My Wife Wants Me to Hear Her - Help

[Ganymede]

It's not easy going deaf because people don't have the same degree of empathy and don't make allowances- the default reaction is annoyance and a tendency to repeat things aggressively and far too loud which draws attention and that can be humiliating and embarrassing in a public place.

I agree, it takes a lot of tact and humanity to deal with. But it is weird how deafness has such a stigma that some people shy away from getting a hearing aid. I mean, nobody refuses to wear reading glasses as their sight ages, and that happens to EVERYBODY. My dad resisted using a stick for walking for years - he used to say that people would think he was old. He was 80 at the time... He is a lovely bloke but it can be frustrating trying to help someone who refuses to be helped, when the net result is awful pressure on the person they live with and who cares for them (in this case my Mum, who is not in good health either).

 

[Ganymede]

or will miss out on large parts of a group conversation because he doesn't want to impede the flow.

GC

I can see my Dad missing out - he gets very quiet now in a group. I wish I could get him a hearing aid. Sorry to hear of your trouble, GC.

 

[Haitch]

You're in a 1970s sitcom, and if you have the test too soon it will spoil the joke?

The only things that could spoil a 1970s' sitcom joke are self-awareness and consideration of others. Oh, and wit. This gag could run as long as the Black and White Minstrels.

 

[fossyant]

Or helping him overcome all the problems associated with his dementia, or playing music for him to improve his mental health, or taking him out for lunch, or driving him to hospital, or running his bank account. LOL.

it was meant to be light hearted

I have a FIL that has early dementia, COPD, stage 4 lung cancer, requires constant help also. He can't remember what we tell him nor that he can't walk so gets up and falls.

 

[Archie_tect]

She has one TMN, it's better than the NHS grey plastic lump behind your ear.... but... imagine having one or both ear pieces stuck in your ears all the time which cut out every natural stereophonic sound and replaces it with amplified 'unbalanced and detached mono noise' remote from any directional guidance that your ears normally provide. That's why people struggle on without aids. Try listening to headphones or a car stereo with the balance offset so that one speaker is set to 9 while while the other is on 2... awful isn't it?

On a lighter note, I can hear better and more clearly if I cup my hands behind my ears, so I have an idea for a design for a hat/ 'headphone headband' with integrated 'ear trumpets' instead of speakers... they look daft but it augments your ears natural sound location and stereo effect... if it makes people laugh but visually helps them quickly 'get it' that someone is deaf [ie hard of hearing] it's worth the bother...

 

[glasgowcyclist]

My wife has seen an advert by a High Street chemist offering free hearing tests and she thinks we she go and have it done. The problem is I won't have an excuse of not hearing her cries from the kitchen to do something. Either that or the chemist will try and sell me a hearing aid that I don't want.
Any suggestions for an excuse for not having a test.

Have a read at this and see if you recognise any of the symptoms.

GC

 

[Ganymede]

it was meant to be light hearted

I know. Just felt like a slap-down - I know you didn't mean it to but it did. I guess I've slightly sabotaged a light-hearted thread but that's the reality.

Sorry to hear about your FiL. There's a lot of us with very aged and very difficult parents these days. We still love them but it's hard. Also - HOW I wish I'd persuaded Dad to get a hearing aid before he got dementia - I just can't see him accepting one now and the idea of him actually dealing with using it is awful to contemplate!

 

[stephec]

In my experience a lot of older folk feign deafness or exaggerate its effects because they simply don't want to her the crap that most people talk.

Not just old people.

 

[Roadrider48]

If he doesn't want a hearing aid, why make him?....just saying.

 

[Archie_tect]

I think people struggle on without hearing aids because they are, consciously or not, aware of the huge stigma that society places on being deaf. Blind people are much more accepted than deaf (or Deaf, if you understand the distinction) people, although I'm not at all sure why this is. I used to be quite involved in the Deaf world, and the patronising mockery and discrimination that my friends had to put up with was shocking.

You know when you experience that moment before your ears pop.... and you can only hear a vague hissing sound and everything is really quiet... that's what it's like.... aids make it less directional, unbalanced and louder not clearer. Stigma maybe part of the problem but the physical effect is really frustrating and gets to you.

 

[Archie_tect]

Sorry TMN and old bell, I'd carried on the conversation in my head [I do that too much!] and got way past what we or the OP were originally talking about... [beg everybody's pardon- take it as a sign of how frustrating getting deafer is.]

Mrs A_T's keen for me to have a go too... so I should get on with it.

[Edit: 9.26pm- forgot to mention I went round to the GP, got an appointment for Friday to get a referral for a hearing test - no time like the present!]

 

[old bell]

My Mum would have said about having to do something she didn't want to - 'I can't go because I have a bone in my leg'

 

[deptfordmarmoset]

You've given one reason for not wanting to hear. Are there no other things in your world that are worth listening to?

 

[ColinJ]

Please remember, people with hearing difficulties aren't stupid, so cut out the exaggerated slow speech/ mime act... it's not their fault they can't hear you.

Sometimes it can be! My late father got more and more hard of hearing as he got older but refused to have his hearing checked. He was turning the TV up so loud that you had to shout to be heard over it. In the end we couldn't stand it any longer and got the doctor to call round and talk shout some sense into him. The problem turned out to be caused by a massive build up of wax in both ears.

We had a laugh after the old boy's ears had been thoroughly degunked ... He turned the TV on and the blast of sound from it almost deafened him all over again! He thought we had messed about with the volume control and took a lot of convincing that it was the same sound level that he had been inflicting on the rest of the family for months.

 

[tyred]

I wasn't very old at the time but I still remember a conversation between two friends of my Granddad's - both hard of hearing and one who had recently had a heart attack and they hadn't seen each other in a while. It went like this

Bill: How are you keeping?
Sam: I nearly died since I seen you last.
Bill: Good man, I'm delighted to hear it!

It almost started WW3