Aged six, I was force-fed apple pie, which contained cloves. I hate cloves but had to eat my pudding up. I puked over the
sadist bitch er, dinner lady.
Messing around in the 6th form block (we were only 4th years) we were bolloxed by one of the maths teachers, and consequently slippered. I got two whacks, as did my mates, but one of them, a bit of a lad, remained in the bent-over position, and on being asked to leave, calmy said, 'Oh, have I had it yet, sir?' The teacher went beserk and really set about him, and we didn't know whether to laugh or run away.
I was lucky; I played in the cricket, football and rugby teams, so I was mates with the sports teachers. One day, though, I was having a bit of a two-man scrum on the stairs with a mate, when the teacher, whom both of us had played cricket with the previous day, thought it was dangerous and took us to be 'punished'. The deputy-head knew my dad, and was also an ex-cricketer. On seeing us, he said, 'I used to be a fair bowler in my time, where do you want me to pitch it?' My quick reply was 'Er, wide down the leg side please, sir!' It didn't help, he carefully lifted the flap of my blazer (it was only a comprehensive school, but they were strict on uniforms) as if the extra cloth would have eased the pain, and gave me two of the best, whilst my mate looked on in horror at the impending pain!
Most of our teachers were OK, though; but one, the music teacher, instead of spanking boys, he bent them over his knee and rubbed their buttocks!