Social Faux Pas

[alecstilleyedye]

i worked for a company that had a team over in new york, presenting a pitch to a client that included some eminent scientists from japan. the day in question was 11/9/01, and, as you can imagine, it was clear to all that something was going on. a member of the team was dispatched to find out and came to report back. having explained the situation, she then uttered the immortal "they say it's the new pearl harbour"…

 

[Andrew_Culture]

The CTC (yes, that CTC) asked me to go and speak to them about being their freelance web monkey, so I duly drove over to Guildford and spent a pleasant quarter of an hour chatting merrily with the head honcho. We found common ground in both being from near Woodbridge in Suffolk, we had a jolly joke about the place being a little posh and imbred.

Much to my surprise most of the board / senior staff then joined us for what turned out to be a very formal meeting. I decided to lighten the mood after a bit by making a joke about the head fella being from an inbred part of the world. People looked uncomfortable. The meeting came to quite an abrupt ending.

I didn't hear from them again.

 

[Hover Fly]

When I first went to live in France I was sitting between Mme Syrphe and her cousin, Geraldine, who is a Comtesse (and incredibly filthy-mouthed, in English) for dinner. Under strict instructions to make conversation I turned to her and asked "So Geraldine, why weren't your ancestors all beheaded?"

 

[Chromatic]

i worked for a company that had a team over in new york, presenting a pitch to a client that included some eminent scientists from japan. the day in question was 11/9/01, and, as you can imagine, it was clear to all that something was going on. a member of the team was dispatched to find out and came to report back. having explained the situation, she then uttered the immortal "they say it's the new pearl harbour"…

Along similar lines. We were at a friends house for food, drinks and fireworks one bonfire night, amongst the people there was a few older women one of whom was our friends mother, who is German. Me and Joe were incharge of setting off the fireworks which, after the food and drink, and with the old timers all sat out on the patio ready to watch the display, we did. Now, being a little pissed in charge of some rather expensive large fireworks is not a good idea (don't do it kids, its not big or clever, although it is mildly amusing once you've got away with not being injured) and there was one or two slight mishaps. All the oldies were sat on the patio with bangs and flashes and things being fired around their ears and ankles and hitting the house with them not batting an eyelid.
Once the enetertainment had ceased and we were commenting on the indifference, almost stoicism, with which they treated it then it was said that they'd 'have been used to it, it was just like the blitz.'

 

[BrumJim]

My Uncle was chatting to his brother-in-law's new father-in-law (don't get too hung up on the detail - just remember it as a good family gathering). He is Japanese, and called Mr Nagasaki.
Imagine my Uncle's embarassment when he realised that he had accidentally called him Mr Hiroshima instead.

 

[BrumJim]

I personally have had too many to remember them clearly, although one I do remember was about a year ago and I was out on ood Friday night social. I saw an ex colleague/boss tuck heartily into the Indian Barbecue and cheerfully stated "What's the matter - doesn't your wife feed you properly?" My ex boss then took me asside a few moments later and reminded me that he had lost his wife just a few months ago, and that it had affected him quite badly. All stuff which I already new, but had forgotten.

 

[Arsen Gere]

On a similar vein I once delivered a death message to the wrong house.

Shortening the story a bit an old guy died in the toon, not much in the way of id apart from his club card. The card was torn and there was a last name and partial address. House N on XYZ..... it could have been XYZ street or XYZ terrace. I got the wrong one. The woman who I spoke to was a bit shocked but ok about it once she was relieved that her husband was not dead.
What are the chances of people similar ages and last names being in the same place from the same number on similary named streets...

 

[dellzeqq]

So, I was out drinking with some friends and a pal of theirs who had come over from Belgium. Something had been on my mind all evening, but it took 5 or 6 pints for it to finally come to the surface. I put on a silly Michael Palin voice and started to recite the Monty Python 'Prejudice' sketch. My friends looked aghast and tried to stop me, but I broke free and continued.

"Think of a derogatory term for the Belgians!" ...



Have you ever tried to say sorry to an angry, drunken Belgian?

great imitation of Nigel Farage!

 

[Melonfish]

A chap i used to work with was one day going on about his family, jane did this jane is out taking harry to the shop etc.
having recently become a father i asked my colleague how he found being a father.
his response was, "i don't have children"
"Who's harry then?" i asked.
"my dog" he replied.

undaunted by this because honestly they talked about their dog (lovely dog btw) like he was a little boy. i asked with suggestively waggled eyebrows "ah so you guys are yet to discover the wonders of screaming kids then?"
to which he responded "well no actually, it turns out we can't have children"

and we never spoke of children again... or much of anything else for that matter....

 

[ASC1951]

and we never spoke of children again... or much of anything else for that matter....

A friend of mine used to do that in reverse, in company where he wasn't known. He would listen to some eye-wateringly funny joke where the punchline depended on being hit by a train/falling from a plane/whatever. As soon as the laughter had died down he would say in a small, sad voice, "my younger brother was killed by a train when he was ten".....

Sometimes he owned up, sometimes he just enjoyed the embarrassment.

 

[Glow worm]

My friend Julia used to live in a part of London called Golders Green known for it's high proportion of Jewish residents. One night, I cycled round after the pub had shut, but couldn't get an answer at her door so I started shouting 'Ju....Ju....JU!' through the letterbox in an effort to wake her up. Then I noticed the curtains of the house next door draw open and there was Julia at the window. I'm not sure if her Jewish neighbours ever spoke to her again after that!

 

[theclaud]

I was once musing on the selfishness of those who appropriate the meaning of bridges by throwing themselves off them, in the company of Georgie Fame. Whose wife died by throwing herself off Clifton Suspension Bridge.

 

[byegad]

Your Honour, I plead youth as mitigation in this.

Many years ago, I would be about ten. We had an aged relative visit for Sunday lunch and afterwards we watched a dreadful old film about a woman driven mad by her evil husband. Throughout the film I made reference to her bizarre, mad behaviour. After the aged relative went home my parents told me she had just come out of mental hospital after a prolonged stay. Oops! Of course if they'd said something I'd not have mentioned it, so much for keeping your kids in the dark.

Strangely she didn't come around again.

 

[Silver Fox]

I was in my mid teens when my then girlfriend took me back to meet her parents for the first time. I was left making small talk with her dad in the lounge whilst she and her mum prepared a bite to eat.

Her mum brought in a large plate of sandwiches and placed them on the table next to me. Trying to impress with my politeness I picked up the plate of butties and went to offer her dad some at which point several sandwiches rolled off the plate onto the carpet spilling their contents all over the place.

You know when you just want the ground to open up, well as I tried to reassemble the sandwiches, that was one of those moments.

 

[dellzeqq]

ah, yes. The moment that every boyfriend dreads. You go round to her place, meet her parents who seem somehow disconnected from your memory of her sitting on your face, and, after bumbling through a meal that has more crockery than taste, you go upstairs for a some quiet time..

A floater. And not a small one either. The first flush barely wets the baby's head. The cistern takes an age to fill, and, while it's filling you realise that Ma and Pa have worked out that you do have a body, and that body is up to no good.

There's no reason to recount the story of the second and third flush, the latter bringing the water level up to the rim of the bowl while you conduct a quick towel audit followed by an even quicker out the window risk assessment. The fourth flush, the one with the ballvalve pressed down and a couple of shoes full of water does the trick, but your slow, squelching descent to the ground floor gives you time to work out that she knows, they know, and that it's over. The last glass of Valpolicella tastes like Night Nurse, and the bus home is full of happy people. You resolve never, ever to eat again...........