RIP Threads

[HobbesOnTour]

The Irish have what is considered an odd way of dealing with death.

Hmmmmm. Odd.
To me, from Ireland it's not odd at all.
(Although the tradition is dying out).

A good funeral can be a lively event, sometimes fuelled by alcohol but focused on remembering the deceased in a positive, happy light.

The thing is that lots of cultures deal with death in different ways.
A typical British funeral that can happen s couple of weeks after the death, I believe, is odd to me.
I was shocked to learn that in the Netherlands it is normal to receive an invitation to a funeral. That was odd to me.
I was also a bit freaked out to learn that graves are rented. When the "lease" is up the remains are removed and the headstone delivered to the next if kin. Ready for the next occupant!
And the Mexicans have a truly wonderful approach to death, believing that the dead can return on the day(s) of the dead. Mind you, some people believe that this attitude or belief actually induces a type of recklessness and cheapens life.

I read that death is the last great mystery of mankind and it struck a chord with me. Humans have been trying for millennia to develop coping mechanisms for it.

There's nothing wrong with showing some respect to the deceased

Exactly.

 

[classic33]

Hmmmmm. Odd.
To me, from Ireland it's not odd at all.
(Although the tradition is dying out).

A good funeral can be a lively event, sometimes fuelled by alcohol but focused on remembering the deceased in a positive, happy light.

The thing is that lots of cultures deal with death in different ways.
A typical British funeral that can happen s couple of weeks after the death, I believe, is odd to me.
I was shocked to learn that in the Netherlands it is normal to receive an invitation to a funeral. That was odd to me.
I was also a bit freaked out to learn that graves are rented. When the "lease" is up the remains are removed and the headstone delivered to the next if kin. Ready for the next occupant!
And the Mexicans have a truly wonderful approach to death, believing that the dead can return on the day(s) of the dead. Mind you, some people believe that this attitude or belief actually induces a type of recklessness and cheapens life.

I read that death is the last great mystery of mankind and it struck a chord with me. Humans have been trying for millennia to develop coping mechanisms for it.




Exactly.

Sitting in the same room as the open coffin, while people pay their respects to the deceased, talking about them as though they're expecting them to answer at some point. Seldom are they talked about in the past tense.

 

[Accy cyclist]

I don't mind R.I.P threads. Some of those they're posted about might not be household names, but to the OP of the thread their death must mean something to them, or they've posted thinking it might mean something to another member. In either cases the death might not be 'upsetting' as such. It might be posted on CC just out of interest.

 

[DCBassman]

Sorry, but just... no. Deal with the reality. You can still have respect.

Have to agree. We euphemise far too much.

 

[Roseland triker]

Ready instant pastys.??🧐

 

[Mike Ayling]

"RIP" is an idiotic term. They're not resting, they're dead. See also 'passed away' or (even worse) 'passed'.

I prefer the term "croaked"

 

[T4tomo]

A quick, not thorough search suggests that the most recent RIP thread was posted by myself.

It referred to a woman who is highly regarded for her travel writing and who is considered an inspiration by many for travelling on a bike - myself included.

It was posted in the Touring & Adventure forum because I thought that's where it was most suited.

As to why I posted?
I thought it would be of interest to people interested in touring and given the fact that she is not British coverage of her passing may not exist.

@Ian H RIP may well be an idiotic term to you but to me it signifies a certain amount of respect.

Similarly with "passed away". I see it as a gentler way of saying that someone died.

Nothing wrong with trying to be respectful and gentle in my world.

Yours was IMHO very much worth posting on the forum, as the lady in question was very relevant to cycling / touring, and not something people would have picked up from the general news.

I agree there isn't a lot of point posting a link to a Bbc website article telling us Prince Andrew has died.

he hasn't by the way, but he will do one day....

 

[HobbesOnTour]

Sitting in the same room as the open coffin, while people pay their respects to the deceased, talking about them as though they're expecting them to answer at some point. Seldom are they talked about in the past tense.

I'm not sure how many wakes you have attended but it's not my experience that that people expect an answer from the corpse!

As for being in a room with the deceased it's unusual..... or odd () until you get used to it. Like most things, I suppose.

As regards the present/past tense.....
People are fallible and it takes time for the death to sink in. It's pretty common to say "He/she is...." instead of "was" for the first few days, no?

Different people take different approaches to the whole thing, depending on the deceased as well.
For some, it's the last party that the deceased gets to be a part of suggesting a certain amount of them still being around.
For others it's the last chance to pray "together". Very different motivations with a surprisingly common root.
Sometimes a sudden, tragic death leaves the mourners in a type of shock.

 

[gbb]

its a bit of double standards in some ways, we're constantly told we should talk about our feelings, our state of mind but then its suggested its morbid, why do we need to talk about people no-one else knows ?, even though the loss if that person has deeply effected you...sometimes to the core.
No criticism, we're all different, I actually feel the same about celebs, why do we elevate them, even in death when In reality, we don't know them at all.
Sometimes its good to talk....even if no-one's listening
If its any consolation, I've just lost someone in the last 24 hours, you're right in some ways, no-one here knows him, it'd serve no purpose than unburdening the mind a bit, but I've not raised it seperately, no point for me personally...but if some people feel the need, no problem for me.

 

[Beebo]

I started a few RIP threads in my time. Usually for people who I liked or who have died unexpectedly.
The big no-no for an RIP thread is someone posting “who” or “never heard of them”.

 

[gbb]

I open the cafe and see an RIP thread.

Option A - the thread concerns a person I might be interested so I read the thread.

Option B - the thread is about someone who I have no particular interest in so I scroll on by.

Job done.

This, a thousand times.

 

[HobbesOnTour]

Have to agree. We euphemise far too much.

That's fair enough.

I take a different position.

Without euphemism we lose poetry, interesting stories well told, comedy and lots of other art.

A euphemism can often be the start of a difficult conversation.

I suppose the real measure of euphemism lies with the intention of the user.

A euphemism that lifts spirits or eases pain? I struggle to see a problem.
A euphemism that disguises a problem? Troubling.
A euphemism that deliberately misleads? That's not good.

It's easy to announce online that I'm a straight talking, say it as it is kind of person. Online isn't the real world and I'd really hope that the straight talkers understand that and realise that sometimes straight talking can be .... unhelpful. (That's a euphemism )

There is a time and a place. And an audience. Online, we can never be sure of our audience.

 

[Ian H]

A quick, not thorough search suggests that the most recent RIP thread was posted by myself.

It referred to a woman who is highly regarded for her travel writing and who is considered an inspiration by many for travelling on a bike - myself included.

It was posted in the Touring & Adventure forum because I thought that's where it was most suited.

As to why I posted?
I thought it would be of interest to people interested in touring and given the fact that she is not British coverage of her passing may not exist.

@Ian H RIP may well be an idiotic term to you but to me it signifies a certain amount of respect.

Similarly with "passed away". I see it as a gentler way of saying that someone died.

Nothing wrong with trying to be respectful and gentle in my world.

I hadn't seen your Dervla Murphy post. I wasn't referring to that or any specific post. The Irish Times' perfectly respectful headline says Dervla Murphy, ‘secular saint’ of travel writing, dies aged 90.

I'm also reminded of Mel Brooks's story: Someone said to him I hear you lost your grandfather, to which Brooks responded we haven't lost him. If we'd lost him we'd have gone looking for him. No, he died.

 

[HobbesOnTour]

I hadn't seen your Dervla Murphy post. I wasn't referring to that or any specific post. The Irish Times' perfectly respectful headline says Dervla Murphy, ‘secular saint’ of travel writing, dies aged 90.

Well, you opined on the use of RIP and "passed away" both terms I used. So if the shoe fits.....

I'm also reminded of Mel Brooks's story: Someone said to him I hear you lost your grandfather, to which Brooks responded we haven't lost him. If we'd lost him we'd have gone looking for him. No, he died.

Humour is a great way of dealing with death, especially irreverent humour. But of course, humour depends very much on the audience.

Mel Brooks is renowned as an irreverent humourist. Not everyone is. Therefore my approach tends to caution, to respect and gentleness.

Like I said above, on an online forum we don't know who's reading what we post and how it will affect them but we're all part of this community, no?

Where I come from RIP is a mark of respect, of goodwill to the dead. To you it's idiotic. Two different realities.

 

[Rusty Nails]

I prefer the term "croaked"

Would you use it to say "sorry to hear your son/husband/wife croaked" at a funeral?

A time and a place!