Stupid names for everyday things

[Threevok]

Microbiologists

Everyone knows they are a bunch of Shite stirrers

 

[postman]

Wen i wer at Royal Mail aka Post Office it wer rebranded as C O N S G N I A, wiv Elton John banging on abart it.

 

[twentysix by twentyfive]

Wen i wer at Royal Mail aka Post Office it wer rebranded as C O N S G N I A, wiv Elton John banging on abart it.

Yep - I never wanted to consign my important post anywhere. I expected it to be delivered as per address

 

[mudsticks]

Those little pieces of batter in fish'n'chip shops being called "scraps".
They're really "scrumps", as any fule kno.

Gribbles, down our way...

 

[otek59]

Typical; Why cant you just call a spade a Statistical Packet Anomaly Detection Engine, we would know what you were talking about !

Or a hammer is a variable pressure applicator

 

[otek59]

Who is "Simeone" ?

He’s a fixie riding hipster, who ten years ago was Simon

 

[otek59]

I did once do some work with a company who’s employees had rather grandiose titles, including “Director of User Happiness” and “Chief Futurologist”.
You won’t be surprised to learn that the company was Google.

My job title is a binary construction technician

 

[Spinney]

Clearly written by simeone with a mountain leaders qualification,

I was just about to post that. Handrailing has a specific meaning in navigation.

 

[oldwheels]

Many years ago I used to have a lot of dealings with Customs and Excise. One I met a lot was Assistant Collector. He was actually only one step down from God despite his lowly title.

 

[deptfordmarmoset]

She was a very fine jazz singer and pianist

I thought it was Simeone Beauvoir, who played second sax.

 

[twentysix by twentyfive]

Or a hammer is a variable pressure applicator

No no - a hammer is a "persuader"

 

[roadrash]

No no a hammer is a universal adjuster

 

[Edwardoka]

I had to laugh at the notice in in the subway in wigan town centre
…...SANDWICH ARTIST REQUIRED...… fekin sandwich artist ....bolix ….they wanted a butty maker

The difference between a good subway worker and a bad one is remarkable. Some don't even bother to line up the cheese triangles properly.
Those who are good at it deserve all the grandiose sounding titles they get.

Nearly forgot: when did we start referring to dogs as 'doggos' rather than dogs/doggies and pups as "puppers" rather than pups/puppies?

It seems to be a thing on social media these days, but it really needs to stop...

It's that weratedogs asshat who started it. Heckin' bad twitto 0/10.

Made up terms:
My official job title used to be Developer/Analyst. Any time one of my colleagues or I tried to provide analysis it was ignored and they instead told us what to develop.

Gravel bike. Nah mate that's a road bike with wide tyres, you're fooling no-one

 

[MontyVeda]

Swede - it's a turnip.

Only it's not.

Trying to convince the average Lancastrian that a swede and a turnip are two different things is like banging one's head against a wall. I gave up decades ago.

 

[Chris S]

Trying to convince the average Lancastrian that a swede and a turnip are two different things is like banging one's head against a wall. I gave up decades ago.

I've had a look on Wikipedia and apparently a swede is a cross between a turnip and a cabbage. They're now so common that they've replaced the original turnip in many countries.