Give me some dialogue from your day

[Vantage]

Pam going on about some conversation she had with her manager...

Pam: "Did you know motorcyclists wear nothing under their racing leathers?"

Me: "Nope. Didn't know that. But neither do cyclists."

Pam: "I know. Why do you think I like you in your lycra!"

Me: "Well you never try to get me out of them!"

Pam: "You have enough trouble getting into them! "



I'm getting podgy these days

 

[Andy in Germany]

On Whatsapp 5 minutes ago:

Dad, could you correct a letter in English for me?

No worries, when do you need it?

Um... now?

Me (Looking at screen) Why didn't you ask me any time in the last three days when I was with you?

Teenagers...

 

[Chris S]

Me: "Seriously? You've raced to get past me to get to the red light first!"
Her: Closes car window. And pretends I'm not there.
Me: "Oi! No Nutz? I'm still f**king here! Why race to the red light, overtaking me and then indicating to turn left into T***os?"

Why would a woman be offended by being called 'No Nutz'?

 

[bruce1530]

The day that the Scottish Premiership was decided. Certain parts of the town going a bit bonkers, with cheering and fireworks.
In a queue inside a shop, someone (who may be related to me) heard the guy in the queue behind her go “Yesssss”, and throw his arms in the air.

She turned and said to him “I guess you’re a Rangers supporter?"

Him: “No, actually, I have Tourettes...."

 

[Chris S]

Yesterday some young children on the train were singing, "I'm a Barbie girl, in my Barbie world." The song was released nearly 30 years before they were born.

PS I don't think they were singing the original though, "You can comb my hair, you can smack my bum"

 

[Ming the Merciless]

On Whatsapp 5 minutes ago:







Me (Looking at screen) Why didn't you ask me any time in the last three days when I was with you?

Teenagers...

Cause it’s instant messaging and well , instant 😁

 

[gbb]

'Colin, I could marry you'

'You couldnt afford me'

 

[roubaixtuesday]

"Where's [Middle son]?"

"Out"

"Gambling again?"

"Nah. Buying knives."

"Fair dos"

 

[Saluki]

While looking from window at busy building site, full of vehicles, plant and general busynes.

Colleague: “Would any plant be on the plant hire report?”
Me: Yes
Colleague: What sort of plant is on the plant report?
Me: well, plant in general really
Colleague: I need a type, for an example (quite unreasonably crossly IMO)
Me: Aspidistra
Colleague:

 

[gbb]

Me, explaining to my wife upon getting home after a bike ride...
'Ride was good, bloomin battery (on my ebike) kept cutting out, bloody annoying, happened at least 10 times'

Wife...
'Want to buy another one ?

, that took me off guard.
'Nah, it's ok, I haven't taped the battery down, I think it was a poor connection'

Crossfire cut outs, they're common.
It's got in my head though, I started looking at prices ...

 

[cougie uk]

Me to the village cafe - "do you have any vegan food ?"

Befuddled waitress "we have gluten free cake ?"

 

[gbb]

I came in on a conversation with my grandson and his mum, I gather he is unsure about having the covid vaccination, talk of his mates uncertainties and a couple of the usual stupid reasons not to...
'Not having the vaccination ?' I asked
'Not sure, my mates talk about this and that' he sheepishly replied.
'Bear in mind mate, 30 MILLION people have had it just in this country, the streets aren't lined with dead people who had it are they ?

 

[Rezillo]

In Trevaskis farm shop in West Cornwall last week to get some sausages. Recent health issues mean that these are strictly rare treat-only but their salt content is nowhere as high as most brands and they taste superb. I wonder if I can buy them from home so I ask the assistant. This conversation goes something like this:

Me: "Do you do mail order for your butchery products?"

Young Assistant: Bewildered look of incomprehension.

Me: "Mail order, for your sausages".

Assistant: (gropes at a tentative response). Er, do you mean 'online'? [I'm sure there was a 'grandad' hanging unspoken at the end there]

Me: Um, yes.

I leave, feeling old and as if I've just been in an electrical shop crewed by teenagers and was asking for a scart lead.

 

[stoatsngroats]

Talking with FiL, yesterday:
Me: you know the lane which goes up past…. Errr… mmm… the windmill..?
fil: which one..?
Me:The one near Goodwood…. err…
fil: Ah, yes.. err….. (sheet, what’s it called!)… errr…
me: you know the one I mean..?
FiL: yes, I know the one…. Near. …. Ahhh…. Erm….
Me: yes, so the lane I was cycling was not that one, but the one which goes up the other way….. erm…. Kennel Hill, NO! Hill barn lane….
FiL: ahhh,, yes, that goes up to…. Er….. oh dogs, what’s it called….

and so on… for a good 5 minutes……
Ages 55 (me) and 75…. What is to be done…!

 

[biggs682]

Me Yes i will take that here you go