Is it ok to have a cycling buddy from the opposite sex?

[Norm]

I suppose there are other factors like they don't like the other person etc - but if it was a case of "No, you're not riding with Sally because I don't trust you" then there are serious issues that need to be addressed.

I agree, if it is about trust, there might be things which need to be discussed, but there could be other things in play.

I think the most obvious alternative might be along the lines of "What would the neighbours say?", which may raise another set of questions.

It doesn't have to be about trust, your wife can trust implicitly that you would never cheat on her and still feel uncomfortable that you have another woman you share your free time and favourite hobby with, another woman who gets part of your life she can't relate to and understands part of you she can't. Some would be bothered, some wouldn't, but with all the compromise in a relationship I don't think its the biggest issue to worry about.

I don't see a problem with a platonic relationship though, so long as its not upsetting any other halves.

Yup, pretty much exactly that.

 

[lukesdad]

Wifey lines me up with all sorts of female buddies, she's had no luck so far unfortunately

 

[Chescadence]

I think asking yourself what's important really, rather than the right and wrongs.

Which would you rather have- Your partner being upset/jealous etc or cycling with the lady friend. Personally, I'd much rather have my wife feeling happy and not worrying than stress her out by going cycling with someone she worries about. A cycling partner is easy to replace, your wife, i'd assume, isn't.

Though, in my mind there's nothing wrong with it, in her mind there obviously is.

C

 

[Flyingfox]

I went out for a ride today with my male cycling buddy, admittedly there was 6 of us in the group, but if his girlfriend knew I was present there would be hell to pay - he doesn't tell her!

 

[rich p]

I went out for a spin with the wife but I daren't tell the girlfriend - she'd be sooooo mad.

 

[oldroadman]

Someone I consider my best friend is female, known her for many, many years, we have always been good mates. We can talk about literally anything, no worries, and it's possibly one of the most valuable relationships I have. Along with more intimate ones. It works, trust is required, and why should a man/woman friendship be much different to a man/man or woman/woman one? There is just as much chance of things getting closer if the inclination is there. I watched Brokeback Mountain...!

 

[Crankarm]

I went out for a spin with the wife but I daren't tell the girlfriend - she'd be sooooo mad.

This is so British. The French are sooo cool about spouses having mistresses, girlfriends, boyfriends, etc.

The OP's solution is to persuade his wifey and new female cycling buddy to move with him to France then he needn't worry.

If he remains in the UK then he can look, but he can't touch.

 

[BrumJim]

For several years I have gone on holiday with my ex, and she has left her husband at home too. And my wife knows about this and is genuinely happy about it.

The mitigating factors are that we are part of a larger group, my wife has met my ex and gets on with her a lot better than I do, and knows that there is no chance of me and ex getting back together again. Splitting up with her was one of the best things that has ever happened to me (I hope she isn't on this forum!!). There are also genuine reasons why we don't take our other halves.

However, although my wife is definitely not the jealous type, she may object to me spending several hours at a time with another lady who shares a passion of mine, without others being around, and someone I have not previously known. Whilst I am singularly inept at initiating a relationship, have genuinely committed to staying with my wife for the rest of my life (or hers, whichever is the shorter) regardless of whoever else comes along, there is a need to avoid temptation or scurrilous rumours where necessary.

Advice? Context is important, but I don't think it would be too offensive to insist that you don't go on long or regular rides together without anyone else being present, unless you have know each other for a while and therefore know that you wouldn't stray.

 

[Richard A Thackeray]

My wife sometimes has issues with me running the girls at the Club - that's despite the fact that there's 25, or more, of us together (both male & female) on club-runs

For ease of transport/parking, I'll sometimes pick up 2 of the local girls, or the driver of the 2 will pick me up.
I've even taken Gail to a fell-race over at Haworth; picked her up, her husbands waved goodbye, we've ran & dropped her off once back home (she's even run 9 mile 'XC's with me around here)

I think her issues are that she thinks everyone of them looks like a 'Runners World' cover girl, but if they did, what would they be wanting from a 47 year old, 'gumpy old man', who's idea of a good time is a cup of tea & giggling at 'Red Dwarf', or 'Scrubs'????

 

[CopperCyclist]

I have genuinely committed to staying with my wife for the rest of my life (or hers, whichever is the shorter)

Off topic, but this made me smile. It reads like a modern age, legally minded addition to the wedding vows!

 

[Boris Bajic]

There was an old adage that the closer a guest was to royalty, the more carefully you should count your silver when they've left.

I feel similarly about couples who make a song and dance about how utterly and exclusively committed they are to one another....

At the third mention of eternal bliss and the absolute impossibility of ever looking at another, I think "Is he visiting hookers or is she having an affair with his best friend?"

Sadly, my wife thinks similarly. We are a cynical (if eternally devoted) pair.

Come to think of it, why has my best friend been staying so much recently, and always when I'm away?

 

[Cyclist33]

My wife sometimes has issues with me running the girls at the Club - that's despite the fact that there's 25, or more, of us together (both male & female) on club-runs

For ease of transport/parking, I'll sometimes pick up 2 of the local girls, or the driver of the 2 will pick me up.
I've even taken Gail to a fell-race over at Haworth; picked her up, her husbands waved goodbye, we've ran & dropped her off once back home (she's even run 9 mile 'XC's with me around here)

I think her issues are that she thinks everyone of them looks like a 'Runners World' cover girl, but if they did, what would they be wanting from a 47 year old, 'gumpy old man', who's idea of a good time is a cup of tea & giggling at 'Red Dwarf', or 'Scrubs'????

Exactly what sort of club is it where you're "running the girls"??

 

[naminder]

My wife sometimes has issues with me running the girls at the Club - that's despite the fact that there's 25, or more, of us together (both male & female) on club-runs

For ease of transport/parking, I'll sometimes pick up 2 of the local girls, or the driver of the 2 will pick me up.
I've even taken Gail to a fell-race over at Haworth; picked her up, her husbands waved goodbye, we've ran & dropped her off once back home (she's even run 9 mile 'XC's with me around here)

I think her issues are that she thinks everyone of them looks like a 'Runners World' cover girl, but if they did, what would they be wanting from a 47 year old, 'gumpy old man', who's idea of a good time is a cup of tea & giggling at 'Red Dwarf', or 'Scrubs'????

Does she know about the"club rubs"?

 

[Hitchington]

Going for a ride with another female is ok as long as she doesn't play with your ding-a-ling.

 

[Easytigers]

It's fine..I took the bell off