of the caravan.
Seems I'd managed to tune my wrist action to the resonant frequency of the caravan.
