Arch
Married to Night Train
- Location
- Salford, UK
Night Train said:
What a very good way to deal with it.
No, it never goes away completely.
Missing dead people.
- Thread starter mickle
- Start date
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What a very good way to deal with it.
No, it never goes away completely.
MacB
Lover of things that come in 3's
- Location
- Farnborough, Hampshire
Yeah, I find it weird and it's different for different people, my brother would have been 45 today, it's been 13 years now. I've reached a happy memories only phase, the only sadness still lingering is that he never knew any of my children. My Mum, on the otherhand, will have a pretty bad day today and be in need of a bit of TLC tonight after work.
Night Train said:
Nice, I like that.
My mum died at Xmas and whilst the following one was a bit difficult it was her favourite time of year and she wouldn't want people to be unhappy. I now look at it in the same way. Dad went in the middle of last summer so it's a timely reminder twice a year that life is too short.
Sig SilverPrinter
Senior Member
- Location
- In the dark
My mum died 2 days after my 16th birthday and 27yrs later I still find it difficult to talk/think about her without getting upset.I have this guilt/anger thing as we had a terrible relationship she was battling cancer and I was being moody rebellious teenage girl.I have a lot of what ifs in my head.
Arch
Married to Night Train
- Location
- Salford, UK
Sig SilverPrinter said:
What ifs are the worst, and no matter how much you know it doesn't help, you still run through them.
gbb
Squire
- Location
- Peterborough
mickle said:
It is Mickle...
Hope your ok....Has anyone else found a hightened sense of emotion since losing someone?
Almost anything on TV (dancing on ice is just an example..its not confined to that programme) where there is an rapturous applause because something went well...or a competitiors euphoria at a good performance, will get me to the point where i find it difficult to hold back the tears. I'm not neccessarily thinking about my brother at that time...i just seem much more emotional than i used to be.
I cant watch Farrel Smiths bit on Britains Got Talent....its beautiful...but it turns me into a wreck
beanzontoast
Guru
- Location
- South of The Peaks
Sig SilverPrinter said:
Lost my mum when I was young too. If there had been an internet back then, I could have found out more about her illness and maybe understood how it happened. As it was, I didn't realise how her illness was likely to evolve and whan she died it made me angry. I felt cheated.
I know what you mean about 'what-if's. I'm in my 50's now and still wonder what it would have been like had she been around longer. The weird thing is, I think about it being sad that she never got to know my wife and kids - yet who's to say I would have lived my life the same way? I would almost certainly not have gone to the same uni - where I met my wife-to-be. My life would have been totally different.
Sig SilverPrinter said:
Well I was 41 and had the exact same scenario tbh. Age doesn't necessarily change the relationship or the problems that come with it. I know it's easy to say, but try not to beat yourself up. It's hard enough to deal with when you're older, let alone when you're 16.
gbb said:It is Mickle...
Has anyone else found a hightened sense of emotion since losing someone?
Almost anything on TV (dancing on ice is just an example..its not confined to that programme) where there is an rapturous applause because something went well...or a competitiors euphoria at a good performance, will get me to the point where i find it difficult to hold back the tears. I'm not neccessarily thinking about my brother at that time...i just seem much more emotional than i used to be.I cant watch Farrel Smiths bit on Britains Got Talent....its beautiful...but it turns me into a wreck
I've found this since I lost my parents and godfather in 2006. I'm in my 50s and although I'm generally ok my emotions are very near the surface these days. The sort of things that set me off are great pieces of music or other artistic endeavours - even great TV drama - which seem to have a profound level of quality and meaning, or are even joyous. Also, certain events (for instance, John Martyn's death a couple of weeks ago) can trigger off severe bouts of nostalgia which can also be upsetting.
Sig SilverPrinter
Senior Member
- Location
- In the dark
The worse thing for me was my mum told me one day that she hated me.I've never forgotton or forgiven her for this .
Arch
Married to Night Train
- Location
- Salford, UK
Sig SilverPrinter said:
All you can do is decide she didn't mean it. And work really hard at believing it. She was ill, you were being a stroppy teen. Things are said in the heat of the moment that aren't meant. My father was an alcoholic for his last years, which soured our relationship, and he died suddenly when I was in my early 20's so there was no chance to make it better. I sometimes wonder what our relationship would have been like if that hadn't been the case, I think we'd have got on like a house on fire, but there's nothing I can do about it now except try to remember the better times.
I agree about the increased emotions too. Since I lost my BF, all sorts of silly little things set me off - not even things that are meant to be emotional.
gbb
Squire
- Location
- Peterborough
Sig SilverPrinter said:
Its so unfortunate you didnt have a chance to let her see you grow out of that phase SSP ( i didnt realise you were a girl SSP
)My son went through that, and there was a lot of resentment. He's grown and changed for the better, but those times were truly awful.
Take heart and think if she'd been about longer, i'm sure you'd have made her proud.
You have to take solace that she would be proud of you now.
God, i hope i'm not saying anything out of turn.....
Sig SilverPrinter
Senior Member
- Location
- In the dark
gbb said:
I do try and think positive things about her but its very difficult.I don't remember any affection from her,I stood in the way of her happiness,she was having an affair and wanted to leave my dad.She told my dad that once I reached 16 she would leave,which she did but not in the way she expected.
ACS
Legendary Member
- Location
- Just below the snow line
My dad always said that "memories last longer than dreams" and he was right ( as he always was ) He died in Mar 01 of asbestos related cancer. Still think I catch a glimpse of him from time to time, in a shop, walking through the city centre with his mop of white hair and a flat cap to keep it under control. Thought I saw him in a garage filling up his car with petrol recently, I was so convinced I even went back to check. Madness I know but grief does that to you.
) He died in Mar 01 of asbestos related cancer. Still think I catch a glimpse of him from time to time, in a shop, walking through the city centre with his mop of white hair and a flat cap to keep it under control. Thought I saw him in a garage filling up his car with petrol recently, I was so convinced I even went back to check. Madness I know but grief does that to you. 
