Questionable experience on a group ride

[Archeress]

Some of you will know that I have had some very severe depression with a tendancy towards self harm in the last couple of months. Well I found a charity that runs group rides for people experiencing mental health difficulties. The rides are led and are varying lengths to accomodate different abilities.

Yesterday there was a ride round Bristol to view art works that are in the public realm and to learn a little about them. It was published as a 10 mile ride taking 5 hours.

The first questionable experience was right at the start when it was announced that there would be a picnic in a park. This hadn't been in the published ride details and I wasn't alone in having little food with me, but money to pay for food. I had taken a banana and a little box of dried fruit.

The next questionable experience requires a little more of my background... I am transgendered. I live now as a woman and had all my surgery etc in 2010 and have held a female birth certificate and a gender recognition certificate since late 2010. Well the ride leader and the art expert both misgendered me during the ride, even to the embaressment of a fellow client rider. And these were not the subtle him/he misgendering, one was a full blown "gentleman" and another was calling me a MAMIL (which when challenged the person admitted he hadn't understood the full meaning of the term). Now surely a ride leader in charge of a ride with people with mental health problems should be more aware of the things they say and do? Also should he throw terms around that he does not understand?

And finally the ride was getting close to the published end time and my fiance would start to worry if I was late and the ride leader started talking about visiting a cafe for coffee and cake. When I looked worried, I was told that if I hadn't the time I could make my own way home. At this point I was in a part of Bristol that I did not know and would not be able to find my way home. The ride leader started reeling off a long set of directions to which I wouldn't have remembered half of them due to my mental health restricting my memory powers. Eventually the ride leader decided that the group should make their way back to the start point and then those that wanted could then go for coffee and cake.

All in all, although I saw some nice pieces of art the ride was spoiled for me and actually served as a stressor rather than the intended calming influence cycling should have.

Have I overthought all of this or does it really sound a terrible experience from a charity aiming to help people with mental health issues?

Archeress

 

[Racing roadkill]

Nope, I had to undertake an inclusivity, and diversity bit, on my BC ride leaders course. The crux of it, is that you have to choose your words vey carefully, and be sympathetic towards everybody on the ride's needs. It puts the onus on making the group ride as stress less as possible, for the participants, even if it entails walking on eggshells, as a leader. That's what we are paid for, after all. It sounds like the leadership, wasn't properly trained, for a diverse group, on your ride.

 

[mickle]

I think it would be a productive exercise all round to raise these issues with the folks responsible for organising and delivering the ride. The change of itinerary and the abandoning you in a strange part of Bristol sound like the product of a - probably well meaning but slightly shambolic organisation. These are basic things to get right when trying to support vulnerable people.

The gender thing? I'm sure you'll not be the first transgender woman to have experienced this sort of insensitivity. People do make mistakes, and there are lots of people out there who, even with the best intentions are won't to 'put their foot in it'. Not because they are malicious, but through inexperience and ineptitude. Your best defence against this I think ts to brief people beforehand. Tell the organisers who you are, how you prefer to be introduced and addressed when within the group. Give people the opportunity to do the right thing and they usually will, sometimes things just need to be spelled out.

Sorry you had this experience. It must have been humiliating for you, but don't let it put you off art, or cycling! :-)

 

[Apollonius]

Just goes to show that ride leadership (like any leadership) is not easy. Sorry you had a bad experience, but give the leader some slack. I don't suppose they meant any harm, just didn't realise.

 

[Dave 123]

Both I'd say.
You may well have over thought it, but that's not really a problem. That's just how you work.

Was the ride led by the leader alone or were there helpers too?

In my kayak coaching days I'd run a 1* course and the maximum number of students would be 12. I. Would have one other qualified coach and at least 2 helpers who were proficient paddlers, they were qualified coaches sometimes.

The roles were

Lead coach- directed the course, set the pace, split the numbers down and help individuals. Keep an eye to who needed the extra help.

2nd coach- small group and 1:1 coaching

Helpers- there to hand hold the less confident people/slower learners.

So when it is split down the ratio was 3:1

When leading stuff like this you never know who will turn up. An average course would be 3 total naturals, half a dozen above/below average, 2 that needed extra help and 1 that kayaking was a bad idea. It's an awful lot to balance!

So were there enough staff?
How experienced was the leader?( could have been first time out?)
Sometimes as a coach you need to be dynamic and scrap the lot as its not going to plan or change things. That's ok, so long as you bring everyone back that you took out!

 

[summerdays]

You could try feeding back to them.... Or if you fancy giving it a second go, I might be tempted not to tell them myself and see if it felt better the next time (that's a personal decision, for me I would probably not want to be on a ride having them go.... "That's the one that complained...." but I know a mate of mine would be saying the opposite... "How's it going to improve if you don't say anything").

It might be different people next time?

As for getting lost, that is a little scary but if you have a smart phone could you have an emergency get out by using google maps to give you biking directions? I've been experimenting with it recently and it's not perfect but equally not completely awful! (That's not to say they should leave you somewhere you don't know but to make you feel a little more in control of the situation if you wanted to leave a ride in the middle of it if you tried again).

I guess I'm saying did you enjoy parts of it enough to want to go again if the leaders were better? Some of the suggestions up the thread are good, such as talking to them beforehand about how you would like to be referred to, but it does sound a little disorganised.

 

[Pat "5mph"]

Hi Archeress!
Sorry you had this bad experience.
I think you should give feedback to the leader's line managers at the charity.
I was a leader on a similar ride, but was not briefed at all about the mental health problems of the participants!
Previously I had done only family rides for this organization, so I didn't know this group at all, I have no training in mental health, still they let me lead the ride!

Mind, I would never leave anyone in unfamiliar places, you are right to feel uncomfortable with this.
Also, I think advertised rides should follow the published schedule, you are right again about wanting to be back in time, this is another thing you could mention to the charity.
It's not complaining, it's giving constructive feedback
The gender thing could have been a genuine oversight: still, for your own comfort, next time in a new group introduce yourself with your female name and say no more. You are who you are now, what was before does not need to be known by all ... imo.
At least you enjoyed the cultural side.

 

[fossyant]

Thing is, you always take riders back to the start, and then decide if coffee etc is acceptable. You can't leave riders in unfamiliar areas.

I would complain that you weren't happy with the leaders attitudes. It does need addressing. I've been on 'ride to work' days where one leader thinks he can ride super fast - he was a right 'strange one' and when some of us "lycra louts" told him to slow down for the others, he wasn't impressed. He was in 'civvies'.

I used to lead a few 'bike to work days' and it's a case of constantly looking after everyone. You never make comments about people. EVER !

 

[Archeress]

Thank you all, I think I will give it another go. Their next ride is to Weston-super-Mare one way. The ride leader is the same as yesterday. I hadn't told anyone at the charity or on the ride that I was transgendered, just my name.

Archeress

 

[Pat "5mph"]

Thank you all, I think I will give it another go. Their next ride is to Weston-super-Mare one way. The ride leader is the same as yesterday. I hadn't told anyone at the charity or on the ride that I was transgendered, just my name.
Archeress

Good for you on not giving up something you enjoy!
I would ask the leader at the beginning if he plans to stick to the schedule, so you know what to expect. If what he says does not suit you, don't be shy in telling him.
If he mistakes you for a man again, ask him when his appointment at specsavers is

 

[Banjo]

Glad to hear your giving it another go. I suspect your ride leader has little experience of trans gender people , maybe you can help him to understand.

Leaving people alone in a strange place isn't good and that aspect of your first ride needs addressing even though it didn't actually happen if I read the post correctly..
Good Luck. I hope you have a better experience this time.

 

[Black Sheep]

feedback, even when disappointed is helpful for the organisers when it's done with positive intent.

For example, saying what the issue was but how that issue could become a positive:

say what you did enjoy, but also say you were disappointed with the possible sudden change of plan that nearly left you to make your way home from an area you did not know, coffee and cake after a ride is a great idea but perhaps always done after the ride has gotten back to it's start point giving people the choice to head home or stay as time dictates.

good to see you giving it another chance.

 

[PeteXXX]

Who on earth would leave a woman to find her way back from an 'organised' ride alone? Unacceptable.
A planned ride is a planned ride. Maybe the charity is well meaning but short on understanding. They possibly just found a well meaning ride leader to lead a short ride without him realising how vulnerable his charges may be.
Mention it to the charity by all means, but I think the best approach would be a friendly chat with the ride leader to air your views, clear the air, and enjoy some riding.

 

[Globalti]

If you ever get lost, Google Maps will locate your exact position than give you walking, cycling, driving, bus or train directions to a postcode you know. It's excellent, a pal of mine used it to ride from Lancashire to Cornwall for a wedding and back and it took him down some super back routes.

 

[Katherine]

Hope you have a better experience on the next one. Well done for getting out!